A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.

Bartender: I'm sorry, we don't serve food here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NOTLD1990
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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Where do people who can’t find their hamburger go?

The lost and ground

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadar-Kai-Rogue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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I ate an hamburger but it didn't Hamburg.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
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I work at Walmart and found a bunch of zucchini in with the hamburger.

Talk about squashing some beef

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffUhl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Where do hamburgers go to dance?

The meat-ball.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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A woman in my town's hamburger plant backed into a meat grinder.

Disaster.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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A helper for hamburgers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZevireTees
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Why don't hamburger buns ever get along?

There's always beef between them.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/generalofbread
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the hamburger go to the gym?

To get bigger buns

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously, they were thinking, "That poor old couple...all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.

The old man said, they were just fine, they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.

She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Everyone, meat Patty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastrwill
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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I went to Raising Caine's and asked for a hamburger.

They said they weren't Able.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremysomething
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How do we know hamburgers have high IQs?

They 'loin' fast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatwondude83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you introduce a hamburger?

β€œmeet patty”

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueboy9120
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Meet Patty

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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a hamburger introduce his sister?

Meat Patty.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leohat
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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Why did the hamburger start working out?

...to get better buns

EDIT: I got called away to do some actual work before I could add this: I credit Dr. Jason Bull for this, from an episode of Bull, reading from the bag that he got a burger in.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pucker_Factor_10
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you greet a hamburger?

β€œMeet patty”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueboy9120
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Hamburger say when he introduced his girlfriend?

Meat Patty!

I hope Grandma jokes are allowed :)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kentencat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The hamburger was losing the race against the hot dog to become the best barbeque meat...

but he mustard the energy to ketchup and win!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knotshir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a hamburgers daughters name?

Patty

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Outsider-2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Throwing a party with hot dogs and hamburgers? I will 100% go for the hot dog.

I relish the decision every time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnluckpickcard
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
How does a hamburger introduces his girlfriend ?

Meet Patty πŸ˜›πŸ€€

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I went to the local Budhist hamburger joint, and said:

Can you please make me one with everything?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepBlueCheese
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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How many hamburgers could the Hamburgerler burgle if the Hamburgerler could burgle hamburgers?

I don't have a punch line, I just wanted a burger.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amcentee85
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I lost the eating contest with the last hamburger still hanging out of my mouth.

I was so close I could taste it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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What does Mr.Hamburger say when introducing his wife?

Meat Patty!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Childs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What colour are hamburgers?

Burgundy!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunnyKook97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend to the chicken burger?

Meat Patty

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coltsdaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I just finished writing my first play, a comedy about a steak becoming hamburger. It turned into a bit of a farce.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptWineTeeth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you make a hamburger fly?

You make it plain

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corygor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What color is a hamburgers trousers?

Burgundy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quadsforthebroads
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
"Dad, could you make me a hamburger?"

"ABRACADABRA! You're a hamburger!"

This is his favorite Dad joke. I learned at a young age to say "Dad, could you cook me a hamburger"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DapplePony
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
🚨︎ report
A guy at a cookout said, "Putting fancy cheese on your hamburger is a woman thing to do."

Me: "Hey, that's not a gouda thing to say."

My soon to be father in law laughed and said, "That was a good one."

It made me feel like a parmanent member of the family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MickCJ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
🚨︎ report
How did the french fry propose to the hamburger?

With an ONION RINGπŸ₯

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doublepoundher
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
🚨︎ report
A hamburger walked into the bar and asked for a drink.

Bartender: Sorry, we don't serve food here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/casd82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Grilling Hamburgers

"Hey ____, you want your buns toasted?"

If yes: "Come on over and take a seat on the grill"

If no: "Good, the grill doesn't have room for your fat ass to sit anyway."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bship
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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Why are Wendy's hamburgers square?

Because Dave Thomas doesn't cut corners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Humbucker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
🚨︎ report
I told my dad I burned my buns making hamburgers.

He told me to stop sitting on the grill.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
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If you are served a hamburger while you are flying

Would it be regarded as a plane burger?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fr8oper8er
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I dropped my hamburger on the floor :(

"Now that's what I call GROUND beef!"

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lilbro09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hamburger that studies the urinary tract?

A Meaty Urologist

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
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"Gee dad, that hamburger meat is pretty red..."

"Guess that's, irony, for ya"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iAMtheTROUBLEDone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2016
🚨︎ report
My sister asked me to make her a hamburger.

And from the office we hear my dad say, "ZAP! You're a hamburger."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmSmashel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Had a difficult job interview for a hamburger restaurant today

They really grilled me!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/F1NANCE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Why weren't the hamburger buns getting along?

There was a beef between them!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonasdash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
🚨︎ report
Where do hamburgers go to dance?

The meat-ball.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you introduce a hamburger

Meat Patty

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j0hnnyj0hns
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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