I tolerate all puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kevin_From711
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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I don't tolerate people with less than normal toes.

I'm lactose intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mukundan_chariar
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Tolerate.
πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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I can tolerate the math class, or even the history class

...but the art class is where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fixdoll_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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How do people in Star Trek tolerate high speeds?

They Klingon to something

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πŸ‘€︎ u/W-eye
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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My husband has gradually grown to tolerate and even appreciate puns. Today he made me proud.

He made a pun in the shower, we giggled, and I noted how he's gone from hating puns to making his own. I called him my "young Padawan" and he responded, "You mean, Pun-awan?" It was seemless. I lost my shit. Just wanted to share with you guys :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowsphinx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2016
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A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Tolerant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SharpTechno
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Lactose intolerant people are scum

Like it's 2020, start being tolerant already

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilhomers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Mom is always there for you
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GianPezz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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He's only a little shorter!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Hebrew-Hamma
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.

She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Why can’t the club footed nazi drink milk?

Because he lacks toes and tolerance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jferini
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.

I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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What happens when you finally come to terms with losing all your toes?

You become lack toes and tolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holeeschite
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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New TV Show Puns

I put up Punderdome cards on my door every day. Today's cards were too much fun not to share. What else can you come up with?

https://preview.redd.it/fru7gc2epjo21.jpg?width=2160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=370a3ac0776b86863ed4ec133f9b667ec190566f

Project Run-a-way

America's Next Top Money Launderer

Keeping Up with the Car-Jackings

Naked & Public Exposure

My Solitary Confinement Life

The Real House-arrest Wives

The Great British Breaking & Entering

So You Think You Can Drink & Drive?

America's Got Theft

Pawn(ing Stolen Goods) Stars

Jersey Shore You Should Steal That Car

Who Wants to be an Arrested Felon?

Say Yes to the Drugs

Arson Daily

What else do can you think of?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leash15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Am I the asshole in this situation?

So a bit of background here, I am fully dependent on my carer. Where he goes, I go. What he eats, I have to eat too. And because of that, if he wants to eat the wrong thing, I suffer.

I have no control over what he feeds us and I can't always tolerate the foods he likes. If he eats food that is too spicy, I yell at him. Like a lot. I've even made him cry a few times. But the thing is, I can't control myself. Every time I talk, it is shit for everyone in my vicinity, especially him. That's why I need him as a carer. I really tried to not give him shit for a couple weeks by not talking at all but he thought it was so bad that I did that he took me to the doctor to force me to keep giving out instead of bottling it all up.

I don't know what to do. I'm literally the end point of his digestive system. Am I the asshole?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Is /r/dadjokes dying?

Nobody's posted anything all year!

Happy New Year /r/dadjokes. May you tolerate hundreds of iterations of this kind of joke in the coming days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joswie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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Why did Diet Coke join the KKK?

Zero tolerance

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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It was really easy to get kicked out of the Japanese air force

They had a zero Tolerance policy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BIgbluetootoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Dentist giving anaesthesia and me saying no...

Dentist: I hope you have high tolerance level for pain

Me: I've been in love before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rianbhatt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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What do you call someone who gets gassy from fast food?

Lactose McTolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/We_are_stardust23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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People say having a missing toe makes you more easily agitated with people, but honestly I’m more chill.

Guess I Lack toes and Tolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeoNite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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If a bigot gets his foot cut off can he still drink milk?

Because he’s lacking toes and tolerance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thjor_Belton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Wife dad joked me so hard but didn't notice

We have to buy so much milk in our household because I'm such a serial dad joker. Amongst all my friends and family, even at my wedding, it was noted about my bad jokes. My wife of one week tolerates my humour, but doesn't ever attempt to play along with dad jokes or make any of her own. Point is - I'm not used to hearing her say one.

Today, sitting at a bar on our honeymoon I commented about how "these selfie sticks are becoming ridiculous. Everyone seems to have one now. It's stupid"... Only for her to reply with..."I know it's seriously getting out of hand".

I lost my shit and freaked out. She got scared cause she thought something bad happened...I'm like "did you seriously not just hear yourself. I'm not even mad that was amazing".

She just rolled her eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightingrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
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A string is walking home one Friday evening after a long week at work

And so the string decides that he shall stop at his favorite Pub and treat himself to a pint before going home to the wife. But after a decent walk he arrives at the pub to find a new sign on the door that reads " No Strings Allowed".

The string becomes infuriated. "How dare they" he thinks to himself. After having been a loyal patron for 10 years he decides this injustice is not to be tolerated and comes up with a plan.

He takes a moment and steps into the back alley way to be discreet. While he is there he ties himself into a knot and frays the top. Content with his disguise he marches back around to the front, enters the bar and has a seat when requests a pint of beer.

The bartender being a little suspicious looks at him a little uneasily but just can't seem to peg what the problem is. He serves him the beer regardless while keeping a close eye on the suspicious character. A little while later the string decides that the week at work has been so long that he is deserving of two pints of beer before going home to retire for the weekend.

It is just at that point when the bartender is serving him his second pint that he pauses and looks at the string and says "Hold on one minute! Aren't you a string?"

To which the string replied, "Sorry, I'm a frayed knot".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CannaBrained
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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What can you say about a racist cow, with no toes?

Well, I would say he lacks toes and tolerance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tannerlaw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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I got fired for giving a back rub to a psychic.

They don't tolerate massage-a-mystic behavior.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Omny87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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My son, who can't take dairy products, threw a tantrum this morning because we forgot to get bread.

He lacked toast and tolerance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/17scenes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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A length of rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve rope here." The length of rope leaves, and comes back later with a disguise. The bartender says "I just told you, we don't serve rope here." The rope decides that he'll get stronger and force his way into the bar. So, he starts stretching and exercising, twisting himself around, and rubs his back against the brick wall to build pain tolerance. When he returns to the bar, the bartender looks at him. "Weren't you the length of rope I kicked out earlier?"

"No," the rope responds. "I'm a frayed knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FirstBoulevard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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there is a serious lack of possible bear puns, can any of you think of more?

The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.

  1. bear double meaning with tolerate

  2. pandanother thing

  3. grizzly double meaning with horrific

4)kodiak double meaning with camera

5)koalalifications

6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2012
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There are two types of people in the world
  1. those who can tolerate the lack of a punchline
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theflintseeker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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What do you call a diabetic who's open to other cultures?

Lacks toes n' tolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprelish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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Be nice to your Chinese food

I won't tolerate wonton violence at the dinner table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3Element05
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2016
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What do you call a person who hates milk and has no toes?

Lack-toes-and-tolerance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonoranges2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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I have a diabetic racist uncle who doesn't get on with milk.

He lacks toes and tolerance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cixibill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
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Dadholes 4 is Coming in 4 Days

Dads, Dadholes and mother tolerating fathers rejoice! Dadholes 4 drops in 4 days! The plan is for Dadholes 4 to come out April Fools Day, Dadholes 5 on Mothers Day and Dadholes 6 on Fathers Day. Dying is easy. Being a dad is hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisWylde
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
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Children are like farts

You can only tolerate your own

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nfirejoseph
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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