Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?

It's called Shallot's Web

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquiddlyD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?

Thanks shallot.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yotapata
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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My mom cried while cutting onions

Onions was such a good dog

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerJoe85
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry

So I threw a pumpkin at her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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My wife's an abysmal cook. She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes...

She made a right hash of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Did you hear about the mischievous green onion that sang hip hop?

He was a real rapscallion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrefoilHat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---

Rapscallion!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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What do you call an onion that won’t hold water?

A leek.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hopgeek
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Diced an onion
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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What does the onion say when you knock on their door...

Come on ion

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions

But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?

Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlamedToACrisp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Grocery delivery just dropped off this huge onion.

Picture of onion

I don't know what to do with it. I am going to cry.

That is so not appealing. I am left fuming. I may go into a vegetative state.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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I eat spring onions before going on walks.

I like a little spring in my step.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RioZX
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Where did the onion find his family history?

In the archives

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frankiervi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says β€œwhat happened? Onions can’t jump by themselves”

the first chef responds with β€œthey can if they’re spring onions”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebiunicorn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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What happens when an onion has an allergic reaction?

It breaks out in chives

:D

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peachynabi12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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I just gave some little onions a time-out.

Those damn rapscallions

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pythag0ras2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Steak vs onion
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TysonPlett
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...

...don't use shallot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__itsyaboi__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?

A dog with a bark worse than its bite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hour_Scarcity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?

A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

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πŸ‘€︎ u/338geek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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How do Korean onions greet each other?

Onion-haseyo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikolaMuskBaby
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.

Read it and weep!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Onions!

It's enough to make a grown man cry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ejs022
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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What do you call an onion that has been stuffed with pie?

An O-pi-nion

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adenu-Men5ah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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What type of onion can't hold in moisture?

A leek.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinyHandRacoonMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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Opinion - 3.14 = Onion

Opinion - 3.14 = Onion

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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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What do you call a green onion that makes it big as a hip hop star?

A rapscallion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t1m_b3nz3dr1n3-0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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The recipe said to dice the onion
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Have you heard the mischievous new artist MC Green Onion?

Also goes by the name 'Rapscallion'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reyean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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What do you call an onion’s more fun cousin?

Funions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmckenzie7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Waitress at Wimpy asked us if we'd like onion rings or mozzarella sticks 'for the table'

"No thanks, I don't think the table's hungry."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaFan812
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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I’ve discovered the secret to avoid crying while chopping onions:

Try not to get emotionally attached.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KelKira
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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I saw an onion ring

So I answered it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsaMeMattio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm layered, like an onion -

Once you start peeling off layers you realize they're all the same and it makes you cry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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Wanna know how much I love onions?

Shallot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarsRoadster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leeuwe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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The other day my dad was making pea soup and cutting up onions

I started to cry because Onions was a good dog.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rexman3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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I was walking past my fridge last night when I thought I heard two onions singing a BeeGees song.

But when I opened the door it was just the chives talking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I always cried when my dad cut onions

Onions was such a good dog

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimtomars
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?

Most of the time, an onion with a tail on it. But every once in a while, you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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I cried when my mom chopped onions

Onions was a good dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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What is another name for a Hip Hop Onion?

A rapscallion.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DudeWithRedditAcc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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I saw an onion ring.

So I answered it.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forkingbread
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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