What is the gardener's favourite Christmas carol?

Lettuce grow, lettuce grow, lettuce grow.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Carols at the Spinet
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imaveryluckyman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A copy of A Christmas Carol fell on my toe!

It hurts like the Dickens >_<

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If a Christmas carol comes from a hymn, where do Halloween carols come from?

A hearse.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m2guru
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.

It is my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What's Carol Baskin's husband's favorite music?

Scat

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What Christmas Carol do they sing in a psychiatric hospital?

Do you hear what I hear?

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mymindisgone74
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Carol wanted to make some cash so she tried to sell cookies, but they weren’t even cooked all the way...

What a half-baked attempt at making dough.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UrAHarryWizard7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a dad's favourite Christmas carol?

Silent night.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonimonstr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My copy of "A Christmas Carol" just fell on my foot.

It hurt like the Dickens.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A lazy dad's take on 'A Christmas Carol'

I said, "Son, forget the past, you can't change it.

"And forget the present, because I haven't bought you one".

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know "Silent Night" is not a nativity carol, but rather a news item about a successful Scandinavian invasion of the Middle East?

"BjΓΈrn is the king of Israel"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randombrain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2017
🚨︎ report
A Christmas Carol
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
🚨︎ report
What Christmas Carol do you sing at a hospital?

The holly and the I.V.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nofrillsoculus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad loves Christmas carols.

Every year on Christmas we'll have Nat King Cole playing through the house and eventually "The Christmas Song" comes on. Without fail, Dad belts...

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nosing at your nips."

Every year.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PerkinsKebab
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Heard this at carols

What do you get when you cross an ipod and a Christmas tree?

Pineapple.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravin66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
🚨︎ report
I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
If Carole Baskin worked at a distillery,

She would be barrel caskin'

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ol_Geiser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Carole Bastion
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopebro559
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How's the weather?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Well, I decked the Halls today...

They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNQRSTUVWXYZ

If you came here looking for an OP, you got it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him β€œThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining β€œjingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. β€œRudolph” β€œFrosty the Snowman” β€œDrummer Boy” even β€œI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β€œ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. β€œNO honey it really works watch!” β€œIm going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. β€œWAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out β€œCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipphazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
While out caroling one Christmas eve, Jeff & Don were tragically killed in the middle of singing "Deck the Halls". In a strange twist, they were reincarnated as ass-less leather chaps. Jeff looked at his friend and said...

..."Don, we now are gay apparel."

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbattoirOfDuty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Dah Dah dah
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattLantisPro
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad during the holidays. imgur.com/vswOt
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/centerde
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
🚨︎ report
[Request] Tubas and Classic Rock

Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled β€œTubaChristmas in July,” which had β€œHallelujah” by Pentatonix, β€œCarol of the Bells,” β€œYou’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and β€œHave Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have β€œBohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, β€œPaint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, β€œLivin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, β€œDon’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).

I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Leo_1110
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Visit to the Doctor’s Office

Carol hated going to the Doctor’s office, she was afraid she would see he ex-Ray.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Augusta_Wynd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Heard this on a radio commercial.

Beer nuts are just under a dollar, deer nuts are just under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thelotusknyte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
🚨︎ report
A collection of my fathers best.

I was showing my dad some pictures from my trip to Europe. He saw a picture of a rock covered with moss and said, "I'm lichen that!"

For Christmas dinner we were having ham. The plate of carved ham was between my dad and I. Someone asked where the plate went. My dad says,"We're hoggin' it."

There was a store in my home town called carols cedar cellar. It was damaged in a flood and they knocked the building down exposing the basement. We drive by and my dad says,"Now you can cedar cellar."

I have so much to learn.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/roostermathis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad's long running joke...

For as long as I can remember, my dad would go into the bathroom and drop a real stinky shit, then wait outside the bathroom until my mom wanders by at which time he would say something along the lines of "Goddamn Carol! Light a match in there next time! What crawled up your ass and died?!". My mom always would look mortified and defend herself as if she actually did it. Even after countless years of seeing him pull the same routine over and over again it's still hilarious.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Some_Random_Bro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Heard a great subtle joke in the show, "The Master of None".

Dev: "He seems nice."

Grandma Carol: "I don't like him. He steals our phone chargers."

Dev: "I don't think thats really a profitable racket... "

Grandma Carol: it's not about the money; it's about the power!

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeLampz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2015
🚨︎ report
My sister tried showing my dad a picture of her Christmas decorations

His response: Carol, stop! I dont need the nativity in my life

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Two34five
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Meet the Jack of all dadjokes!

I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.

So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.

After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.

Woman: Are you freezing?

Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)

Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.

and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering a retirement home in a few days because he is getting to the point that it is hard to take care of himself anymore.

Oh boy, those nurses are in for a treat once Jack gets settled in.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Happyazz84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
🚨︎ report
I realised I'm a dad joker when I let this one out

Unpacking groceries into the fridge, the fridge starts with it's alarm that the door has been open for too long (jingle bells)

Me: I wish the fridge would shut the hell up! Step daughter: it's a smart fridge Me: well if it's so damn smart, why the hell is it playing Christmas carols in May.

Groans where heard throughout the house

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teraferma
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad made this pun about his car

So yesterday I went to the movie theater with my dad and we saw Need For Speed. In the movie they talk a little bit about Caroll Shelby, a famous performance cars designer. After the movie we talked a bit about him and he told me :

-I think Caroll Shelby designed my car.

I told him : I'm pretty sure he did not, you have a shitty little car but why do you think so?

He said : Son, it's obvious Mr Caroll named the Carolla after himself.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zacy_99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
🚨︎ report
A copy of β€œA Christmas Carol” just fell on my toe.

It hurts like the Dickens.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CobaltD70
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.