Kym Puns

What do you know, it's growing on me too.

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What did amazon prime’s realtor say when they bought there land for there headquarters...

Now that’s some prime real estate

"Yes, we arson."

And doesn't

SUPPLIES!

My 13 year old daughter's new boyfriend is named Brennan.

I keep calling him Brendon.

Every time, she replies "Dad, there is no D! It's BRENNAN. NO D! Got it?!?"

And I am just thinking to myself "Good, Good...let's keep it that way."

Me: "Where even is Sociedad?" Dad: "I don't know son, I've never been to Socie" He was like http://i.imgur.com/EAf5il.png and I was like http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/312/563/05d.jpg and my mum was like http://media0.giphy.com/media/Rhhr8D5mKSX7O/giphy.gif

So my 11 year old daughter was having trouble opening a jar of grape jelly and asked for my help. I took it and got it open after a bit of a struggle, and said...."Wow, that lid was really JAMMED on there." I got a world class eye roll out of her.

My mom and dad got me a nice pea coat for Christmas.

Me: "wow thanks! This is nice"

Dad: "pea coat, you wouldn't believe the shit coat I got!"

[collective moans]

When I was about 15, I asked my parents if I could see "The Matrix." At that time, if I asked to see an R-rated movie, the rule was we waited till it came to video (yes, at the time it was videotapes) and my parents would watch it first without me to decide if they were comfortable with me watching it.

They watched it, and the next day, my dad asked me what I thought The Matrix was- I said it was some kind of group of cops or something that could do cool aerial fighting moves.

He said, "Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Matrix is... You have to see it for yourself."

For those who are unfamiliar, this is exactly the line used by one of the main characters when he introduces the concept of The Matrix.

No one? Just me? I thought it was funny. Oh well.

My brother asked for weight plates for Christmas and when he opened up the box there was only one plate instead of the set of two. He made a comment to me saying that there was only one but we just joked amongst ourselves. About halfway through our gift unwrapping, my dad brings out the second weight plate from another room and thinks it is the funniest thing ever.

Me (Waiter): Excuse me, have you finished?

Him: Actually, I'm Danish! ...!

Like a brazilllion.

"Damn."

Thanks, dad. Merry Christmas to you too.

http://i.imgur.com/4T3awam.jpg

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/512/447/417.png

http://24.media.tumblr.com/097ab89f865a7f061f15edc795c136dc/tumblr_mxcqbqQk3I1rc4b8ho8_500.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/Qjsyzh0.jpg

http://www.reddit.com/r/HeyCarl/