Thomas Edison walks into a bar

The bartender say "I'll serve you alright, but don't get any ideas"

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👤︎ u/wokeprince2020
📅︎ Mar 13
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What does Thomas the Tank Engine call his teen brother?

A steam punk!

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📅︎ Mar 14
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Why was Thomas the tank engine out of breath?

He was training all day.

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👤︎ u/whippymcdumbass
📅︎ Jan 10
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What did the student say after visiting the Thomas Edison Museum?

I enjoyed being enlightened

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👤︎ u/billgluckman7
📅︎ Sep 04 2020
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Thomas
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👤︎ u/19rthompson
📅︎ Jul 30 2019
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
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👤︎ u/ruchi565
📅︎ Oct 17 2019
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Just lost two precious pets, Jeremiah and Thomas. Gonna miss you little guys

R.I.P...Tom and Jerry

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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
📅︎ Jul 11 2020
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My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.

"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Apr 13 2020
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What does Thomas the Tank Engine say when it bites it's fingernails?

Chew chew

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👤︎ u/Dacaldha
📅︎ Jun 01 2020
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My son used to be COMPLETELY addicted to Thomas the Tank Engine - but it’s no longer a problem because

He’s well trained

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👤︎ u/dandan_56
📅︎ Nov 27 2019
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You’ve heard of Thomas the Tank Engine, now get ready for Jet-Ski Gretzky!
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👤︎ u/RedditDragon9731
📅︎ Jul 07 2019
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Why was Thomas Edison able to invent the light bulb?

Because he was very bright

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👤︎ u/memesneverdie77
📅︎ Nov 19 2019
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A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

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👤︎ u/pparten
📅︎ Nov 04 2019
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Thomas Edison really lit up the scientific world
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👤︎ u/yaboi79
📅︎ Jul 16 2019
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What do you call a Thomas Cook flight going backwards?

A receding airline.

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👤︎ u/simplyGagi
📅︎ Sep 25 2019
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What does Thomas the Tank Engine use to raise pancakes?

Bicarbonate of Sodor

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👤︎ u/Perigeesus
📅︎ Jun 10 2019
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Thomas Jefferson was the first person to ever write an ice cream recipe in America

It was pretty revolutionary.

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👤︎ u/MrFruigle
📅︎ Jun 13 2018
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What does Thomas the Tank Engine drink?

Coal-a

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👤︎ u/Jayrandomer
📅︎ Oct 22 2018
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Letitia Wright who plays Shuri in Plack Panther found out that Thomas Sanders called her a Disney Princess.

She was marveled.

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👤︎ u/Alert_Coffee
📅︎ Jan 04 2019
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Few people know that Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla put aside their differences and started a rock band together.

It was called AC/DC.

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👤︎ u/Torley_
📅︎ Jul 29 2018
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My wife bought our son some Thomas & Friends shoes.

I asked her if they were cross-trainers.

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👤︎ u/Reefay
📅︎ Aug 18 2018
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What was Thomas Jefferson's dad's name?

Thomas Jefferdad.

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👤︎ u/ggskater
📅︎ Aug 11 2015
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Did you hear Thomas the Tank Engine became a vampire?

Yeah, now he lives in Trainsylvania.

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👤︎ u/ZeLittleMan
📅︎ Apr 28 2013
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Thomas Edison was the type of guy who really knew how to light up a room.
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👤︎ u/Kopextacy
📅︎ Jul 25 2016
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Just watched Odd Thomas.

Dad - I was ODDly entertained...

My dad is no longer with us, but I know this is what he would say.

Hope that's ok.

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👤︎ u/acallis1
📅︎ Oct 26 2014
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Did you know that famous German pop singers Dieter Bohlen and Thomas Anders wrote a successful fantasy novel as well?

Some critics went so far as to call them "modern Tolkien".

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👤︎ u/orthoxerox
📅︎ Mar 20 2016
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Dad Joked by a Thomas Jefferson Impersonator at Work Today

Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.

ME: Hi Tom,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.

I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.

Thomas Jefferson: Matt,

Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.

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👤︎ u/Smashfield5
📅︎ Jan 08 2016
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Dad: I was named after Thomas Jefferson

Son: But dad your name is Brian Dad: I know but I was named after him

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👤︎ u/KingTheo75520
📅︎ Jul 30 2020
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…

He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

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👤︎ u/thepattato
📅︎ Jun 03 2019
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…

He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.”

I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Apr 29 2017
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
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👤︎ u/ruchi565
📅︎ Nov 06 2019
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I told my daughter she was named after Thomas Jefferson...

She said "Dad... my name is Scarlett."

"Yeah, I know. But you were named after Thomas Jefferson."

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👤︎ u/Maimonides_vii
📅︎ Nov 27 2017
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.”

I replied, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Jun 22 2018
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Thomas the tank engine is rarely late.

He is well trained.

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👤︎ u/Pun-isher42
📅︎ Apr 17 2019
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I was named after Thomas Jefferson.

My name is zack-n-cheese, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.

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👤︎ u/zack-n-cheese
📅︎ Jun 26 2019
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When I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson, he looked quizzically at me and said, “But your name is Brian...”

I exclaimed, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!"

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Sep 30 2018
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