"Son, what're you drinking" "Soy milk"

"Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/romben1
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
A kid is pouring himself some milk. His dad walks into the room and asked, "what kind of milk is that?" Kid says, "Soy milk". Dad replies with,

"Hola milk, soy dad."

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eggs-cumberbatch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My son just threw a milk carton at me

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 532
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SircFGC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
A man assaulted me with milk, cream and butter !

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Cashier at Publix asked if we wanted the milk in a bag...

I told her to please leave it in the jug.

My wife eye-rolled SO hard and then apologized to the cashier :D

The cashier was laughing though, so I'll take the win.

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LS-CRX
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What do you call a farm when none of the cows give milk?

An udder disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lin-Duh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
The missus asked me if I thought of other women so i threw a glass of milk at her.

That's the last time we are ever playing truth or dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Bad milk
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissiKross
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What kind of milk do you get from footless cows?

Lack-toes!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1derin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Our grocery delivery driver told us one of the milk cartons got damaged and leaked into the bag.

My 15yr old son picked up the first bag, which had a long vegetable sticking out and said "I've found the leek, dad."

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Cashier: would you like your milk in a bag?

Me: no, leave it in the jug.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pear_tree_gifting
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
What sort of bees make milk?

Boobies

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueBoy1515
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Why was the milk so relaxed?

It was chilling in the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Physicsboy2018
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I've just been attacked by the milkman. He threw milk at me.

How dairy!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
What insects produce milk?

Boo Bees

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Some bloke just threw a glass of milk at me...

I thought, how dairy

πŸ‘︎ 176
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
If I ever made an epic company for milk and cheese, I'd call it legend-dairy.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Influenz-B
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the story about a glass of milk that saved the world once?

It was legend dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Why can’t the club footed nazi drink milk?

Because he lacks toes and tolerance

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jferini
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
I se this one at least once a week. Do you want your milk in a bag?

Nope, just leave it in the jug.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lexmaster02
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
I love almond milk.

It’s unlike any udder milk.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
What do you call illegal, fermented milk?

Mooshine.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsaFrozen2013
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
What’s the hardest part about making skimmed milk?

Throwing the cows across a lake.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jqzzy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Milk has freedom of thought when angry.

They just want to get out of container when they're boiling.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What kind of bee makes milk?

A Boobie!! Ahahah

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyRacey
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Why do some Middle Easterners like sour milk?

It's curdish.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diehardpuns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to milk a cow that has been cut in half?

Udder madness.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
Among the different forms of milk, my favourite is when it is churned.

It’s butter that way.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that cannot produce milk?

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punderants
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
What type of Bees make Milk?

Boo-Bees

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lindomontoya
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees makes milk?

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boundman101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Typing the word milk is alright.

That’s all I got and I did it in like four different posts.

I regret nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
I’ve got milk that has 100% calcium

It is called whole milk

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aditya_Kabu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
What's the most difficult thing about producing skimmed milk?

Throwing the cow across a lake.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackBoxall1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
I have to go to the Dam Store again. Forgot the milk
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
Dad, is this your milk?

No sweety. It's cows milk.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toromio
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
So regular bees make honey, but what type of bees make milk?

Boo-bees.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToniofhouseStark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
"hey you forgot to get milk."

"Sorry I must've skimmed past it."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blitzerxyz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Once a man assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese.

How dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPoon23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do two people have when they both like to boil leaves in water, add milk, and put it into the freezer?

Solid-dairy-tea!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Legitimate_Lynx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Was looking for some coconut milk, wasn't disappointed
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taekookgi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
When the first guy drank cow milk, society was probably like, "ughh, how dairy."

Dairy = dare he

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?

It comes in at one end, and out the udder

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Milk is the fastest dairy product.

It’s pasteurized before you ever see it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boyleolio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees produce milk ?

Boo bees

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ass_Shack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the milk scared for the cheese?

cuz it is shredded

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
What do you calling it when your in milk up to you're eybrows

Pasteurize (past your eyes)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchomojo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when I got it there was too much milk and not enough coffee

Better latte than never I suppose

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Why did Hitler only drink milk for breakfast?

He hated juice.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Where does all Canadian milk come from?

Cowgary

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/salz12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
what type of bees produce milk?

boo-bees :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hxshmii
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
It sure would be weird if milk came from trees

Wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
I was at the museum and saw a painting of a bowl, with milk and some kind of food inside.

It was surreal.

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth;

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

πŸ‘︎ 753
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh no, the milk's gone bad again! imgur.com/gallery/f96nv7Q
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mesajom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you see that milk go flying past?

No? Oh. It must have gotten...pasturized!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimBobBoBubba
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Did you know electronics stores sell milk?

Mine says it's from Best By.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What kind of Bees produce milk instead of honey?

Boobies

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/murlockerLOL
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: you forgot to get the evaporated milk. It was on the list.

######Me: [looking thru the grocery bags] I definitely got it

Wife: don't you dare

Me: it must've evaporated

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees make milk ?

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If a cow doesn’t produce milk, it’s both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superflyguy87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamgigglz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
What do call a racist man without feet fingers that is allergic to milk.

Lactose intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samarpaul77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife. His wife says, β€œGet a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”

The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, β€œThey had eggs.”

edit: I know guys, I know, it’s supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What type of bee makes milk

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Criptic567
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Ok...Milk..Check. Eggs...Check...! Tomatoes...Check!

Sir, can you please stop writing checks for every single item?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
This morning I saw the milkman drinking a sip of milk before leaving it in front of my door.

How dairy?!?!

πŸ‘︎ 170
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iTeachClassics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A man robbed me with milk and cream today.

How dairy!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the cheese say to the milk after he called the butter fat?

Yoghurting his feelings

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Peppyskrt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
What happens when a cow drinks her own milk?

It goes in one end, and out the utter.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/c10e
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I prefer to have my milk churned.

It’s butter that way.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call milk that's too far away to see?

Pasteurize

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaNinjaSmurf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
This year, instead of cookies and milk, leave Pierogi and vodka.

After all, Santa is North Polish.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hitokirizac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The clerk at the grocery store asked if I wanted my milk in a bag.

I told him he could just leave it in the carton.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherfinger420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Man, Cashier, and 2 cartons of milk...

A man walks up to a cash register to pay and while his items are being scanned, the cashiers says if he wants the cartons of milk in a bag. The man replies with "No, leave the milk in the carton."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Synth131
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: Does this milk taste funny.

Kid: sips milk yeah a little.

Dad: frowns Must be clowns milk.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StormtrooperMJS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
I don’t like 2% milk.

It just doesn’t taste whole.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nightowl024
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you name someone that help you milk the cows

COWorker

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobberMeme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream.

My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.

πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that produces milk

A boo-bee

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/getrekdnoob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the milk get a restraining order against the grocer?

It said he was a stocker.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if I ever had some Danish semisoft cow's milk cheese.

I told her Havarti tried it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?

It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepattato
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Grocery store bagger asked me if I wanted the milk put in the bag or not

I told her no thanks please leave it in the carton

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tswaves
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Which Bees Make Milk?

Boo-bees.

This one is from my son probably a repost

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smixxieD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? 🐝🍯

Boobies

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randomestredditor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The cashier asked if I wanted my milk in a bag

I told her to just leave it in the jug

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ktulu92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?

An Udder Failure

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBreadSkeleton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?

It comes in at one end and out of the udder.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mark30322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What bees make milk?

Boobies.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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