I've infiltrated their ranks, together we can pun-dermine their authority.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trevski143
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't stand this dude!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?

Stationary.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Seven_Arcadian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a pen that can write underwater

... it can write other words as well.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

πŸ‘︎ 995
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Took me a minute I can’t lie
πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.

Because it’s capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 840
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to add a pun here but can't think of any right now
πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firelord2620
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"

"But he didn't listen!"

πŸ‘︎ 227
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.

I can also tell when they're standing.

πŸ‘︎ 629
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Can y'all guessπŸ˜πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__braindead_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.

Luckily, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 454
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinecrusader
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

πŸ‘︎ 21k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/varthalon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

You just have to listen varicosely

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EggNogAgenda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't athiests use exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kymoo6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?

Asking for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 628
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWhy can’t 2021 take a picture in the dark

because it doesn’t have flash

πŸ‘︎ 202
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZETA_RETICULI_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
I can do calf raises just by mooving it.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifeboat777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?

Because they always get lost at C.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_soul1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If alcohol can damage your short term memory

Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.

Only one was like "Yemen"

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?

Through science.

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How can there be a national coin shortage?

Makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 576
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_live_in_a_truck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't blind people eat fish?

It's Seafood

πŸ‘︎ 575
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoboMaster2K
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can assist with any luggage.

The photon replies, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”

πŸ‘︎ 205
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elusivblak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Dogs can't operate MRI machines,

But cats-can.

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenonthewizlard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?

They got no soul.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PNWKiwi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Gf asked for help, and I did the best I can
πŸ‘︎ 233
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoDuckFound
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't tell you all Japanese history in one joke...

But I can Samurais

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I guess you can see he has a lot of horsepower
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

I think it may be terminal

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I told my therapist I can’t get the Grease soundtrack out of my head...

He said β€œtell me more”.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"

He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Her: Honey can you pick up some milk

Him:* lifts gallon * done

Her: no from the store

Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Dude 1: β€œHey bro?” Dude 2: β€œYeah bro?” Dude 1: β€œCan you hand me that pamphlet?”

Dude 2: β€œBrochure”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reditrewrite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was told I can't use eBay anymore.

I don't know why exactly, they just said it was for biddin'

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noobulyzer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Why can't people without legs drink milk

They lactose

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedForkKnife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...

The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbylake71
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A labracadabrador!

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ifruitninja
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't stand people without toes!

I guess that makes me lacktoes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtisansCritic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe it’s not...
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who can't hear?

You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HussainKegel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.

which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 371
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Can use a towel
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doom_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you trust atoms

Because they make up everything...

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiveStrong4Ever-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can tell when they're standing too.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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