I was reading today that Kevin Bacon and Daniel Day Lewis are making a movie together

It's called My Left Footloose

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/freedoomed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Daniel is in denial

Really, it is or do you need me to spell it out for you?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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What does Daniel Craig and Sean Connery do in a bar?

Bond. They Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/Meriloinen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Did you know Daniel Boone had three ears?

His right ear, his left ear, and his wild frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkybeefbombs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Sean Connery. David Niven. George lazenby. Roger Moore. Timothy Dalton. Pierce Brosnan. Daniel Craig.

They all share a bond

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ‘€︎ u/obiworm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Llamaghost5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I was going to drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels

But it was too whiskey

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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"Where's my John Daniels?"

"John Daniels?"

"Yeah, where is it?



"Don't you mean Jack?"

"...when you've known him as long as I have son, you can call him John."

Bless Al Pacino.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/RottenMind62
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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If 6th Sense was Gluten Free (by Daniel Trasher) youtu.be/WKzG9R-AxpE
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reagiamo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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β€œWould you like to be known on TV as Daniel?”

β€œNo. I prefer Dan, rather.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
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How many ears does Daniel Boone have?

Three. Right ear, left ear and a frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clyde_Died
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
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I got hit with this last night: "Where's my John Daniels?"

"John Daniels?"

"Yeah, where is it?



"Don't you mean Jack?"

"...when you've known him as long as I have son, you can call him John."

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ‘€︎ u/weavin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Many people want the "Damn Daniel" trend to end...

But how will they feel when he's back at it again (with the white Vans)?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_A_Sasshole
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinWilson94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?

White Vans

πŸ‘︎ 246
πŸ‘€︎ u/no_smoke_fwm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Christmas warning

A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from...

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ‘€︎ u/vanilakodey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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If Dan could yell very loud

how loud would Daniel?

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Guys, to be frank

I would have to change my name

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wombat_Lejek
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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Play of words
πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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I met an Asian guy at a party and asked him, β€œAre you Chris Chen?”

He said: No, my name is Daniel. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?

Me: No. I meant, do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

πŸ‘︎ 349
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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A method actor who takes a role of a drug addict is a Meth O.D. actor
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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I refused to believe I was gay & dyslexic

I was in Daniel

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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My son asked me,”can I have a book mark?”

I started crying.

15 years and he still doesn’t know that my name is Daniel.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/D1v1nE_reign
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Yesterday my son said β€œcan I have a book mark?”

11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Daniel!?!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/snippysnap_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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What do you call a half wine/half whiskey mix?

Jacques Daniels

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/wondering-knight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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A man walked into my liquor store. He examined the spirits behind me.

He said, "Have you got Jack Daniels Honey?"

I said, "We do, but don't call me that."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!

Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short

What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks

What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be

Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul

Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!

Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!

Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.

Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.

Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.

What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.

What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda

What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2

Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt

What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.

What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.

What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.

What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2

Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.

Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt

Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe

What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett

What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke

Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.

Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn

What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones

Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Called a business to get a quote... The Guy that answered is definitely a dad.

P- "Hello, Peter speaking"

D- "Hi Peter, this is Daniel speaking."

P- "We must be related!"

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ‘€︎ u/Graciasamigo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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Asked my son if he had brushed his teeth this morning...

He said, "Yeah, I brushed them with Daniel (little brother)."

I replied, "Most of us prefer to use a toothbrush. Does a better job."

"I did!"

me grinning at him

"Oh. Oh, mommy!"

He cracked up. I've still got it!

*Names changed to protect the innocent **Yes, I know I'm a mom, but it's still a dad joke. :)

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/charityveritas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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My dad's full of jokes like this

My dad, boyfriend and I were driving around our city.

Dad: Are you guys having safe sex?

Us: Yeah.

Dad: So, you guys go into a safe and have sex?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaymommy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
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My dad's a big James Bond fan and he told me to try Viagra if I was feeling upset and lonely

"It wont make you Daniel Craig but it will make you Roger Moore."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/rustedhero
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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My Christian-Dad was obviously the inspiration for Ned Flanders

Dad: "Time for bed, kids"

Kids: "Throw us in bed! Throw us in bed!"

(Dad picks a kid up in his arms)

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about the three men in the book of Daniel who were thrown into the fiery furnace?"

Kids: "No!"

Dad: "Their names were... Shadrach... Meshach... and ToBedYouGo!

(tosses squealing kid through the air, onto the bed)

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclura
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Baby shopping

Facebook status: I have the best husband in the world

Comment #1: is this a frape?

Husband: No, she got a present from (soon to be born) baby Daniel.

Comment #2: has he got womb WiFi or something?

Husband: No, just womb service.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/kid01-1153
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
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