What does Daniel Craig and Sean Connery do in a bar?

Bond. They Bond.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meriloinen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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Did you know Daniel Boone had three ears?

His right ear, his left ear, and his wild frontier.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkybeefbombs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Sean Connery. David Niven. George lazenby. Roger Moore. Timothy Dalton. Pierce Brosnan. Daniel Craig.

They all share a bond

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πŸ‘€︎ u/obiworm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I was going to drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels

But it was too whiskey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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"Where's my John Daniels?"

"John Daniels?"

"Yeah, where is it?

"John?"

"Yeah"

"Don't you mean Jack?"

"...when you've known him as long as I have son, you can call him John."

Bless Al Pacino.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RottenMind62
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Daniel
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Llamaghost5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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If 6th Sense was Gluten Free (by Daniel Trasher) youtu.be/WKzG9R-AxpE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reagiamo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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How many ears does Daniel Boone have?

Three. Right ear, left ear and a frontier.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clyde_Died
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
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I got hit with this last night: "Where's my John Daniels?"

"John Daniels?"

"Yeah, where is it?

"John?"

"Yeah"

"Don't you mean Jack?"

"...when you've known him as long as I have son, you can call him John."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weavin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Many people want the "Damn Daniel" trend to end...

But how will they feel when he's back at it again (with the white Vans)?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_A_Sasshole
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinWilson94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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I saw my ex girlfriend across the museum hall, but I felt too self conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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Play of words
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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Guys, to be frank

I would have to change my name

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wombat_Lejek
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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I met an Asian guy at a party and asked him, β€œAre you Chris Chen?”

He said: No, my name is Daniel. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?

Me: No. I meant, do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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My son asked me,”can I have a book mark?”

I started crying.

15 years and he still doesn’t know that my name is Daniel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D1v1nE_reign
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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I refused to believe I was gay & dyslexic

I was in Daniel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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A method actor who takes a role of a drug addict is a Meth O.D. actor
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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Yesterday my son said β€œcan I have a book mark?”

11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Daniel!?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snippysnap_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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What do you call a half wine/half whiskey mix?

Jacques Daniels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wondering-knight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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A man walked into my liquor store. He examined the spirits behind me.

He said, "Have you got Jack Daniels Honey?"

I said, "We do, but don't call me that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its but

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Called a business to get a quote... The Guy that answered is definitely a dad.

P- "Hello, Peter speaking"

D- "Hi Peter, this is Daniel speaking."

P- "We must be related!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Graciasamigo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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Asked my son if he had brushed his teeth this morning...

He said, "Yeah, I brushed them with Daniel (little brother)."

I replied, "Most of us prefer to use a toothbrush. Does a better job."

"I did!"

me grinning at him

"Oh. Oh, mommy!"

He cracked up. I've still got it!

*Names changed to protect the innocent **Yes, I know I'm a mom, but it's still a dad joke. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charityveritas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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My dad's a big James Bond fan and he told me to try Viagra if I was feeling upset and lonely

"It wont make you Daniel Craig but it will make you Roger Moore."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rustedhero
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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My dad's full of jokes like this

My dad, boyfriend and I were driving around our city.

Dad: Are you guys having safe sex?

Us: Yeah.

Dad: So, you guys go into a safe and have sex?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaymommy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
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My Christian-Dad was obviously the inspiration for Ned Flanders

Dad: "Time for bed, kids"

Kids: "Throw us in bed! Throw us in bed!"

(Dad picks a kid up in his arms)

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about the three men in the book of Daniel who were thrown into the fiery furnace?"

Kids: "No!"

Dad: "Their names were... Shadrach... Meshach... and ToBedYouGo!

(tosses squealing kid through the air, onto the bed)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclura
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Baby shopping

Facebook status: I have the best husband in the world

Comment #1: is this a frape?

Husband: No, she got a present from (soon to be born) baby Daniel.

Comment #2: has he got womb WiFi or something?

Husband: No, just womb service.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kid01-1153
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
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