What does Thomas the Tank Engine say when it bites it's fingernails?

Chew chew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dacaldha
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.

"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, β€œBut dad, your name is Brian.” I said, β€œI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Thomas the tank engine
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yolarist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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Thomas
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πŸ‘€︎ u/19rthompson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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My son used to be COMPLETELY addicted to Thomas the Tank Engine - but it’s no longer a problem because

He’s well trained

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Why was Thomas Edison able to invent the light bulb?

Because he was very bright

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πŸ‘€︎ u/memesneverdie77
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pparten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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You’ve heard of Thomas the Tank Engine, now get ready for Jet-Ski Gretzky!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditDragon9731
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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What do you call a Thomas Cook flight going backwards?

A receding airline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Thomas Edison really lit up the scientific world
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi79
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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If Tom is short for Thomas

Is mom short for mhomas?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaruiIan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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I was named after Thomas Jefferson.

My name is zack-n-cheese, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zack-n-cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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What does Thomas the Tank Engine use to raise pancakes?

Bicarbonate of Sodor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perigeesus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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Thomas the tank engine is rarely late.

He is well trained.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I told my daughter she was named after Thomas Jefferson...

She said "Dad... my name is Scarlett."

"Yeah, I know. But you were named after Thomas Jefferson."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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When I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson, he looked quizzically at me and said, β€œBut your name is Brian...”

I exclaimed, β€œI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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Me: I was named after Thomas Jefferson.

Kiddo: But... your name is Tim.

Me: Right. I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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Letitia Wright who plays Shuri in Plack Panther found out that Thomas Sanders called her a Disney Princess.

She was marveled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alert_Coffee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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What does Thomas the Tank Engine drink?

Coal-a

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Thomas Jefferson was the first person to ever write an ice cream recipe in America

It was pretty revolutionary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFruigle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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Few people know that Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla put aside their differences and started a rock band together.

It was called AC/DC.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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My wife bought our son some Thomas & Friends shoes.

I asked her if they were cross-trainers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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What was Thomas Jefferson's dad's name?

Thomas Jefferdad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggskater
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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Thomas Edison was the type of guy who really knew how to light up a room.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2016
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Did you hear Thomas the Tank Engine became a vampire?

Yeah, now he lives in Trainsylvania.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeLittleMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2013
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Just watched Odd Thomas.

Dad - I was ODDly entertained...

My dad is no longer with us, but I know this is what he would say.

Hope that's ok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acallis1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
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Did you know that famous German pop singers Dieter Bohlen and Thomas Anders wrote a successful fantasy novel as well?

Some critics went so far as to call them "modern Tolkien".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orthoxerox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2016
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Dad Joked by a Thomas Jefferson Impersonator at Work Today

Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.

ME: Hi Tom,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.

I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.

Thomas Jefferson: Matt,

Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smashfield5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, β€œBut dad, your name is Brian.” I said, β€œI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…

He said, β€œBut dad, your name is Brian.” I said, β€œI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepattato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…

He said, β€œBut dad, your name is Brian.”

I said, β€œI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2017
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I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, β€œBut dad, your name is Brian.”

I replied, β€œI know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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