Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History... keep reading on reddit ➡
Take away its tiny brooms 🧹
How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???
You take away its little brooms!!!
Take away it's tiny brooms.
But, smoking bacon will cure it.
Bartender says “get out of here, we don’t serve breakfast!”
The bartender says: “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
A complete breakfast
...but only one strip at a time.
This is no Bacon Tree, this is a Ham Bush.
I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"
Salt and Peppa
You take away their little brooms
He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"
When he makes it over to the tree, a robber steps out and points a gun at him.
The man says, "whoa, I just wanted some of the bacon from the bacon tree!"
The robber grunts and says, "This ain't no bacon tree. This is a hambush!"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaim... keep reading on reddit ➡
2 guys are walking through the desert completely starving. The first guy sees a bacon tree and takes off running towards it screaming, "We're saved, it's a bacon tree!" All the sudden he's under fire from all directions. He's completely riddled with bullets. The second guy catches up and kneels down beside him. With his last breath he says, "It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a hambush."
Thought of this at work while I was cooking.
One runs up to eat the bacon, when all of the sudden he starts getting shot at from out of nowhere. He yells to his friend, "watch out! It's not a bacon tree. It's a hambush!"
*Borrowed from a friend who is very much dad material.
You take away its tiny little broom!
But he said, "No fatty. Stop eating!"
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Take away their brooms.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry boys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
"Sorry we don't serve breakfast here"
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
Thick-Cut and Bad for My Heart.
So this is a bit long, sorry about that.
Zorro and his best bud the Lone Ranger were riding through the desert one day, I forget where they were heading to or where they had come from, but we can safely assume shenanigans of some kind were the driving force.
They have been travelling for most of the day and are starting to get tired. There has been a discussion about making camp for the night, but as things are they have agreed to continue riding for a while longer, till the sun starts to set. Away and off to the west the Lone Ranger spies a plant that seems to have large pink flowers that hang in strips with white stripes running the length of them.
"Zorro, what's that over there?" he asks.
Zorro turns in his saddle and raises his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "Ah, it looks like a bacon tree, quite common in these parts. Let's ride on, there is a good place an hour from now to set up camp."
The two friends ride on and as the sun is beginning to descend the have stopped... keep reading on reddit ➡
My porking brake was on.
Smoking bacon cures it
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
the bartender said “sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
It said: Happy Hollandaise!
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
In reply to my daughters statement "I love bacon"
The bacon says “I’ll have 3 beers for me and my friends”. The bartender then says “ no way man, we don’t serve breakfast here!”
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Take away it's tiny broom.
“A frying pan. Duh!”
Chris P. Bacon
Every time someone orders a bacon gouda sandwich at my job, I always hand it off to the customer saying "Have a gouda day!" All of my coworkers groan but the customers die laughing and that's all that matters :-)
He had a tip off.
Mom: check the bacon in the oven
Dad: still bacon!
Barman says, sorry we don't serve rashers in here.
... The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast in here".
"Presenting...Fantastic Beasts and Where to Fry Them!"
Dad interrupts with "yeah, lardon is just bacon thats excited"
... and the bartender says "Get out - we don't serve breakfast here."
I came up with this just last night, and I am positive that the only person I know who would laugh is my dad:
"I used to be totally addicted to bacon. I mean, I would eat three packs a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Now I'm cured."
He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"
My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."
"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"
I'm not saying I'll watch it. But there's been wurst casting.
Mom: I don't know I think turkey bacon is hard to chew
Dad: That's why you gobble-gobble it
Her: "Did you guys smoke it?"
My Dad (who was in the room): "No, they ate it."
Wife: did you get hit with bacon grease?
Me: yeah. Right in the eyelid.
Wife: Good thing it didn't actually go in your eye
Me: yeah, I never would've looked at bacon the same way again
...and I said "looks like you're doing some bakin!" Oooohhhhh the look I got...
Or should I make a cheese and bacon omelette?
Just heard that one from my dad on the phone.
Mom, "Pookie, can you turn off the bacon please?" Dad walks up to the pan and says, "You're ugly and fatty and I don't want to be with you." He turns to mom, "Okay, they're not in the mood anymore."
"Did I ever tell you about the worst bacon I ever had?!"
.... "It was delicious"
^ wasn't my dad, but absolutely something my dad would say.
Me: I usually cook bacon on a Foreman Grill.
Dad: This is a Foreman.
Dad: pointing at himself It's FOR MAN.
I was cooking bacon in the microwave and my dad walks into the kitchen
Dad: wow something is really BACON in here
Mom: oh what's baking?
Dad walks away chuckling
The bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
But smoking bacon will cure it.
Smoking Bacon will Cure it.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
You take their little brooms away.
You take away his little broom
But smoking bacon will cure it.
You take away its tiny brooms