I was shopping for a friend's birthday gift. I looked in Sears, JCPenney, BestBuy and then I realized...

If you seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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Can't resist, the pan is searing hot.
πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ‘€︎ u/Invalleria
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Going Shopping

Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenflame15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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A friend of mine works at a butcher shop. Here are some of the signs he's made for the store. (x-post /r/meat)

Album here: http://imgur.com/a/yc3yJ

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/sup3rmark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Really dad?!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/missparanormalcy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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How does a T-rex like his steak?

Rawr to meteor rawr.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g4gnr4d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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Reposted Dadjoke IRL

At the checkout at Sear's, this kinda goofy older gentelman was ringing me up and he was walking me through all the prompts on how to slide my card, press OK, etc. He finally jokes to turn to the left then turn to the right.

I tell him, " You know, I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey... but I turned myself around." He erupted with a guffaw as if it was the funniest he had heard all day.

πŸ‘︎ 257
πŸ‘€︎ u/whittler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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My wife dadjoked me

I was lying in bed last night, completely exhausted, eyes closed. My wife got up to get something, and I cracked open my eyes to see what she was doing just as she was turning on the light, which utterly seared them. I let out a loud groan of pain.

Later that night, we were talking about it, and I said that it hurt just to think about. "Oh," she said. "Are you having a flashback?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Novawurmson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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It's a Lemon

I barback for a friend on Sunday mornings. Part of that job includes cutting my own lemons and limes for brunch service. Because we only order organic produce, it's fairly common to get nasty looking fruit.

I'd been mulling over this thought for weeks, waiting for the perfect moment to capitalize on the growing, searing flame inside of me when finally, after much preparation, I found one. A lemon that looked fine on the outside and was nasty on the inside. I turned to the bartender and simply said, "I think I found a Lemon."

He groaned. And walked away. But the dad's at the bar chuckled a little.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/souwant2bcliche
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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Dad gets a new truck

Hi there I just found this subreddit thought I might share this:

One night I was leaving to go to my mates house and dad had parked his new truck behind my car, so I thought might as well take that instead, he tells me "make sure you move the seat position, 1 is mine 2 is your mothers" I reply "yea cool, whatever dad, cya"

I get in the truck and push number 1, the seat moves itself closer to the searing wheel crushing me in between, I look up at the house and see my old man laughing his head off while he walks out of sight.

Thanks dad

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kodrad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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