My friend David lost his ID today

Now I call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crown92royal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
What type of phone does David Berkowitz use?

Sung of Sam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trashconverters
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

β€œIt’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.

β€œJust call me Hoff”, he replied.

β€œSure”, said the bartender, β€œno hassle”.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Craig David has volunteered to help out at the next Olympics, he has been assigned to Archery...

He said β€œHe’s delighted to be the bo selecta”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!

It's Gsus

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
David Tennant recently got into renting out houses

Now he is David lanndlord

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vico__Staps
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I found out that my salary from starring in porn movies was going to David Hasselhoff...

All my hard work was going to pay Hoff.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me he said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".

He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"

πŸ‘︎ 28k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.

Me: my name isn’t David.

Doctor: I know. I’m David.

πŸ‘︎ 948
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:

We call him Ciggy Stardust.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
It occurred to me today that I would have loved to see two of my favorite bands from the 90s, led respectively by David Usher and Gavin Rossdale, on the same ticket. The sign on the theatre would have been epic.

Moist Bush.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/average_legend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my friend David's ID

So now he's just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bennyhana_911
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy David has his ID stolen

Now he’s just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissouriFred
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.

Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catillionaire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My name’s David, but my Chinese friends call me Dawei.

I guess that’s just dawei it is.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally figured out why David Hasselhoff changed his name to The Hoff.

Too much Hassel.

πŸ‘︎ 512
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
"Bowl of Chocolate Mousse" by David Gilhooly, 1989
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditoroyal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a lot of talk about zamboni driver David Ayres getting a once-in-a-lifetime win, but I don't think we've seen the last of him in the NHL. /r/hockey/comments/f8c0jh…
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jchurch8073
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Craig David announce when he does a pyjama wash?

"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dnhll19
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now he is no longer instinctual, with only his super-ego left. Is this a psycho-babble joke? Yes, I'm a-Freud so.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What was David Bowie’s favourite Christmas dessert?

Ziggy pudding

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, β€œWhat’s your name, son?” He replies, β€œD-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, β€œOh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, β€œNo sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Pink Floyd's "The Gnome" and David Bowie's "The Laughing Gnome" were released within a month of each other.

It was bignomeial.

Courtesy of my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know Bing Crosby gave David Bowie a pom pom for Christmas?

And not just any old pom pom but a proper pom pom!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mardypig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID,

Now we call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TechX5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID during a trip.

Now we all call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChekovsCurlyHair
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:

We call him Ciggy Stardust.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/argotrevor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My mate David had his ID stolen...

... I now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gbuckingham89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy David had his ID stolen.

I now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID.

Now he’s just Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiWanToasty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend David had his ID stolen.

Now we just call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now he’s just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I refer to David Hasselhoff as "The Hoff"

It's less of a hassel 😏

πŸ‘︎ 271
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elegant_rose392
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his id.

We now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff has started to refer to himself as Hoff.

It’s less of a hassle.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My uncle David just lost his wallet and phone and ID.

He’s just Dav now

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My mate David has his ID stolen

Now we call him Dav

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pig-gy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend David had his ID stolen

Now he's just Dave

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stevenplaysmcpeyt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now I call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerboseLeader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David had is ID stolen

Now he’s just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
David lost his ID...

He’s Dav now.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyKnights
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID...

Now he's just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jennifer_stinger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend David just lost his ID.

Now he's just Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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