Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body....
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, except from one
Heβs never gonna give you Up
π︎ 81
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
Let me just slide in
π︎ 103
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Why does Shaggy always let Scooby roll their joints?
Shaggy's joints don't always turn out good, but Scooby's foodies do.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
Let's see what y'all do to continue this
π︎ 66
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Why didn't they let the fungi into the party?
π︎ 412
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
I admit itβs a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
π︎ 63
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
Now let that sink inβ¦
π︎ 67
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
Let's not talk about operation barbarossa. That topic is very offensive
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
Being a parent is hard - my son won't ever let me have a good night's sleep; so when my wife came home the other day and asked why I was so red...
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
Letβs sit down and....
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Back in my day, high school sports athletic conferences wouldnβt let you participate if you didnβt keep at least a 2.0 grade point average. It seems times have drastically changed...
I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Rick Astley has a massive movie collection and will let you borrow all but one
Heβs never going to give you up His movie collection
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
π︎ 230
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
My wife wonβt let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.
She is infringing on my right to bear arms.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
If I don't let my son play Call of Duty he screams for hours.
So I let him play and he screams for hours.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
This gun club wouldn't let me in until I could ejaculate bullets.
I was skeptical at first, but eventually I came a round
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
My dad wanted to see me as nothing but a let down, but with all of my accomplishments
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
Let me tell you a little about myself.
It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Letβs hear it for the shovel...
Truly a groundbreaking innovation
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
When there is a strong gust, I often let it take the wheel and steer...
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
Never gonna let you down
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
I play Chess regularly with my friend, but last time he suddenly said " let's make this interesting "...
..so we stopped and went home.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
let Minnow too.
π︎ 99
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
But dad, Tommy's father lets him eat his fries with his fingers!
He's wrong, son. The fingers should be eaten separately.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
Let that sink in
π︎ 181
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Lets go back to the future!
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
Let me tell you a joke about a vacuum
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
My friends won't let me play football with them after I suffered a charley-horse
They said I cramp their style
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
Let me tell you kids how I built this house from the ground up..
Kids: Not again Grandpa, we've heard that story a million times! Don't you have any others to tell us?!
Grandpa:
This is a one-story house.
Credit:
https://inkyrickshaw.com/comic/not-very-tall-tale/
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadnβt cleaned the house all year
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Letβs Trash Talk
my pick up is Thursday. how about you?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
People always say "let that sink in"
But there is never a sink at the door
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
If YOUβRE cold, THEYβRE cold. Let that sink in
π︎ 60
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
We CANNOT let this year end.
Cos then we will be admitting 2021.
But then again, we can't just skip 2021. Cos the next year is 2022.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you call a terminator that doesn't let you finish your sentence?
- Wha..
- An interrupter.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
What has two thumbs and won't let them go?
My kid
Seriously, give me back my thumbs
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
She won't let the other guys score
π︎ 69
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Let me give you a bit of advice....
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
As a dad, I won't let my kids watch any shows on t.v. with orchestra in it....
Too much sax and violins.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Let me tell you what I know about dwarves
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
Let me try uncle gravity next
π︎ 88
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body
I gave her a shoulder to crayon
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
Whenever my girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body
I gave her a shoulder to crayon...
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
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