A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.

I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Houshweeni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
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As if 2020 wasn't crazy enough in Texas today, a herd of cows suddenly burst into flames.

Scientists still don't know what the cattle-lyst was.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TigerDiesel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2020
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A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,

There are no firearms allowed in this building.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2019
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Did you know that if you get really close to a lighter flame…

…it smells like burnt nose hair?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 186
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2019
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I saw a woman once that was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She started waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead...

She was waving an illegal fire arm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 577
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kaidendeck
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2019
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This tinder conversation didn't fail to incite a flame
πŸ‘οΈŽ 60
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2019
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Back in medieval times, they used to make computer mice out of the poop of giant flame breathing reptiles...

...surely you've heard of the "dragon drop" interface.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SpartanMonkey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2019
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What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?

I found the perfect match!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crunchybedsheets
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2019
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How can flames afford to be so bright?

Fire works

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2018
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What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames?

A blazer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pepesilvia189
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2017
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Wake up honey, wake up!!! The house is in flames

OK dear but please do not scream or you will wake up your mom too

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2018
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Wacka Flocka Flame should start a guacamole line called Wacka Guaca; The spicy variety could be Wacka Guaca Flame.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 94
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GodPoopsToo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2015
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Flame wars and Trolls

I have come to the conclusion that the reason for trolls causing flame wars is a direct result of Dungeons and Dragons.

See, in dungeons and Dragons, the only way to kill a troll is with fire and acid. So when a troll enters a forum thread, the flame war that erupts is an attempt to kill the troll with fire.

I suppose an acid war could also erupt, but those who would use acid seem too stoned to care.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2016
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Like a moth to a flame...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EvanZaiNa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2016
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What do you call a jacket that bursts into flames?

A blazer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CarpalTunnelVision
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2017
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