Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?

Take away its tiny brooms 🧹

πŸ‘︎ 328
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tthrivi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

You take away its little brooms!!!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciceronic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
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[OC] You're bacon me crazy!
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebelrosepins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TexinFla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you...Bacon will kill you...

But, smoking bacon will cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar

Bartender says β€œget out of here, we don’t serve breakfast!”

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar...

The bartender says: β€œSorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
His favourite sandwich is Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomatoe
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ni_ko_98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call a finished puzzle of bacon and pancakes?

A complete breakfast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demencia_Stan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
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With bars finally reopening, exotic dancers can once again bring home the bacon...

...but only one strip at a time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
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What do you call it when you forget where you put the bacon?

Hamnesia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgar-Allan-Post
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
2 cowboys were riding along and one saw a tree with bacon dangling from the branches. One called out saying "Look a Bacon Tree!" As they went closer to have a look they were confronted with a sky full of arrows. The other cowboy yelled:

This is no Bacon Tree, this is a Ham Bush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendo20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.

I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unklethan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call bacon with salt on it?

Salt and Peppa

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realsuperguy199
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away their little brooms

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JRBX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sick bacon?

He was Cured!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
I had a physical and my doctor said, "don't eat anything fatty". I said like "bacon and cheeseburgers ?"

He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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A man is starving in the desert and sees a bacon tree in the distance.

When he makes it over to the tree, a robber steps out and points a gun at him.

The man says, "whoa, I just wanted some of the bacon from the bacon tree!"

The robber grunts and says, "This ain't no bacon tree. This is a hambush!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WERE_A_BAND
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"

I said "No, I'd rather fry one."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaim

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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Bacon Tree

2 guys are walking through the desert completely starving. The first guy sees a bacon tree and takes off running towards it screaming, "We're saved, it's a bacon tree!" All the sudden he's under fire from all directions. He's completely riddled with bullets. The second guy catches up and kneels down beside him. With his last breath he says, "It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a hambush."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tetrapsy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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I don't understand why vegans won't eat pork, but will rave about seitan bacon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rjstoz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Bacon isn’t the main attraction

Sausages.

Thought of this at work while I was cooking.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/19you1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Two very hungry men were wandering the desert when they see a bacon tree.

One runs up to eat the bacon, when all of the sudden he starts getting shot at from out of nowhere. He yells to his friend, "watch out! It's not a bacon tree. It's a hambush!"

*Borrowed from a friend who is very much dad material.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phizzwizard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?

You take away its tiny little broom!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me not to eat anything fatty. I asked him if he meant bacon and eggs.

But he said, "No fatty. Stop eating!"

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.

To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blackfaceplant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get bacon to stop curling in the frying pan?

Take away their brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/izzyjubejube
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar

They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.

The bartender looks at them and says β€œsorry boys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Curing bacon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IndigoContinuum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A hardboiled egg and a piece of bacon walk into a bar, the bartender looks up and says,

"Sorry we don't serve breakfast here"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacB1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.

Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I like my women how I like my bacon..

Thick-Cut and Bad for My Heart.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyler_Morris
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The Legend of Zorro and the Bacon Tree

So this is a bit long, sorry about that.

Zorro and his best bud the Lone Ranger were riding through the desert one day, I forget where they were heading to or where they had come from, but we can safely assume shenanigans of some kind were the driving force.

They have been travelling for most of the day and are starting to get tired. There has been a discussion about making camp for the night, but as things are they have agreed to continue riding for a while longer, till the sun starts to set. Away and off to the west the Lone Ranger spies a plant that seems to have large pink flowers that hang in strips with white stripes running the length of them.

"Zorro, what's that over there?" he asks.

Zorro turns in his saddle and raises his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "Ah, it looks like a bacon tree, quite common in these parts. Let's ride on, there is a good place an hour from now to set up camp."

The two friends ride on and as the sun is beginning to descend the have stopped

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.

My porking brake was on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsKilLikeMine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you, bacon will kill you...

Smoking bacon cures it

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hangry_Gunner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Two eggs and a side of bacon walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rkoberlin
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?

He got a little behind in his deliveries.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkey_Fiddler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar

the bartender said β€œsorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sizzlingmaniac69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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I got a seasonal card from a poached egg, an English muffin and a slice of Canadian bacon.

It said: Happy Hollandaise!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7heJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.

Badumm tss.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TH31NT3LL3CTUAL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur covered in bacon?

Jurassic pork!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NAHchoCHEEESE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
So Im surprising my girlfriend with bacon today. And I attached this note. imgur.com/ZFe9QB8
πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldane
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
🚨︎ report
MMMM Bacon... It's like the bacon of meats!

In reply to my daughters statement "I love bacon"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dotymail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
egg, bacon and coffee walk into a bar

The bacon says β€œI’ll have 3 beers for me and my friends”. The bartender then says β€œ no way man, we don’t serve breakfast here!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtinGhavimi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do communist hate bacon?

Because it’s from capitalist pigs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JontyElwin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a piece of bacon in a bush that can play football?

The-Meat-Tree-Payet

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Asher-Frere-
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Bacon My Heart imgur.com/4U7zTj2
πŸ‘︎ 304
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N-Slash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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How is bacon like southern Europe?

It's got a lot of Greece in it.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adnroy
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny broom.

πŸ‘︎ 260
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NTX_cat_rescue
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
This morning my wife and I walked in to the kitchen only to find a panda bear frying up some eggs and bacon for breakfast. My wife exclaimed in horror: β€œWhat the hell is that?!”

β€œA frying pan. Duh!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikMFoss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son

Chris P. Bacon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grnxnhm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?

It's meteor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Every time someone orders a bacon gouda sandwich...

Every time someone orders a bacon gouda sandwich at my job, I always hand it off to the customer saying "Have a gouda day!" All of my coworkers groan but the customers die laughing and that's all that matters :-)

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moeevee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2016
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Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?

He had a tip off.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sephjnr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom asked my dad to check the bacon

Mom: check the bacon in the oven

Dad: still bacon!

πŸ‘︎ 304
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Draked1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call real bacon?

Genuswine

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sickladbro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Fella with psoriasis goes into a pub and orders a bacon sandwich.

Barman says, sorry we don't serve rashers in here.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
An egg, a piece of toast and a slice of bacon walk into a bar ...

... The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast in here".

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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After cooking bacon and eggs for my family for breakfast...

"Presenting...Fantastic Beasts and Where to Fry Them!"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jumblecaper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Don't go bacon my heart.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nandiila
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
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I was explaining to my mom that "Lardon" is basically just bacon

Dad interrupts with "yeah, lardon is just bacon thats excited"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DptBear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Eggs and Bacon walk into a bar...

... and the bartender says "Get out - we don't serve breakfast here."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBillyLotion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Most of my jokes are about bacon...

I came up with this just last night, and I am positive that the only person I know who would laugh is my dad:

"I used to be totally addicted to bacon. I mean, I would eat three packs a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Now I'm cured."

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bill4935
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
🚨︎ report
My daily bacon calendar dad joked me.

http://imgur.com/x5iNUKD

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterlou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad stacked a ton of bacon on his plate...

He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"

My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."

"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
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I can't wait for the new Veggietales movie. I hear it covers WW2 including Canadian Bacon, French Bread, Spanish Wine, American Roasts, British Root Veggies, and Nazi Sausages.

I'm not saying I'll watch it. But there's been wurst casting.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaughtInthePocket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call bacon that's 100 days old?

Ancient Grease.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilABustArr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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My dad on turkey bacon

Mom: I don't know I think turkey bacon is hard to chew

Dad: That's why you gobble-gobble it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/velmaa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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Telling my aunt about bacon I made and had with friends

Her: "Did you guys smoke it?"

My Dad (who was in the room): "No, they ate it."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheeseable
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
🚨︎ report
I had a close call with bacon while cooking.

Me: ouch!

Wife: did you get hit with bacon grease?

Me: yeah. Right in the eyelid.

Wife: Good thing it didn't actually go in your eye

Me: yeah, I never would've looked at bacon the same way again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
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Wife had a bunch of bacon on a cookie sheet...

...and I said "looks like you're doing some bakin!" Oooohhhhh the look I got...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brothwell0403
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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Do you just want a bacon and cheese omelette?

Or should I make a cheese and bacon omelette?

Just heard that one from my dad on the phone.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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Daddy's Breakfast Bacon

Mom, "Pookie, can you turn off the bacon please?" Dad walks up to the pan and says, "You're ugly and fatty and I don't want to be with you." He turns to mom, "Okay, they're not in the mood anymore."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unabated
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Bacon

"Did I ever tell you about the worst bacon I ever had?!"

.... "It was delicious"

^ wasn't my dad, but absolutely something my dad would say.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ak47sawitoski
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
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My dad was cooking bacon in a pan.

Me: I usually cook bacon on a Foreman Grill.

Dad: This is a Foreman.

Me: Huh?

Dad: pointing at himself It's FOR MAN.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gettinhyphy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Bacon

I was cooking bacon in the microwave and my dad walks into the kitchen

Dad: wow something is really BACON in here

Mom: oh what's baking?

Dad walks away chuckling

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quinnykid7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.

The bartender says β€œsorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.

But smoking bacon will cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you. And Bacon will kill you. But...

Smoking Bacon will Cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 329
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticaFont
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you...

But smoking bacon will cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in a pan?

You take their little brooms away.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyboy6657
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away his little broom

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you...

But smoking bacon will cure it.

πŸ‘︎ 185
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glittercorpse
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan

You take away its tiny brooms

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soupinabagel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you keep Canadian Bacon from curling?

Take away its tiny brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
🚨︎ report

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