The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick

She still isn't talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 719
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joachim_s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently you can’t use β€˜beefstew’ as a pass word

It’s not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.

Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My teammates hate that I don’t pass when I play hockey.

I honestly don’t give a puck.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Civilian76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Days when I don't eat anything pass so quickly.

I guess they are fast days.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaelTadh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey bro, can you pass me the pamphlet?"

"Brochure"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
couldn't pass on such a pun thread
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If Senate is a place where every bill needs to be pass through

It should be called Bill Gates.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doom_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.

I guess that makes me bifartisan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How does someone learn to pass gas?

Through extensive and persistent tootelage.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbstryker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It’ll pass you like gas!
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lexithaa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: Do me a favour and pass up the hammerfor

Kid: What's a hammerfor?

Dad: Hammering, you fool.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanumanjizzfest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
You shall not pass
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My local safari park is trying to pass off common Caribou as African Wildebeest...

Fake Gnus!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What should you do if you're walking downtown and you happen to pass a Fireman?

I'd put it out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Which pharaoh are you when you can’t pass gas?

Toot-uncommon.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cambrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my crush to pass me a chair

Cuz I was falling hard for him.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/animey04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you pass a bill in the stables?

Too many neighs

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MakeMeADonut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn’t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I’ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she’s in labor with our fourth and I’ve finally got her laughing...

I think I’ve really improved the delivery!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Po1sonator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
*Me every time we pass a cow pasture* β€œDid you know those are award winning cows?”

They’re out standing in their field

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Casey_H3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Too good of an occasion to pass
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinus-pl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
During this quarantine, many people have gotten new hobbies to pass the hours.

These are trying times.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Calcium
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the cholo only pass his English class?

Because he was all about his essays

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anal_bleach_burn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what will happen if we pass universal healthcare?

All bums will be able to get colonoscopies.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
This takes "Puff Puff Pass" to a whole new level! And that's my effort a t a weak pun...
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.

Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
why couldn't the superhero pass a written test?

...he was always writing wrongs!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn't pass any proper training

He was just winging it

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you go to the toilet and pass crystal clear urine?

1080 pee.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aldo712
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Pass the Joint [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 309
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pununciation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the middleman say when the buyer asked him to pass the money onto the seller?

I conduit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C_Giraffe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you’re behind lettuce in a race and then pass lettuce?

You’re aHEAD of lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J4CK5PR4T_30
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Vincent's property buying Uncle Donot Pass Gogh.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GatmanBegins
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue.

She is still not speaking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?

Brochure.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EEZAK04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick...

She still isn't talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
"Bro can you pass me that pamphlet?"

"Brochure"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FragShire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?

Brochure.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stubbly_bubbly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Bro, can you pass the pamphlet?

Brochure

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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