What do you call a buff Italian man named Anthony?


(Thought of this a while ago while at the gym, had a chuckle)

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
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Anthony Bourdain can now officiate weddings.

He is now Anthony Ordained.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
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After all the hand-wringing, criticism and 24-hour coverage, Anthony Scaramucci ended up only holding his new job in the White House for a single week...

...It was Mooch ado about nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afeastforgeorge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
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Just saw that Walmart commercial with Anthony Anderson and Melissa Joan Hart and wondered how many dads will wrap up frozen peas the Christmas.

"You said you wanted "Frozen" stuff!"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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I've spent two years looking for my ex's killer

But no-one will do it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.

Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.

His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.

"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."

"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.

"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."

"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."

"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyLeo1337
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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I don’t trust people who do acupuncture.

They’re all backstabbers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgitatedUpstairs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Ah, a pun from the past!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/42campaigns
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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No need to worry
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WestHull
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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Chow down on the food that’s served, you’re going to get a good dessert
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πŸ‘€︎ u/91lightning
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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Two generation dad joke

I got a new phone for Christmas today and while playing around with it I misplaced my old phone and couldn't find it anywhere. I asked my dad to call me so I could find it by sound. All of a sudden he starts yelling my name and then shoots me a shit eating grin and says, "what? You told me to call you." But before he even had a chance to laugh at his own joke my grandpa (his dad) yelled across the house, "he wanted someone to call his phone, not him!" Then proceeded to yell, "Phone!!! Phone!! Where are you!?" Then both of them busted out laughing while I sat there still with no phone :(

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ‘€︎ u/bzsteele
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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My dad was supposed to be on one of the planes of 9/11

In my opinion at least

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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What do ISIS and little miss muffet have in common?

They both have Kurds in their way

Credit to /u/MolecularAnthony

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdroitEngineer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2017
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If Rick Perry was president Healthcare would be called Perry Care. If the presidents last name was bear it would be Bear Care.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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My dad was flawless with the execution of this zinger...

Me on the phone with my dad - "I got a cat!"

Dad - "What's it's name?"

Me - "Susan."

Dad - "So it's a girl?"

Me - "Of course...her name's Susan. Do you think I'd name a boy cat Susan?"

Dad - "No...I suppose that if it was a boy, it would B. Anthony."

Good one, Dad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diiiiirty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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What is the name of that crossdressing store at the mall?

Susan B. Anthony

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flame_in_darkness
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2013
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Got a guy my age in math

We are sitting in a group of four, and then the trouble kid, "Anthony" complains.

"Anthony" (obviously distressed) : wow I'm cold -- I'm frozen!

Me : Nice to meet you, cold extends hand for handshake

A: groans I also said I was frozen

M: Last I checked, you're not a Disney movie

Whole table groaned. Except me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattofam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2016
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