I've been reading so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently, that I've made a firm new year's resolution..
What do you call poetry that was written by people smoking marijuana?
My boyfriend told me as I walked in “hey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
If smoking is so bad
Then why does it cure salmon?
Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
Edit: Well this is rare, I wasn't sure how well done this joke was. Thanks for the face palm.
I’ve noticed I can tell when the ocean is smoking pot lately.
I’ve noticed I can tell when the ocean is smoking pot lately. How can I tell? When I see that the Tide is High.
Don’t know if this counts as a dad joke.
Smoking is bad
it shortens your lungevity
So proud of my daughter, who ran upstairs to tell me our downstairs toilet was smoking.
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
Why is smoking bad for cat girls?
Because of the neko-tine! ;0
Someone punched the blunt I was smoking.
I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...
I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.
People say smoking will give you diseases...
But how can they say that when it cures salmon?
Are you smoking weed in this pandemic?
So I picked up a pretty bad smoking habit...
My son hates it... he always likes to tell me “dad! Stop! Smoking causes cancer”... I’m always disappointed to inform him, “No son. Smoking causes ashes”
Smoking will kill you...Bacon will kill you...
But, smoking bacon will cure it.
What did the student do after smoking weed ?
How did the pirate quit smoking?
I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".
Ever since the kraken quit smoking..
I was going to grow my own tabacco for smoking, but I don't have enough land.
I guess it's just a pipe dream.
People at the anti-smoking awareness seminar were very friendly...
especially during cigarette breaks
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"
For Easter I plan on smoking a ham.
Anyone know where I can find rolling papers big enough to fit one?
My friend got fined by the cops when they saw him smoking a joint in a greenhouse.
People in glass houses shouldn’t get stoned.
I once tried smoking
It all went Dunhill from there
How do you know when the beef is smoking?
When the steaks are high!!!
If you die from smoking weed does that mean that you were killed by a blunt object?
Smoking weed in an oven...
Is a good way to get baked
Video title: Neil deGrasse Tyson defends Elon Musk smoking Weed
What did the pot smoking church bell say at 1 AM?
My boss walked in on me smoking a cigarette. “No smoking allowed!” He told me.
Sorry, I’ll try to be quieter next time
Smoking causes early death...
but I’m not a morning person
The no smoking with a child in the car law is rediculous.
I mean, Look at the poor fella freezing out there.
Me and my brother really tries to quit smoking weed,
but it's hard, being cojoint twins.
What would Tolkien have said if he were asked to quit smoking?
Smoking for the dark side
I went to a concert and everyone was smoking marijuana,
you could say it was a little phishy
I saw a woman once that was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She started waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead...
She was waving an illegal fire arm.
An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed
Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
If smoking is bad...
then why does it cure salmon?
I was fired from my job when I asked a customer if they wanted "smoking" or "non-smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" or "burial".
“No smoking allowed!” My manager told me
Sorry I’ll be quieter next time
Smoking will kill you. And Bacon will kill you. But...
Smoking Bacon will Cure it.
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