I just spoke with Bill Withers and told him "Ain't No Sunshine" is poor grammar.

He said "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Did you know soul singer Bill Withers had a brother called β€˜Bear’?

He wrote telephone hold music.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norney
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Bill Withers, sadly no longer withus.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jenko_85
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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Boss: "what's that?", Me: (with much enthusiasm) "it's a SPACE BAR!!!!!" *wets myself laughing*, Boss: "...................." *delivers withering look* "are you allowed to stick things on your laptop?", Me: *dies inside at another badly landed pun*
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumusGoose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Neo met Reese Witherspoon in a hotel room

after some time he said goodbye to his friend, Reese Wither

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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How do you make a duck sing?

Put it in the oven till its Bill Withers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunkulture1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forest-of-ewood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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[Tribute to the singer/songwriter who passed away today] How do you turn a duck into a soul musician?

Put it in the microwave until its bill withers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aaaaaidan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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How do you console Thanos when he's upset?

Bruh, Just Snap out if it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/syheadafsar
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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How do you get a duck to sing R&B?

Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_bradley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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My brother's dad joke he did to me

Brother: Did you hear about the celebrity that stabbed someone?

Me: No, who was it?

Brother: Reese..Wi, Wither something.

Me: Witherspoon?

Brother: No, with her knife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarehMeyod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
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People keep telling me that Bill Withers has died

I tell them, 'I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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My girflriend was devastated when she heard Bill Withers died.

I put my arms around her and said: I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until its Bill Withers.

(A tribute to Bill - RIP)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkskiez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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How do you make a duck sing soul?

Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ter9193
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer ?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Cook it till it's Bill Withers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotANinja252
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redrockit06
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

You pop it in the oven until it’s Bill Withers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzhustler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/northsouth261
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

...Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
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How do you turn a duck into an 80's singer?

You put it in the microwave until it's bill withers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshthatguy99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does a duck sing when you put it in the oven?

Because its Bill Withers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catfishdeity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
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How can you tell if a duck has soul?

Put it a microwave and see if it's Bill Withers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/colonelmuddypaws
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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How do you turn a duck into a 70's soul singer?

Stick him in the microwave 'til its Bill Withers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boobamajugs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers.

( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SurpriseBukkake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
🚨︎ report

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