News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
Personally I hope for sour cream and onion
Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says “what happened? Onions can’t jump by themselves”
the first chef responds with “they can if they’re spring onions”
I just gave some little onions a time-out.
I hate cutting onions
they make me so emotional
What happens when an onion has an allergic reaction?
It breaks out in chives
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?
A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
I always cried when my dad cut onions
Onions was such a good dog
What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?
Most of the time, an onion with a tail on it. But every once in a while, you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.
I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.
It's enough to make a grown man cry.
How do Korean onions greet each other?
My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.
So I threw a coconut at him.
I cried when my mom chopped onions
What do you call an onion that has been stuffed with pie?
What is another name for a Hip Hop Onion?
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
What do you call a green onion that makes it big as a hip hop star?
What do you call an onion’s more fun cousin?
Have you heard the mischievous new artist MC Green Onion?
Also goes by the name 'Rapscallion'.
There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.
Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.
So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.
He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.
As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.
She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.
This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.
When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.
This lasts a good while, having its ups and
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Waitress at Wimpy asked us if we'd like onion rings or mozzarella sticks 'for the table'
"No thanks, I don't think the table's hungry."
I’ve discovered the secret to avoid crying while chopping onions:
Try not to get emotionally attached.
The recipe said to dice the onion
Wanna know how much I love onions?
I'm layered, like an onion -
Once you start peeling off layers you realize they're all the same and it makes you cry.
My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at his face.
A lot of people cry when they cut onions
The trick is not to form an emotional bond!
I was walking past my fridge last night when I thought I heard two onions singing a BeeGees song.
But when I opened the door it was just the chives talking.
The other day my dad was making pea soup and cutting up onions
I started to cry because Onions was a good dog.
What do you call a green onion with mad rhyme skills?
How many onions does this recipe call for?
"You're like an onion," said my wife.
"You have to peel back the layers to get to know me," I replied.
She said, "No. You're small, round, you make me cry and you stink."
I love onions so much,
that I cry whenever I have to cut one.
My friend said that an onion was the only food that could make you cry..
So I threw a coconut at his face.
What do you call a mischievieous onion?
Wanna here a joke about onions?
Listen up, Cheeky Chops, or you won't hear the joke!
What do you get when you mix onions with the ratio of their circumference to their diameters?
What’s a Bostonian onion’s favorite punk band?
Imagine someone teaching you the hacks of the onion Browser. They would be your tormentor.
Pro tip for the kitchen. If you're out of onions and you really need one...
Just take your opinion and subtract 3.14.
What do you give an anxious onion?
Where do bees go when they want to pollinate an onion?
Why did the musically inclined onion misbehave?
Because he was a rapscallion.
I'm allergic to green onions
Every time I eat them, I break out in chives.
Instead of PB&J sandwich, I accidentally gave my son chopped onion into his lunch box
I was having some difficulties remembering what spices went well with garlic and onion, but a professional chef assisted.
He gave me some sage advice. It was about thyme too.
When I was 7, I cried when my dad chopped up onions
I miss onions, he was a good dog
If Kanye samples "Green Onions" in a track...
...does that make him a rapscallion?
I told my wife we were having liver and onions for dinner and she said that's disgusting!!
I love to smother my burger with lots of chunky tomato, onion and garlic condiment...
An onion is a tier-e fruit
What’s the difference between Batman and an onion?
Batman only has one lair.
Her: I’m at home. I just ate a pizza covered with pepperoni and onions.
Me: Couldn’t you have covered yourself with a blanket instead?
I am going to start Web site that is dedicated to revealing secret recipes that contain vegetables that are in the same family as onion and garlic and are especially good with potatoes.
It will be called wikileeks.com
Did you hear about the green onion that went to jail?
Turns out he was a real rapSCALLION
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion
I love onions so much
That I cry every time I have to dice one.
I was sitting on the sofa with my wife last night, when I said, "Honey, you remind me of an onion."
She smiled, blushed a little and asked, "Why? Because I have so many layers to my personality!?"
"Oh, OK, something stupid like, you'll cry when you slice me up?!"
"OK! OK! You'd prefer it if I was battered?!"
"You either love me or hate me? I'm good in small doses? I can be a bit overpowering?!"
"No, no and no!"
Exasperated, she shrieked, "Oh, all right then, why?!"
"You smell like an onion!"
What do you call an onion that got what was coming to it?
Why do Orthodox churches have onion domes?
Because if they didn’t, they’d be unorthodox.
Woman in hospital after being served daffodil bulbs instead of onions in her curry... don’t worry she will be out in the spring
What do you call a ghetto onion?
I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out.
Curse those wrap-scallions!
My brother ordered haystack onions at a restaurant.
Dad: "You should tell the waitress you found a needle in those."
The Onion with an article full of dad-dog humor