I've infiltrated their ranks, together we can pun-dermine their authority.
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
I bought a pen that can write underwater
... it can write other words as well.
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.
Took me a minute I can’t lie
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
I was going to add a pun here but can't think of any right now
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell when they're standing.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily, it was a soft drink.
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
Why can't athiests use exponents?
Because they don't believe in a higher power.
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
Why can’t 2021 take a picture in the dark
because it doesn’t have flash
I can do calf raises just by mooving it.
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?
Because they always get lost at C.
If alcohol can damage your short term memory
Imagine the damage alcohol can do.
I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.
Only one was like "Yemen"
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
How can there be a national coin shortage?
Why can't blind people eat fish?
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can assist with any luggage.
The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Dogs can't operate MRI machines,
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
Gf asked for help, and I did the best I can
I can't tell you all Japanese history in one joke...
I guess you can see he has a lot of horsepower
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
I think it may be terminal
I told my therapist I can’t get the Grease soundtrack out of my head...
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
Her: Honey can you pick up some milk
Him:* lifts gallon * done
Her: no from the store
Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
I was told I can't use eBay anymore.
I don't know why exactly, they just said it was for biddin'
Why can't people without legs drink milk
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
I can't stand people without toes!
I guess that makes me lacktoes intolerant.
I can’t believe it’s not...
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
Why can’t you trust atoms
Because they make up everything...
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.