A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.

I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Houshweeni
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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As if 2020 wasn't crazy enough in Texas today, a herd of cows suddenly burst into flames.

Scientists still don't know what the cattle-lyst was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TigerDiesel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,

There are no firearms allowed in this building.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Did you know that if you get really close to a lighter flame…

…it smells like burnt nose hair?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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I saw a woman once that was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She started waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead...

She was waving an illegal fire arm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaidendeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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This tinder conversation didn't fail to incite a flame
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Back in medieval times, they used to make computer mice out of the poop of giant flame breathing reptiles...

...surely you've heard of the "dragon drop" interface.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartanMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?

I found the perfect match!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crunchybedsheets
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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How can flames afford to be so bright?

Fire works

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames?

A blazer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pepesilvia189
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
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Wake up honey, wake up!!! The house is in flames

OK dear but please do not scream or you will wake up your mom too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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Wacka Flocka Flame should start a guacamole line called Wacka Guaca; The spicy variety could be Wacka Guaca Flame.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodPoopsToo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2015
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Flame wars and Trolls

I have come to the conclusion that the reason for trolls causing flame wars is a direct result of Dungeons and Dragons.

See, in dungeons and Dragons, the only way to kill a troll is with fire and acid. So when a troll enters a forum thread, the flame war that erupts is an attempt to kill the troll with fire.

I suppose an acid war could also erupt, but those who would use acid seem too stoned to care.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
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Like a moth to a flame...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvanZaiNa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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What do you call a jacket that bursts into flames?

A blazer

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
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