Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Who's John Candy's favorite music artist?

Eminem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wariosfatass03
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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I served Elton John a boiled egg the other day. I asked him how it was, and he said....

"It's a little bit runny".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Me: Were you able to get ahold of that lady selling the John Deere? My husband:

Yeah, I tractor down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierraann0402
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Sometimes John Wick likes to kill quietly.

He piano reaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neopera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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What did John Mcenroe say when he was disqualified from the chese eating contest

You cannot brie serious

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barrybilly2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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John fix
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Did you hear about the new song by Olivia Newton John about clocks?

Let's get digital, digital.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingasnappaz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Why is John Cena always invisible?

"Because he's JOHN SEE NAH (No see)"

  • my boomer dad who I thought he's asking a genuine question
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kawaii-lau
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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John was the best liver surgeon in his hospital.

I guess you could say he always delivered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SodArgon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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John Lemon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/femmika
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Best Friend: β€œWhy aren’t you dating anyone?” Me: β€œCall Me John”

β€œCause I ain’t Cena girl worth my time yet”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What did John say to Marry?

You've been the best part of my life and I cant imagine my life with you. Will you marry me?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okmango69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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I call my toilet the jim instead of the john

That way I can tell people I go to the jim every morning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What hospital ward is john cena afraid of?

ICU

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McCarty_Bedell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctors told John Travolta to quarantine because he might have Covid-19.

Turns out he just had Saturday Night Fever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL Elton John wrote an unreleased song about his short-lived affair with the lead actor in "Who's The Boss?"

He called it, "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SusheeMonster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night

Turns out it was just saturday night fever

(Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoAdenine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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John Cena's more than a brainac
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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John Deere salespeople stand behind all of their products.

Except maybe the manure spreader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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What do John Cena and my sense of humor have in common?

They're invisible

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?

A: Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?

B: No, what was the trip for?

A: To see his wife. It was a Yoko motive.

(original)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmkay_then
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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And god said to John β€œcome forth and ye shall receive eternal life.”

But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Jesus said unto John. Come forth and receive eternal life.

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JSmithy46
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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They say John Cena's in the new fast and furious movie

But I didn't see him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robotcheese4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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John: I failed my first indigenous Australian music exam

Paul: Well didgeridoo it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jedispartan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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58 years ago today, Ringo joined forces with John, Paul, and George.

Pete got sacked, but it was for the Best.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejeanspiano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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How do you get John Travolta out of your cheese?

Use Dawn. It takes Grease out of your whey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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Call me John

cause i’ve Cena enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kysCyte
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Why did Bill get mad at John after John ate all of his toast?

Because he's Lack Toast Intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CeaselessHavel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Somebody asked, "Who is your favorite Beatle? John, Paul, George, or Ringo?"

I said, "I like Pete Best."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Juevolitos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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They’ve locked down Liverpool John Lennon Airport and all the passengers are trapped inside

Imagine, all the people...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Elton Johns favourite beer?

Amstel standing! (Yeah Yeah Yeah!)

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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John Travolta is ok!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DVDJPaulG
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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Elton John doesn’t always get high as a kite...

But when he does it’s zero hour 9 am

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFister720
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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John Cena emerges from a deep slumber only to find he has wound up in the hospital.

JC: where am I?

Nurse: ICU.

JC: No you can’t.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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John went deer hunting but he couldn’t find his doe, so he

Tractor

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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And the Lord said unto John "come fourth and receive eternal life"

But he came fifth and won a toaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IwantaWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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John's box is too small
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i____7d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
John Travolta was hospitalized earlier today for suspected COVID-19.

Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oconnellj4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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What did john put on his pasta?

Parmajohn cheese

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OOOaaEEEEEE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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With all the shortages, we've been forced to buy the John Wayne toilet paper.

It's rough, tough, and don't take shit off anyone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/btross
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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John Wick
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheShivanKing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say

At least the both have something "in" common.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoiSINNEDsoul73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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And god said to John, come forth and receive eternal life

But he cane fifth and won a toaster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dildo_Swaginns
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
58 years ago today, Ringo joined forces with John, Paul, and George.

Pete got sacked, but it was for the Best.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejeanspiano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report

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