Diced an onion
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
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News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
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Personally I hope for sour cream and onion
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxDr-Beckyxx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says β€œwhat happened? Onions can’t jump by themselves”

the first chef responds with β€œthey can if they’re spring onions”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebiunicorn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
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I just gave some little onions a time-out.

Those damn rapscallions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pythag0ras2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
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I hate cutting onions

they make me so emotional

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcyFrogg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
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What happens when an onion has an allergic reaction?

It breaks out in chives

:D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peachynabi12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
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I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...

...don't use shallot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__itsyaboi__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
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What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?

A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/338geek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
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What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?

A dog with a bark worse than its bite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hour_Scarcity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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I always cried when my dad cut onions

Onions was such a good dog

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimtomars
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?

Most of the time, an onion with a tail on it. But every once in a while, you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ May 15
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I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.

Read it and weep!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28
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Onions!

It's enough to make a grown man cry.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ejs022
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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How do Korean onions greet each other?

Onion-haseyo

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikolaMuskBaby
πŸ“…︎ May 03
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My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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Steak vs onion
πŸ‘︎ 963
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TysonPlett
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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I cried when my mom chopped onions

Onions was a good dog.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
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What do you call an onion that has been stuffed with pie?

An O-pi-nion

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adenu-Men5ah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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What is another name for a Hip Hop Onion?

A rapscallion.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DudeWithRedditAcc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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What type of onion can't hold in moisture?

A leek.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinyHandRacoonMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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What do you call a green onion that makes it big as a hip hop star?

A rapscallion

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t1m_b3nz3dr1n3-0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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What do you call an onion’s more fun cousin?

Funions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmckenzie7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the mischievous new artist MC Green Onion?

Also goes by the name 'Rapscallion'.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reyean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Waitress at Wimpy asked us if we'd like onion rings or mozzarella sticks 'for the table'

"No thanks, I don't think the table's hungry."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaFan812
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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Opinion - 3.14 = Onion

Opinion - 3.14 = Onion

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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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I’ve discovered the secret to avoid crying while chopping onions:

Try not to get emotionally attached.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KelKira
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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The recipe said to dice the onion
πŸ‘︎ 502
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know how much I love onions?

Shallot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarsRoadster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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I'm layered, like an onion -

Once you start peeling off layers you realize they're all the same and it makes you cry.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leeuwe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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I saw an onion ring

So I answered it.

πŸ‘︎ 469
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsaMeMattio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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A lot of people cry when they cut onions

The trick is not to form an emotional bond!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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I was walking past my fridge last night when I thought I heard two onions singing a BeeGees song.

But when I opened the door it was just the chives talking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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The other day my dad was making pea soup and cutting up onions

I started to cry because Onions was a good dog.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rexman3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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What do you call a green onion with mad rhyme skills?

A Rapscallion

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/petertmcqueeny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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How many onions does this recipe call for?

Shallot

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/150yd7iron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
"You're like an onion," said my wife.

"You have to peel back the layers to get to know me," I replied.

She said, "No. You're small, round, you make me cry and you stink."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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I love onions so much,

that I cry whenever I have to cut one.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pongoid
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Flag of the Soviet Onion
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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My friend said that an onion was the only food that could make you cry..

So I threw a coconut at his face.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bazander04
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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What do you call a mischievieous onion?

A rapscallion

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sches741
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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Wanna here a joke about onions?

Listen up, Cheeky Chops, or you won't hear the joke!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mean_Car
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What do you get when you mix onions with the ratio of their circumference to their diameters?

Opinions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/popegonzo
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a Bostonian onion’s favorite punk band?

Good Shallot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IratePuddle
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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Imagine someone teaching you the hacks of the onion Browser. They would be your tormentor.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jawad062
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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Pro tip for the kitchen. If you're out of onions and you really need one...

Just take your opinion and subtract 3.14.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cellocat007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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What do you give an anxious onion?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaussWanker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Where do bees go when they want to pollinate an onion?

To their chive

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zberry97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Why did the musically inclined onion misbehave?

Because he was a rapscallion.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/testmonkeyalpha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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I'm allergic to green onions

Every time I eat them, I break out in chives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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Instead of PB&J sandwich, I accidentally gave my son chopped onion into his lunch box

He cried.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rybavlimuzine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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I love onions so much...

I could cry

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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I was having some difficulties remembering what spices went well with garlic and onion, but a professional chef assisted.

He gave me some sage advice. It was about thyme too.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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When I was 7, I cried when my dad chopped up onions

I miss onions, he was a good dog

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qenchronos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
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If Kanye samples "Green Onions" in a track...

...does that make him a rapscallion?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahwitz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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I told my wife we were having liver and onions for dinner and she said that's disgusting!!

I said, no it's offal.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/430am
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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I love to smother my burger with lots of chunky tomato, onion and garlic condiment...

I really relish it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessionalEntry
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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An onion is a tier-e fruit
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GGSpooks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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What’s the difference between Batman and an onion?

Batman only has one lair.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_Day_Man
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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Her: I’m at home. I just ate a pizza covered with pepperoni and onions.

Me: Couldn’t you have covered yourself with a blanket instead?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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I am going to start Web site that is dedicated to revealing secret recipes that contain vegetables that are in the same family as onion and garlic and are especially good with potatoes.

It will be called wikileeks.com

πŸ‘︎ 273
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Did you hear about the green onion that went to jail?

Turns out he was a real rapSCALLION

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πŸ‘€︎ u/christfarrar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion
πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmonkey95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
🚨︎ report
I love onions so much

That I cry every time I have to dice one.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pongoid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I was sitting on the sofa with my wife last night, when I said, "Honey, you remind me of an onion."

She smiled, blushed a little and asked, "Why? Because I have so many layers to my personality!?"

"No."

"Oh, OK, something stupid like, you'll cry when you slice me up?!"

"Nope."

"OK! OK! You'd prefer it if I was battered?!"

"Nah."

"You either love me or hate me? I'm good in small doses? I can be a bit overpowering?!"

"No, no and no!"

Exasperated, she shrieked, "Oh, all right then, why?!"

"You smell like an onion!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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What do you call an onion that got what was coming to it?

Karma-lized!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoDave1111
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do Orthodox churches have onion domes?

Because if they didn’t, they’d be unorthodox.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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Woman in hospital after being served daffodil bulbs instead of onions in her curry... don’t worry she will be out in the spring
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moff123456
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ghetto onion?

A rapscallion.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Brilliant Onion Article theonion.com/articles/bo-…
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phillycj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2013
🚨︎ report
I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out.

Curse those wrap-scallions!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TonySpumoni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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My brother ordered haystack onions at a restaurant.

Dad: "You should tell the waitress you found a needle in those."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smmllr95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
🚨︎ report
The Onion with an article full of dad-dog humor

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bo-obama-receives-visiting-dognitaries-from-furugu,31075/

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h2ohman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
🚨︎ report
I saw an onion ring.

So I answered it.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forkingbread
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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