How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it's on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/svncactus117
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....

So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.

It was my climb-it change.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...

The tips were huge

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoreTITS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I need to pay for my horse's accommodation.

It's a stay bill.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow

It was our last warming.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What happened when Santa didn't pay to park his sleigh?

It got mistletowed.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danyodaddyo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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How do you pay someone that is giving you a circumcision?

Tell em’ to keep the tip.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What do you call a noodle you pay for sex?

A pastatute

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob0212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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What happened when the girl didn’t pay her exorcist

Her soul got repossessed

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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For my next car, I’m going to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs.

It will be my Civic duty.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I was working behind the bar today when two guys came in and tried to pay with a couple of counterfeit Β£10 notes. When I told the manager, he asked what they looked like..

β€œLike Β£10 notes” I told him

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I keep asking my flatmate to pay his rent

And he keeps turning sideways to avoid me

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuqers
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?

Burnadebt

(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.

She took plea A.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Did you know that in some countries, mathematicians are forced to pay fines for being unlawful to Jesus?

Yeah, it’s called a Sin-tax.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hwhouston517
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pay as you go toilet in space?

The price was gastronomical!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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The Czech republic is introducing a train ticketing system so you can pay with bitcoin...

...it uses blocktrain Czechnology.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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The police officer made me pay up for my crime.

Meh, that's fine

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timfreemints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I have just found the Catholic version of pay per view.

The pay per see.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnykelly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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My son asked we to pay for his rifle test today. It was $30.

That was a cheap shot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/signequanon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.

They’re free range archers now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blg111222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...

What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cumdaddy01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Pay attention in class kids
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raghav50w
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Got a pay rise of $1000 today, effective immediately.

What a grand start to the weekend.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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A rich man who got sent to jail decided to pay to upgrade his prison cell.

He is now behind gold bars.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyckt206
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!

Inflation blows.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.

It’s my dream job.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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What did the pirate pay for his earrings?

Bucc-an-eer!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What does a pirate pay for his corn?

A buccaneer.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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A friend of mine didn't pay for his daughter's exorcism

So she was repossessed

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshually
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
During Coronavirus, always pay businesses with cash where possible.

It will help them make a gross profit.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshzyx612
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the programmers do when they pay respect?

They printf

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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My mate works in Dublin hospital’s fracture clinic. The pay's crap....

....but she enjoys the craic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tuna_Stubbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...

He re-Poe-ed them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If you pay for your kitchen remodel with fake bills...

You’re counterfeiting the counter fitter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eliza_Swain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 292
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatal_fame
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill

So I sent him a "get well soon" card

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartansshadow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

I sent him a β€œget well soon” card.

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I have decided to buy a new Honda directly from Japan and pay all the tariffs.

It will be my Civic duty.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

I sent him a β€œGet well soon” card

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.

I sent him a β€œGet well soon” card

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing.

It’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quibblicous
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
For my next car, I’m thinking of buying a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the tariffs.

It’ll be my Civic duty.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does a pirate pay for 🌽

A buccaneer

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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