Hello, my name is Richard, and I have a bad knee..

You can call me Limp Dick

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Jeff Bezos changed his name to Richard and started a living room furniture empire?

I guess you can do anything if you're Sofa King Rich.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My ex and I had cute names for each other. He called me baby and I called him Richard.

Because he was a dick.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The latest despot's name is Richard Potato,

But his friends just call him Dick Tater.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
There's a local realtor whose name is Richard Roberts...

My wife told me,

"Richard Roberts? That's a mouthful!"

I told her,

"Not as much as Dick"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poot_scooter
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad's name is Richard/Ricardo.

Dad: I've been working out at the gym so much lately, they're gonna start calling me Ricardio.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/omlet_du_fromage
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call awesome guys named Richard?

Fabrics

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MadLoathe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a guy named Richard Richards.

He was at least two times more of a Dick than anyone else I know.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaine_Raye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What Do You Call A Communist Potatoe Named Richard

A Dick Tater...

I'll see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CameForTheLurking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I regret not naming my baby Richard.

I could've been sending Dick pics all the time.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/talkboyy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
If a guy named Richard sends a selfie, can he say he sent a Dick pic?
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nosonofmine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Daughter asked, β€œWhy am I named Rose?” Its because a rose landed on you shortly after you were born. My other daughter asked, β€œ Why am I named Daisy?” It is because a daisy landed on your head after you were born.

My son asked, β€œ Why is my name Richard?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a guided tour of some cliffs today

the persons name was richard

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.