I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry

Onions was a good dog

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MasterDistrict1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2021
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I cried when my dad chopped onions

Onions was a good dog

πŸ‘οΈŽ 76
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DonPittelleone
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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I love onions,

They always seem to bring a tear to my eye!

(Sorry if this has been done before)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bangtan_Pikachu
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2021
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What do you call an onion that likes to rhyme?

A Rapscallion!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/clay2275
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2021
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I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.

Strong OP onion

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SandJA1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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What do you call an onion who sings hip-hop?

A Rap Scallion

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fading2black82
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2021
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I thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song.

But it was just a chive talking.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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OPINION βˆ’ 3.14 = ONION
πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2021
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How should you bury an onion?

... in a shallot grave!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lyrixderaven
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2021
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How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?

Because the oignon est!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/5hred
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
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What did the wedding cake say while it was cutting an onion?

I'm in tiers!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DadJokeBadJoke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?

It's called Shallot's Web

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SquiddlyD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2021
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What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?

Thanks shallot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yotapata
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2021
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My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry

So I threw a pumpkin at her

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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My wife's an abysmal cook. She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes...

She made a right hash of it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2020
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Diced an onion
πŸ‘οΈŽ 147
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
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Did you hear about the mischievous green onion that sang hip hop?

He was a real rapscallion.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TrefoilHat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
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Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---

Rapscallion!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slowshot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2020
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Steak vs onion
πŸ‘οΈŽ 964
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TysonPlett
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2019
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What do you call an onion that won’t hold water?

A leek.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hopgeek
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
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Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says β€œwhat happened? Onions can’t jump by themselves”

the first chef responds with β€œthey can if they’re spring onions”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thebiunicorn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2020
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What does the onion say when you knock on their door...

Come on ion

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/burnertimesinfinity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2020
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My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions

But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?

Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FlamedToACrisp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2020
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What happens when an onion has an allergic reaction?

It breaks out in chives

:D

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/peachynabi12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
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Where did the onion find his family history?

In the archives

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/frankiervi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2020
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I just gave some little onions a time-out.

Those damn rapscallions

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pythag0ras2000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2020
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News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2020
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What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?

A dog with a bark worse than its bite.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hour_Scarcity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...

...don't use shallot."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/__itsyaboi__
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2020
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What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?

A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/338geek
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2020
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How do Korean onions greet each other?

Onion-haseyo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NikolaMuskBaby
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03 2020
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My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KissMyHindquarters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2020
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The recipe said to dice the onion
πŸ‘οΈŽ 496
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moses10960
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2019
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I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.

Read it and weep!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2020
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Onions!

It's enough to make a grown man cry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ejs022
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2020
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05 2019
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What type of onion can't hold in moisture?

A leek.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TinyHandRacoonMan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2020
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What do you call a green onion that makes it big as a hip hop star?

A rapscallion

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/t1m_b3nz3dr1n3-0
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2019
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What do you call an onion that has been stuffed with pie?

An O-pi-nion

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Adenu-Men5ah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2020
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What do you call an onion that can spit fire?

A rap scallion.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Curiosity-Killed-The
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
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My mom cried while cutting onions

Onions was such a good dog

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GamerJoe85
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
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My son and daughter cried when I chopped onions

Boy was he a good dog...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/potatogamer555
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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I always cried when my dad cut onions

Onions was such a good dog

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/swimtomars
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2020
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I cried when my mom chopped onions

Onions was a good dog.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2020
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What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?

Most of the time, an onion with a tail on it. But every once in a while, you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2020
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Opinion - 3.14 = Onion

Opinion - 3.14 = Onion

πŸ‘οΈŽ 281
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ranunculaceousninja
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2019
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What is another name for a Hip Hop Onion?

A rapscallion.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DudeWithRedditAcc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2020
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