My friend Robert was going on and on about how great it is to cook food on a stick.

So I just said, β€œK, Bob.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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Robert E. Lee once said: "I like whiskey. I always did. And that is why I never drink it."

But that's just generally speaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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Robert Wadlow is such an inspiring individual

Everybody looked up to him

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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Why is Robert Downey Jr refusing to take new roles?

Cause he's Dolittle now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dori_lukey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
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I was in the Apple store the other day and the sales assistant Robert, approached me and asked would I like to try the new iPhone. Not interested, I turned and said:

"No Siri Bob"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BazzyTheLemon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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What do you think of the actor Robert Money?

Sorry, I meant Robert Dinero

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Robert Downey Jr. is used to do big stuff in the MCU

but now he is going to Dolittle

Note: RDJ Dolittle movie trailer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEf412bSPLs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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People say Robert Mugabe was an awful dictator but

I was his secretary for a short while and I understood every word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGinuineOne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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If, instead of Robert Downey Jr., Matthew Broderick starred in 'Iron Man'...

... we'd be calling him 'Ferrous Bueller.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?"

Bobert: "No."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TarOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Robert E. was the best.

General Lee speaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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How do you say, "Richard and Robert retrieved a rabbit" without pronouncing the "r's?"

Dick and Bob caught a bunny.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amoreena23
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
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New York Post: "How Patriots owner Robert Craft could get off in prostitution case"

Didn't he already?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rookie_Z
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Little Known Fact: Matthew Broderick almost beat out Robert Downey Jr for the role of Tony Stark

When Downey got the role, they had to change the movie title to Iron Man instead of Ferrous Bueller's Day Off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/borgenhaust
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Why did Robert Kraft (owner of the New England Patriots) get a happy ending at a massage parlor in Florida???

To get his balls deflated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twill2318
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Did you hear about Robert Kraft getting arrested for solicitation?

Apparently the spa he went to had been under investigation for a year and he just happened to go there but was arrested before he could finish. I guess his lawyers will have to...get him off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rwwterp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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I understand Robert Kraft is a single lonely dude...

But isn’t he wealthy enough to order Chinese takeout??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quasiplumber
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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TIL: Robert de Niro is playing the lead role in the upcoming movie about "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy.

The movie is called "You Tolkien to me?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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Mum, watching Notting Hill: "Julia Roberts has such a lovely smile"

Me: "You could say it's a Mona Lisa Smile"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinityLDog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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Why couldn't Robert Plant pay for a gumball?

No Quarter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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Everyone asked Robert Mueller to hurry up with the investigation..

He replied, "Quit Russian me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorogogo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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I told my dad about Mark Roberts (the serial streaker), he asked me if I knew he was considering retirement.

Dad: "Hey you know that guy is considering retirement, right?"

Me: "Wait, really?"

Dad: "I'm serious, but he said he'd stick it out for another year."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TooCoolForSpoole
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
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How did Chinese-American business man Robert Nigel Yu get free money from the bank?

When the teller asked for his name he said, "I am Rob N. Yu."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AziasThePrius
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
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Roger Waters Robert Plant (x-post /r/pinkfloyd)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeego123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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What do you get if you put Robert De niro in the dryer?

Al Pacino

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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Vintage pun from Robert Louis Steventon's "The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde", 1886.

"Β“If he be Mr. Hyde,Β” he had thought, Β“I shall be Mr. Seek.Β”"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WildTurkey81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
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There's a local realtor whose name is Richard Roberts...

My wife told me,

"Richard Roberts? That's a mouthful!"

I told her,

"Not as much as Dick"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poot_scooter
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2017
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Robert De Niro's twin brother discovered....

... In Brazil.

Robert De Janeiro

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fipped
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
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So here's my impression of Robert DeNiro, Jackie Chan, and President Bush walking into a restaurant.

"Table for 3."

My grandpa says this joke weekly, and cracks up every time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HobbitSauce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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[Game of Thrones reference] What does Daenerys Targaryen call King Robert Baratheon when he's going out to eat ramen?

The Uslurper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xavier86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
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Roger Waters Robert Plant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Themadplotter1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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We discussed Robert Frost's "Mending Wall" today in Lit

Me: so I guess you could say he rides the fence about fences.

Classmate: and he doesn't want anyone to take offence about it.

Me: I gate what you're saying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zubat_Breeder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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I just got dadjoked by my dad regarding former Miami Dolphins Robert Konrad's miraculous survival story.

I told my dad about Robert Konrad falling out of his boat and swimming 12 hours back to shore in the dark facing 10 foot waves, sharks, stinging jellyfish and 25 mile per hour winds. He poked his head around the corner and said "You know how he survived don't you? He is a dolphin." I cringed so hard since I was expecting some old man wisdom about the will to live etc. edit: actually he spent 16 hours in the water swimming for shore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Constrictorboa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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I was saying something about an old friend of mine named Robert, who has an underbite

Dad; Oh Robert, He's the one that drowns when it rains right?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benbacon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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