33 Hilarious The Onion Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry

Onions was a good dog

👍︎ 41

💬︎

👤︎ u/MasterDistrict1

📅︎ Jun 03 2021

🚨︎ report

I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.

Strong OP onion

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/SandJA1

📅︎ Apr 16 2021

🚨︎ report

How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?

Because the oignon est!

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/5hred

📅︎ Feb 28 2021

🚨︎ report

Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?

It's called Shallot's Web

👍︎ 14

💬︎

👤︎ u/SquiddlyD

📅︎ Jan 04 2021

🚨︎ report

What did the wedding cake say while it was cutting an onion?

I'm in tiers!

👍︎ 9

💬︎

👤︎ u/DadJokeBadJoke

📅︎ Jan 19 2021

🚨︎ report

My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry

So I threw a pumpkin at her

👍︎ 23

💬︎

👤︎ u/mrjaxson1111

📅︎ Nov 13 2020

🚨︎ report

Did you hear about the mischievous green onion that sang hip hop?

He was a real rapscallion.

👍︎ 11

💬︎

👤︎ u/TrefoilHat

📅︎ Oct 24 2020

🚨︎ report

Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---

Rapscallion!

👍︎ 15

💬︎

👤︎ u/slowshot

📅︎ Sep 26 2020

🚨︎ report

Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says “what happened? Onions can’t jump by themselves”

the first chef responds with “they can if they’re spring onions”

👍︎ 15

💬︎

👤︎ u/thebiunicorn

📅︎ Jul 06 2020

🚨︎ report

What does the onion say when you knock on their door...

Come on ion

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/burnertimesinfinity

📅︎ Oct 07 2020

🚨︎ report

Where did the onion find his family history?

In the archives

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/frankiervi

📅︎ Sep 02 2020

🚨︎ report

News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

👍︎ 10

💬︎

👤︎ u/thejohnblog

📅︎ Aug 03 2020

🚨︎ report

I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...

...don't use shallot."

👍︎ 7

💬︎

👤︎ u/__itsyaboi__

📅︎ Jul 08 2020

🚨︎ report

My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

👍︎ 23

💬︎

👤︎ u/KissMyHindquarters

📅︎ Apr 27 2020

🚨︎ report

The recipe said to dice the onion

👍︎ 498

💬︎

👤︎ u/moses10960

📅︎ Feb 19 2019

🚨︎ report

I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.

Read it and weep!

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/Rav4xle

📅︎ May 28 2020

🚨︎ report

Have you heard the mischievous new artist MC Green Onion?

Also goes by the name 'Rapscallion'.

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/reyean

📅︎ Jan 04 2020

🚨︎ report

I’ve discovered the secret to avoid crying while chopping onions:

Try not to get emotionally attached.

👍︎ 6

💬︎

👤︎ u/KelKira

📅︎ Oct 18 2019

🚨︎ report

Waitress at Wimpy asked us if we'd like onion rings or mozzarella sticks 'for the table'

"No thanks, I don't think the table's hungry."

👍︎ 16

💬︎

👤︎ u/ZeldaFan812

📅︎ Dec 28 2019

🚨︎ report

My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face.

👍︎ 64

💬︎

👤︎ u/Leeuwe

📅︎ Jul 31 2019

🚨︎ report

The other day my dad was making pea soup and cutting up onions

I started to cry because Onions was a good dog.

👍︎ 7

💬︎

👤︎ u/Rexman3

📅︎ Jun 16 2019

🚨︎ report

Flag of the Soviet Onion

👍︎ 20

💬︎

👤︎ u/many_mean_comments

📅︎ Nov 29 2018

🚨︎ report

Imagine someone teaching you the hacks of the onion Browser. They would be your tormentor.

👍︎ 8

💬︎

👤︎ u/jawad062

📅︎ Nov 10 2018

🚨︎ report

Pro tip for the kitchen. If you're out of onions and you really need one...

Just take your opinion and subtract 3.14.

👍︎ 36

💬︎

👤︎ u/Cellocat007

📅︎ Oct 08 2018

🚨︎ report

What do you get when you mix onions with the ratio of their circumference to their diameters?

Opinions.

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/popegonzo

📅︎ May 18 2019

🚨︎ report

I am going to start Web site that is dedicated to revealing secret recipes that contain vegetables that are in the same family as onion and garlic and are especially good with potatoes.

It will be called wikileeks.com

👍︎ 270

💬︎

👤︎ u/TheWholeDamnInternet

📅︎ Aug 31 2016

🚨︎ report

Why did the musically inclined onion misbehave?

Because he was a rapscallion.

👍︎ 6

💬︎

👤︎ u/testmonkeyalpha

📅︎ Feb 01 2019

🚨︎ report

What’s the difference between Batman and an onion?

Batman only has one lair.

👍︎ 12

💬︎

👤︎ u/I_Am_Day_Man

📅︎ Mar 12 2018

🚨︎ report

I was sitting on the sofa with my wife last night, when I said, "Honey, you remind me of an onion."

She smiled, blushed a little and asked, "Why? Because I have so many layers to my personality!?"

"No."

"Oh, OK, something stupid like, you'll cry when you slice me up?!"

"Nope."

"OK! OK! You'd prefer it if I was battered?!"

"Nah."

"You either love me or hate me? I'm good in small doses? I can be a bit overpowering?!"

"No, no and no!"

Exasperated, she shrieked, "Oh, all right then, why?!"

"You smell like an onion!"

👍︎ 7

💬︎

👤︎ u/madazzahatter

📅︎ Dec 15 2017

🚨︎ report

Woman in hospital after being served daffodil bulbs instead of onions in her curry... don’t worry she will be out in the spring

👍︎ 6

💬︎

👤︎ u/Moff123456

📅︎ Nov 24 2017

🚨︎ report

I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out.

Curse those wrap-scallions!

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/TonySpumoni

📅︎ Aug 29 2016

🚨︎ report

The Onion with an article full of dad-dog humor

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bo-obama-receives-visiting-dognitaries-from-furugu,31075/

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/h2ohman

📅︎ Dec 16 2013

🚨︎ report

Did you hear about the green onion that went to jail?

Turns out he was a real rapSCALLION

👍︎ 24

💬︎

👤︎ u/christfarrar

📅︎ Apr 10 2018

🚨︎ report