What did the green light say to the red light?

Don't look I'm changing.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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Damn we just missed the green light, this is gonna be heavy!

Because it will be a Full Wait

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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What do you get when you paint stone light green?

Limestone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatGuyHanzo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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As things go, green traffic lights are useful.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?

Light Blue

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keegan-Gin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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What’s blue and not heavy

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SximplyAJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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What’s green and doesn’t weigh much?

Light green

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Two snails pulled up next to me at a red light.

When the light turned green they sped away.

I looked to my friend and said, β€œlook at that S car go!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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What is the name of the skinny brother of green?

Light green

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mukundmadhav
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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There is a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way ipfs.pics/QmZbKhZGWtorqCM…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yousosweg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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A HANDsome thief

So I heard about a handsome thief who got caught recently. Yeah, they say he was pretty light-fingered, but he got caught redhanded trying to palm some seeds. Guess he had a bit of a green thumb. Anyway, he was a-wristed by the long arm of the law, with not a shoulder to cry on. I was shocked; his appearance was so disarming.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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Simon Says for adults

Simon Says flashing orange left turn only light, green arrow left two lane lights and red light.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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All that starts well ends well?

Girlfriend's grandmum fractured her hip Saturday and got out of hip replacement surgery earlier today and has been given the green light that all is good!

I really want to tell her family "Hip hip hooray" but I think it will end up with me having one less person in my life.

We will see how that goes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatashiwaSohaides
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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Color Pun Riddles

Q: What do you do if a piece of purple fruit gets stuck in the drain and clogs it?

A: Call the plumber.


Q: What do you do if you live in a purple house and the lights go out?

A: Go to the fuchsia box.


Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?

A: Make them do limeout.


Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?

A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.


(I've posted these on various places on the web outside of Reddit over the years under various screen names.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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The city council wanted to install a new traffic light at the busy intersection

They just needed the mayor to green light the project

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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Seeking "Dads' Night Out"-themed party help

For the past three years I've held scavenger hunts to celebrate my birthday. This year I've decided on the theme, "Dads' Night Out." Examples of items on last year's (non-dad-themed) list: "Play red light/green light with at least three strangers," "Switch pants with a stranger," and "Haiku written by a bartender." All items require physical, photographic or video evidence. What are your ideas for dad-themed items or jokes I can fit in here and there? Any other ideas on how I can make this year the best year yet would be appreciated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fwish11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
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I got my fiancee the other day when we were driving by the peace bridge.

The bridge was lit with green and red lights for Christmas. She said "they should've made it blue and white for Hanukkah", so I responded "well Hanukkah always gets passed over".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hersheysquirts101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
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I used to work at Subway...

Customer: "Can I have lettuce, 3 tomatoes, and light green peppers" Me: "Sorry, we only have dark green peppers, are those okay?"

Nobody ever picked up on it...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitet3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
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Dad dropped this one earlier today

Today we were having work done on the well, so they cut off the water to the house. My dad was telling everyone to use the toilet since we wouldn't be able to again for a while. He asked one last time before giving the plumbers the green light: "Speak now or forever hold your pee"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdoorMe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
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Traffic Dadjoke

Girlfriend: "Hey, I got the arrow." Referring to the green light. Me: "You know who also has an Arrow? The CW." Girlfriend: "Get out. No, I will not high-five you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrslamdog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jriizzyy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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What did the red light say to the green light?

β€œDon’t look at me! I’m changing!”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmaffeo3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look!! I'm changing!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord1401
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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What did the red light say to the green light?

Don't look, I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/summerfest2009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
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What is green and not heavy?

Light green

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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What’s green and not very heavy?

Light green

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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What is green and not very heavy?

Light Green

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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What’s green and not very heavy?

Light green.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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What’s green and not very heavy?

Light green.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheskkkk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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