An army captain's daughter wants to get her belly button pierced,she asks him for permission,

and he replies, 'This is an army household! There will be no navel destroyers allowed!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeirdWyr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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My eggs went to the playground without my permission today.

But omelette it slide

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leon_Waffles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Cross-posted with permission from U/WoodchuckRailroad
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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All ways ask for permission
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shjahaha
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Went to ask my girlfriends father for permission to marry

He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!"

I said: "Hi leaving I'm John!"

The wedding is next month

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πŸ‘€︎ u/selector96
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission.

That makes me sick.....

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snooprs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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My kid got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spadeβ€”all without my permission.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 196
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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I hate that microorganisms just enter my body without permission

It makes me sick

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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I went to the doctor and he cloned me without my permission.

I was beside myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/million_monkeys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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My friend Lara always borrows my hair brush without my permission.

She's a comb raider.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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If you move someone's dildo without their permission, then that's a dick move.
πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DisRuptive1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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I cannot believe that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. It makes me sick
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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My teenage son got a tattoo of a deck of cards without our permission.

I might have to deal with him later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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Fired an employee for going on vacation to Hawaii without permission

We don't take kindly to beach of contract

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NLdave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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I hate the way viruses just enter my body without permission

It makes me sick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrokeBorkLensar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Why do melons always ask for their parents' permission to get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pku31
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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My son brought me a permission slip to join the safety committee at school.

I signed it, but I still can't figure out why the tea isn't safe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sric2838
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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I emailed my professor asking for a permission number for his class. He must be a dad

Professor:"MannuhT, here is your hairdo number: 212525. yay!"

MannuhT:"Haha, Thanks!"

Professor:"you understood, right? perm number."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MannuhT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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My Father asked permission to discipline us kids...

My Mom authorized him to use Dadly Force.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Necrotel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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