So a guy walks up and says, "wow, that's some high top fade you've got!"

And I say, "yeah I got in way over my head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olepowerbill
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2016
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Global warming is causing the colors at rodeos to fade and get lighter

They are calling it Corral Bleaching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teslarobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2016
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Local barber in the area got arrested for selling drugs.

Blew my mind. I’ve been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 986
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I bought a pencil that was claimed to be owned by William Shakespeare, but the lettering’s all faded.

I’m not sure whether it’s 2B or not 2B.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthew2112
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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My dad once tried making coffee. When he tasted it he said "ahh, like making love in a canoe."

I asked if it was that good, his smile faded and he looked me dead in the eye as he said no, its fucking close to water. He poured it down the drain without losing focus and walked out of the kitchen

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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β€œDad, how do stars die?”

β€œUsually an overdose.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obie_Prod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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Have you met the handsome audio engineer?

He's actually a pretty sound guy.

Too bad he got fired, though. Turns out he couldn't handle feedback.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mvanvoorden
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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Ever try Trailing Off Mix?

It's great! ^It's ^just ^like ^^trail ^^mix, ^^^except ^^^when ^^^^you ^^^^eat ^^^^^it ^^^^^your ^^^^^^voice ^^^^^^fades ^^^^^^^out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpoonResistance
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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[Pun Request] Puns about Mae/Des

Hey guys, this might sound too cheesy and I'm not sure if I'm posting on the right subreddit.

Every Saturday I give my SO a printed typography paper that I personally design with a pun of her name on it (her name is Des, I call her Mae so either is good).

Here's a sample of what I do.

Problem is, I can make the designs, but I'm running out of puns. Here's a list of what I've already done:

Des puns:

  • Hardest

  • Wordes (Words)

  • Widest

  • Uncondesionally (Unconditionally)

  • DrivES

  • Dessert

  • Fades

  • Des (This)

  • Holidess (Happy Holidays!)

  • Desperate

  • Desision (Decision)

  • Decades

  • Desert

  • Destination

  • Dress (DrESs)

  • Despresso (Espresso)

Mae puns:

  • Maend (I hope you don't maend(mind)
  • Maecadamia (Macadamia)
  • Maengo (Mango)
  • Maecaroni (Macaroni)
  • Maeple (Maple)
  • Lifetimae (Lifetime)
  • Imaegine (Imagine)
  • Chamaeleon (Chameleon)
  • Caramael (Caramel)
  • Achievemaent (Achievement)
  • Gmaes (Games)
  • Maek (Make)
  • Drmae (Drea
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roastedtuna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2016
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[Long] a brush with death

Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan-44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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What did the bumper say to the sticker?

Wanna get faded?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manartguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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How does one math student say goodbye to another math student?

Calc-u-later!

See... you know it's a dad joke when the shit-eating grin spreads across your face when you come up with the joke and doesn't fade after all your children roll their eyes at you... after you tell it for the fourth time... in a row.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomActsFL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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Oh, dad.....

Dad(Sitting on the computer behind me): Thewierdside come here a second.

ignore because of GTAV

Dad: Thewierdside!

Me: I'm coming!

Dad: Hi coming, i'm ejaculating.

do you know what an awkward laugh sounds like? because i do. It's when you laugh hysterically for 2 seconds then abruptly fade when you realise what your dad just said....

EDIT:

Oh yea, and why'd he call me on to the computer? he wanted a place to watch movies, so after that debacle, i suggested going to /r/fullmoviesonyoutube

Me: www.reddit.com slash r slash Full, Movies, on, youtube. no space

He, of course, wrote:

www.reddit.com/r/fullmoviesonyoutubenospace

said it wasnt working then laughed when he told me he typed in exactly what i said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWierdSide
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2014
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From my old barber

"Old barbers never die...we just fade away"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcastillo602
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
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Dad joked my 17 yr old who stayed at a friends house last night an we had a terrible rain storm

When he returned home this morning I looked at the car and yelled "did you leave the car out in the rain last night?"

His look of terror faded into disbelief that he fell for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juniorman00
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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While having a conversation with friends.

S: "You generally don't want to do that"

Me: "What does Robert E. Lee have to do with this?"

Scene cuts to friends with looks of a mix between amazement and pain. Scene fades to black as friends let out "OHHHHHHH!"'s, "Nice...", "Clever..." and face palms.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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Meta Etymology

Might it be possible that the origin of "your jokes are lame" comes from "I cannot stand your jokes"?

Great dadjokes never die, they just fade into common usage...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chewgl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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Cashier at the convenience store asks, "Did you need a sack?"

Dad replies, "Oh, no - we each have our own."

Cashier looks at my dad like a perv while his grin slowly fades back to :[

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabelam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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