What is Richard Simmons doing in my house?

I didn't in-vitamin.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I'm thinking of entering a talent show. I have two ideas for my act. Either a Blues Traveler cover band, or an impression of Richard Nixon.

I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epitomizer1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Hello, my name is Richard, and I have a bad knee..

You can call me Limp Dick

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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What do you call awesome guys named Richard?

Fabrics

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadLoathe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What did Richard say to his friend Ted?

I'm addicted.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergeantsexxy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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My son asked, β€œHow do you get Dick from Richard?”

I said, β€œWell, you gotta go to dinner first.”

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yankeefan00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Richard Osman with an absolute peach imgur.com/esZMaHi
πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VisualShock1991
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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Can you believe California is having an electric shortage? Richard Ricity should run for governor

This way the people can elect Ricity.

The campaign would be "Elect Rick".

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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My friend Richard bought a new house only to rebuild as ugly as he could. All his new neighbors hate him.

It was a Dick move.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nodegen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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How do we know Richard Pryor wasn’t a virgin birth?

His mom had Dick Pryor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I caught my friend Richard hitting on my wife.

It was a real Dick move.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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For Frick sakes Richard
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/please_be-gentle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Complaining about someone to Richard

That guy sucks Dick!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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I helped my friend Richard relocate

He said it was a Dick move

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Warriorcatv2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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How do you get β€œDick” from Richard?

Buy him dinner first!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/becarefulprincess
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Did you hear that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards had a huge falling out because Mick wouldn't stop speaking in broken Spanish?

When asked about it in an interview, Mick confirmed that "The Rolling Stones gather no mas"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_robototoro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I once knew a guy named Richard Richards.

He was at least two times more of a Dick than anyone else I know.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaine_Raye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Richard Plier
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loosecashews
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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How do you get Dick from Richard, anyway? (You ask him nicely, that's how.)
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PG4044
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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What kind of cheese is always telling Richard what to do?

Ricotta

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beetlebath
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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What Do You Call A Communist Potatoe Named Richard

A Dick Tater...

I'll see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CameForTheLurking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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I don't think Jeremy Clarkson or Richard Hammond know what they're doing...

But James May

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Propane13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
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How do you say, "Richard and Robert retrieved a rabbit" without pronouncing the "r's?"

Dick and Bob caught a bunny.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amoreena23
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
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How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Why did Richard Nixon say he burnt his steak?

"I'm not a cook."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMys1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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My ex and I had cute names for each other. He called me baby and I called him Richard.

Because he was a dick.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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I don't understand nicknames. Like, how do you get "Dick" out of Richard?

Easy, take him out to dinner.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlorisBand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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Have you met Richard? The gay one.

I heard he likes dick better

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fwerees26
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Richard Feynman name his pet turtle?

"Mandelbrot"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishnogeek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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What did King Richard the potato go by?

Dick tater!!!!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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I’m the principal of a school called St.Richard

So I guess you could say I’m the dickhead.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iAm_Unsure
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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What do you call a boat made of potatoes, owned by a man named Richard?

A dictatorship!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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My friend Richard sent me a selfie.

It was a Dickpic.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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I'm the principal of a school called st richards

I guess you could said I'm the dickhead

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroGamer10
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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The latest despot's name is Richard Potato,

But his friends just call him Dick Tater.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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Went to a football game with my friend Richard.

There was this guy on the pitch with a beanie on his head. He scored the first goal, a header.

"Great goal," I said.

"Yes," said my friend. "A great goal."

Another opportunity arose ten minutes later, and the same player jumped up, and scored another header. A terrific one.

"Wow, that was unstoppable," I told my friend.

"Yes, unbelievable. Unstoppable," he replied.

Towards the end of the game, the same player leapt up, scored another incredible header.

I turned to my friend, flabbergasted and said, "I think that thing on his head, it's giving him some sort of advantage. This entire game he hasn't missed a single header."

"What about it?" asked my friend.

I said. "He's got a hat, Rick."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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I’m often a witness to my British friend Richard’s antics, involving randomly placing baked desserts in people’s homes.

More than once I’ve spotted Dick putting.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Richard's new punemy.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineer_whizz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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I regret not naming my baby Richard.

I could've been sending Dick pics all the time.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/talkboyy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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As my friend Richard sat at my dining room table, I went to the kitchen and poured him a glass of milk and mixed in some brown powder from the yellow box in the pantry. That is how...

...I got Rich Quick.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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my copy of Richard Brautigan got destroyed

Now it's Richard Boughtagain

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlternatePsycho
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
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Why would you never see Keith Richards picking lichens?

Because a rolling stone gathers no moss

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alx924
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
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If a guy named Richard sends a selfie, can he say he sent a Dick pic?
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nosonofmine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
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Im a principal of a school called St. Richards

So I guess you could say Im the dickhead

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Penguin-of_Doom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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