Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me he said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".

He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"

πŸ‘︎ 27k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
My buddy David had his ID stolen.

I now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
My mate David had his ID stolen...

... I now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gbuckingham89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now he’s just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I finally figured out why David Hasselhoff changed his name to The Hoff.

Too much Hassel.

πŸ‘︎ 514
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his id.

We now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
What does Craig David announce when he does a pyjama wash?

"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dnhll19
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
There's a lot of talk about zamboni driver David Ayres getting a once-in-a-lifetime win, but I don't think we've seen the last of him in the NHL. /r/hockey/comments/f8c0jh…
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jchurch8073
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
I refer to David Hasselhoff as "The Hoff"

It's less of a hassel 😏

πŸ‘︎ 270
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elegant_rose392
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle David just lost his wallet and phone and ID.

He’s just Dav now

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now he is no longer instinctual, with only his super-ego left. Is this a psycho-babble joke? Yes, I'm a-Freud so.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
"Bowl of Chocolate Mousse" by David Gilhooly, 1989
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/banditoroyal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What was David Bowie’s favourite Christmas dessert?

Ziggy pudding

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David had is ID stolen

Now he’s just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David had his ID stolen

Now he's just Dave

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stevenplaysmcpeyt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Pink Floyd's "The Gnome" and David Bowie's "The Laughing Gnome" were released within a month of each other.

It was bignomeial.

Courtesy of my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know Bing Crosby gave David Bowie a pom pom for Christmas?

And not just any old pom pom but a proper pom pom!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mardypig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now he's just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jennifer_stinger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, β€œWhat’s your name, son?” He replies, β€œD-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, β€œOh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, β€œNo sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you head that David got his ID stolen ?

We have to call him Dav now .

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff has started to refer to himself as Hoff.

It’s less of a hassle.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Your uncle David just lost his ID

Now you can call him uncle Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nevarc_Xela
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
"Hi my name is David and i lost my ID...

... I guess you can call me Dav now."

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yalam_boi
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Goliath do, after David slung a stone deep into the giants forehead?

He go lieth down.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My name is David, and I just lost my ID somewhere.

So now I'm just Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pluckish
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
David Bowie's David Bowie bowie knife
πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sokratesv
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about my friend David who lost his ID?

We had to call him Dav

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AMcBroom81
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Sean Connery. David Niven. George lazenby. Roger Moore. Timothy Dalton. Pierce Brosnan. Daniel Craig.

They all share a bond

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/obiworm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
If Jennifer Lopez married a man named Michael and they had a son named David

He would be Michael and J-Lo’s David

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snorklingkid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deivux66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID

He's just Dave now

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HelpMeFindTheGay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff walks into a bar

The bartender says, β€œOh my god, David Hasselhoff, this is so amazing!β€œ

David Hasselhoff replies, β€œJust call me Hoff.β€œ

The bartender replies, β€œSure, no hassle, just Hoff.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabriel_Aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pmrox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My name is David and I want to name my son Harley.

That way when someone is asking who that kid is, someone can say, β€œthat’s Harley, Davidson.”

(This really something I’m considering btw)

πŸ‘︎ 263
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dah_beed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about David Hasselhoff?

He’s changing his surname to just β€œHoff” because it’s less hassel

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
GOP Senator David Perdue Faces Lawsuit After Snatching a Student's Phone

It's a cellphone battery charge

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daveberzack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend David had his ID stolen.

Now he's just Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
So my friend David lost his ID

...now we just call him Dave

πŸ‘︎ 276
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yetti2015
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2016
🚨︎ report
If David Guetta reached his level of fame by raising himself by the bootstraps, does that make him a go-Guetta?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perse95
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend David loves making puns, and they are simultaneously amazing and awful. Now he has a Kickstarter for a Pun-a-Day calendar. reddit.com/r/kickstarter/…
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordPachelbel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Help with a David Bowie pun?

I would like to combine a Bowie song lyric/title and a business involving cakes and flowers but I am really bad at puns. If I could get some help that would be awesome. I mostly would like the pun to revolve around cake, but if it could include that and flowers that would be amazing.

Also awesome: David Bowie song titles/lyrics that are already applicable (i.e. "Sweet Thing")

I'm super awful at puns so any and all attempts are much appreciated!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_death_at_614
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
David: I lost my id card

David: I lost my id card

Dad: So i guess i would have to call you Dav from now on

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Praveen_99
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
🚨︎ report
David Bowie's Culinary Enterprises

David Bowie is reported to be opening a pop-up one time food stand next Saturday in Santa Monica. There will be Gyros, but just for one day.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/george__kaplan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff has officially changed his name to "David Hoff".

The star has stated "In the beginning, it was hard to change my last name. But after some time, there was no hassle"

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad joked by David Sedaris

During the Q&A at a David Sedaris reading:

Audience person: where are all the places you've lived?

David Sedaris: hopefully where they're supposed to be.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djeljefe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
🚨︎ report
David Bowie was gonna be cast in a movie but...

they made some ch-ch-ch-changes.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cerb_the_Narwhal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID yesterday

Now we just call him Dave

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YouCanGoToHell
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
🚨︎ report
So we were talking about David Bowie...

The topic of whether he was gay came up, and my mom said that he was probably bisexual.

Brother: What's bisexual mean?

Mom: Its when you swing both ways!

Dad: I always thought that when you couldn't get it, you bought it...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend David had his ID stolen the other day

Now we just call him dav

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HekticLobster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
🚨︎ report
David Lee Roth dadjoked Ted Templeman

In the song "Unchained" by Van Halen...

Dave: "Hey man, that suit is you. You'll get some leg tonight for sure. Tell us how you do!"
Ted: "Come on Dave, gimme a break."
Dave: "Hey, hey, hey, one break coming up!"

Video: http://youtu.be/xx86CxKYtg0?t=2m19s

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TRKillShot
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
🚨︎ report
David Duchovny is getting a divorce

His wife, Tea Leoni, will soon be put in his Ex-Files

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Roylee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
🚨︎ report
My mate David has his ID stolen

Now we call him Dav

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pig-gy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
David lost his ID...

He’s Dav now.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyKnights
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now I call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VerboseLeader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David just lost his ID.

Now he's just Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID

Now he's just Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewciferCDXX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I hear David lost his ID

Now we have to call him Dav

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRaizinBran
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID

Now we just call him Dav

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester1525
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID.

We call him Dav now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EricICX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID

So now I just call him Dav

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MoistSeaman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
🚨︎ report
David lost his I.D. in Prague.

Now we just have to call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gt0t
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID

Now we just call him Dave

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arseneisbest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear? David lost his ID

Now we just have to call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
🚨︎ report

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