I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
π︎ 230
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
My wife wonβt let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.
She is infringing on my right to bear arms.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
Let me tell you a joke about a vacuum
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Never gonna let you down
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
People always say "let that sink in"
But there is never a sink at the door
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadnβt cleaned the house all year
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
let Minnow too.
π︎ 99
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
We CANNOT let this year end.
Cos then we will be admitting 2021.
But then again, we can't just skip 2021. Cos the next year is 2022.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
What has two thumbs and won't let them go?
My kid
Seriously, give me back my thumbs
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
If YOUβRE cold, THEYβRE cold. Let that sink in
π︎ 64
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Let that sink in
π︎ 181
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Let me tell you what I know about dwarves
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Let me give you a bit of advice....
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
As a dad, I won't let my kids watch any shows on t.v. with orchestra in it....
Too much sax and violins.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know heβs being evicted
He opens the door and tells him βNamasteβ.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
She won't let the other guys score
π︎ 67
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, letβs be honest.
Youβre just getting a head of yourself.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
How do you let your Native American friend know he's welcome anytime?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I play Chess regularly with my friend, but last time he suddenly said " let's make this interesting "...
..so we stopped and went home.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
Ok m sorry to let everyone at r/dadjokes down.
I havenβt been able to tell a single dad joke all year
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
During breakfast, my dad said, βLet me sum up 2020 in one word.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
Let the puns flow through you
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Lets go back to the future!
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
Letβs order takeaway because mom cannot finish making dinner by 7pm tonight.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Don't let your guard down.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
Let me try uncle gravity next
π︎ 91
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
guess what my dad wonβt let me put on my car?
dammit, Iβm not even allowed to mark this post as a spoiler
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
My wife got mad after I tried to convince her that she'd agreed to let me buy a neon sign.
I guess she doesn't like gas lighting.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
What do you call a superpower that lets you locate french pastries with your mind?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Let's go kill time!
Daughter: Dad im gonna call 911.
Me: why?
Daughter: Youre going to Kill time.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
π︎ 136
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
I got arrested for dumping ice under the overpass last night. I thought they would have let me go this morning.
Surely it's just water under the bridge by now?
π︎ 107
π
︎ Sep 20 2020
Canadian officials warn drivers not to let moose lick their cars...
or they could be charged with a salt.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
I asked Rick Astley to let me borrow his copy of the movie UP.
He said he'd never give it to me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Let's get this game kracken and dive right in this game :D
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
I found some insects living in my apartment, but they offered me cash if I let them stay.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
I wouldn't let my newborn work on my Ferrari's engine
He doesn't have fine motor skills
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
I found what looked like a kitten frozen in my iced-over pool. I dug it out and let it defrost, it turned out to be a big squirrel.
I thought I thaw a pussycat.
π︎ 100
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
I let my cat outside today but when I started listening to Daft Punk she rushed back inside
I guess she is more of a house cat
π︎ 23
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
My dog has been chewing on sticks when let her outside.
Now she barks out of both ends.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
We can't let this year end!
Because that will mean 2021
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
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