My vet picked up my dog, looked at him and confirmed that he was cross-eyed and that he had to be put down.
Confused and upset, I asked why.
The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.
I don't plan to put up solar panels...
But, if you do, more power to you.
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
I told my chair to put its arms up.
I found some cushion its pocket.
I dont put up with people who are missing appendages
I'm lack-toes intolerant.
My wife broke up with me at the star wars celebration. An anakin cosplayer came up to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and said...
What did Jesus say to Peter when he was put up on the Cross?
Yo, I can see your house from up here
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...
...that's where I finally had to draw the line.
I just got back from a long day of duck hunting, so I decided to put my feet up and have my favorite snack.
I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.
It was a toot and car moon.
I put up a random movie, turns out it was about the invention of the tampon
I didn’t expect it to be a period piece
I was setting up posts to put caution tape around...
And this old man asked if I was protesting. I explained that we were setting up wooden posts to keep people from parking too close to the building.
He said “looks to me like you’re making a stand....get it?”
Eye roll
Is it okay to put up a picture of a crucifix?
Or is cross posting not allowed?
I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...
Added Never Gonna Give You Up to my Spotify playlist and put it on shuffle. I call it, "Rick Roulette"
A nuclear power plant put up a new sign outside that read, "Post your positive reviews of us on social media!"
They were just fission for compliments.
The last of my preprepred boards. Might have to put it up outside my house now!
I hired a contractor to put up a fence, but he never returned my calls.
I figured he was stone-walling me.
Every night I put my cellphone in charging and I wake up finding it in another room.
"German talent show contestants puts string of sausages up her bum" .. this performance was the wurst
My neighbour put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow in his field, and it is terrifying my kids.
They must be claw straw phobic.
The builder called me yesterday asking when I will pay for the new roof he put up.
I said, “I thought it was on the house.”
It's tradition in my family to always put up the Chris-mas decorations the day after Thanksgiving
Son: That's a big Christmas tree, Dad. Are you going to put it up yourself?
Dad: No, son. I'm going to put it in the living room.
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:
My wife just picked up her lighter and put it in her pocket...
...then looked at me and said "I'm packing heat"
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
So my daughter wanted to put her hair up and asked me where the hair bands were...
I'll do algebra, I'll put up with calculus,
But graphing is where I draw the line.
I put my phone under my pillow last night and went to sleep. When I woke up it was gone and a pound coin was in its place
Damn that Bluetooth Fairy
Can someone tell me if it's true that fishermen put maggots in their mouths in order to warm them up?
Awaiting a reply with baited breath...
My wife told me she loves her new white board we put up...
I said "I do think it's rather re-markable."
My mortician friend had to put gates up all around his mortuary...
People were dying to get in.
Dad brings home a nice framed photo. Me: Hey dad, are you going to put it up yourself?
Dad: No, I'm going to put it up on that wall
Takes a lot of balls to put up this kind of display
https://i.imgur.com/XSiYicg.jpg
Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
I don't plan to put up solar panels.
But if you do, more power to you.
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
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