My girlfriend said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.
What happens when you burn pasta?
And I’m sure he felt the burn too!
Why can’t candles burn during the week?
Because they only burn on wick ends
What burns longer; a red candle or a blue candle?
Neither; they both burn shorter!
My sister becomes physically ill when I burn her toast.
It turns out she's black-toast-intilerant.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank coffee before it was cool.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue on a piece of pizza?
He ate it before it was cool
Came up with this joke for my surgeon at the burn center.
What do you call a guy with a thermal injury to his patella?
>!Bernie!<
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
A sausage says to the egg "You know, after they burn us up on that hot pan, they'll stab us with forks and cut us with their sharp knives...
The egg says to the sausage "wow, amazing - a talking sausage!"
How do you quickly burn 900 calories?
By forgetting the pizza in the oven
Why did Tiger Woods' house burn down?
Because he got rid of all his hose.
My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.
I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.
My son told me, “Dad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
Why do fairies burn when in contact with metal?
My mate had a combined Burns Night and Chinese New Year party he called Chinese Burns Night
I wasn't going to go, but he twisted my arm
Why did the hipster burn his lips on coffee?
He drank it before it was cool!
(My old Language Arts teacher said this.)
The police say they burn all the weed they confiscate.
That would explain the doughnuts.
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
I just found out how to burn 2000 calories
I left my brownies in the oven too long
Churn and burn
At least that’s what the witch Puritans used to say.
I just gave a sick burn to a load of hedges shaped into a pattern.
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
I hate people who keep telling me that I need to be saved or else I'm going to burn.
My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.
I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.
What would Mr. Burns say if he were a wizard?
[NSFWish] Did you hear about the new eyelid replacement surgery for burn victims?
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
What do you call someone who burns all their loan documents?
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate pizza before it was cool
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he ate the pizza before it was cool 😎
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He ate his breakfast before it was cool.
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello
I hate when people knock on my door and tell me I need to get "saved" or else I will "burn."
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How did the hipster burn their tongue?
Ate their meal before it was cool.
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