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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aqeel01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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My wife told me that my quarantine beard is really growing on her.

What do you know, it's growing on me too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WID_Call_IT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Wanna see an Avengers Endgame spoiler?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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The prime pun

What did amazon prime’s realtor say when they bought there land for there headquarters...

Now that’s some prime real estate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awsomeguy222
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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"Dad. Are we pyromaniacs?"

"Yes, we arson."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar

And doesn't

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fearlessassassin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet?

SUPPLIES!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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How I let my daughter do the dad-joking for me...and I crack up every single time:

My 13 year old daughter's new boyfriend is named Brennan.

I keep calling him Brendon.

Every time, she replies "Dad, there is no D! It's BRENNAN. NO D! Got it?!?"

And I am just thinking to myself "Good, Good...let's keep it that way."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drumlin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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Is cooking popcorn in corn oil Kosher?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PausethePuppy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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An English sports team recently played a foreign team called Real Sociedad ...

Me: "Where even is Sociedad?" Dad: "I don't know son, I've never been to Socie" He was like http://i.imgur.com/EAf5il.png and I was like http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/312/563/05d.jpg and my mum was like http://media0.giphy.com/media/Rhhr8D5mKSX7O/giphy.gif

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marl0we
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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Trouble opening a jar of jelly...

So my 11 year old daughter was having trouble opening a jar of grape jelly and asked for my help. I took it and got it open after a bit of a struggle, and said...."Wow, that lid was really JAMMED on there." I got a world class eye roll out of her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viking042900
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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Dad swoops in on Christmas.

My mom and dad got me a nice pea coat for Christmas.

Me: "wow thanks! This is nice"

Dad: "pea coat, you wouldn't believe the shit coat I got!"

[collective moans]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClosetGinger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2014
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What is The Matrix...?

When I was about 15, I asked my parents if I could see "The Matrix." At that time, if I asked to see an R-rated movie, the rule was we waited till it came to video (yes, at the time it was videotapes) and my parents would watch it first without me to decide if they were comfortable with me watching it.

They watched it, and the next day, my dad asked me what I thought The Matrix was- I said it was some kind of group of cops or something that could do cool aerial fighting moves.

He said, "Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Matrix is... You have to see it for yourself."

For those who are unfamiliar, this is exactly the line used by one of the main characters when he introduces the concept of The Matrix.

No one? Just me? I thought it was funny. Oh well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjk35
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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Christmas joke on my brother

My brother asked for weight plates for Christmas and when he opened up the box there was only one plate instead of the set of two. He made a comment to me saying that there was only one but we just joked amongst ourselves. About halfway through our gift unwrapping, my dad brings out the second weight plate from another room and thinks it is the funniest thing ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rustafarian7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2014
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A customer dadjoked me ad the restaurant.

Me (Waiter): Excuse me, have you finished?

Him: Actually, I'm Danish! ...!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheik92
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
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Hey anyone know how many tears were shed tonight?

Like a brazilllion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotoriousHaze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
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For some what darker Dadjokes, check out /r/HeyCarl/

http://i.imgur.com/4T3awam.jpg

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/512/447/417.png

http://24.media.tumblr.com/097ab89f865a7f061f15edc795c136dc/tumblr_mxcqbqQk3I1rc4b8ho8_500.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/Qjsyzh0.jpg

http://www.reddit.com/r/HeyCarl/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deku-shrub
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
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