Russell Crowe walks into a police station when he hears that a cannibal has devoured his wife.

I'm Gladiator he says!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berkleysquare
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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I was out walking the dogs today, and a friend asked me if they were Jack Russells ?

Nah...they're mine, I said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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You’ll likely get this if you watched Russell Crowe in Master and Commander...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/renoraid
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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In Russell Crowe's new film he stars as a man that ate his wife and is quite pleased with himself in

Glad he ate her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcheckpointeh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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A cannibal took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie

"Gladiator?"

"No I really miss her"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImElyk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Russell Crowe to star in a new film about a cannibalistic husband...

It's called.... Glad He Ate Her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spankyham
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Did you hear about the time Russell Crowe tried cannibalism?

It wasn't for him but he was glad he ate her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RigorousReddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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Walking my two Jack Russell Terriers the other day, and I bump into a guy who asks "Are those Jack Russells?"

"No mate, they're mine."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/threepwood384
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
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What do you call a dog, with no legs?

It doesnt matter, he is not coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bubledor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problems with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about eating the mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AShiggles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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What do you call a man in paper trousers?

Russell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotTheMessiah83
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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A man is walking his dogs and another guy asks β€œexcuse me are they Jack Russels?”

The owner quickly replies, β€œNo, they’re mine!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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what is the best way to compare Russel Crowe's acting to his singing?

less miserable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/readyff
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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How do you know you're about to be ambushed by a crowe?

You'll hear a Russell in the bushes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What did Russel Crowe say after the cannibal ate his wife?

I’m gladiator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InotMeowMeow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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What do you call a guy in a bush?

Russell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Proof-Camel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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If a guy from Holland marries a Filipino will their children be....

Hollapinos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wayne84bruce22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall...

Art.

Two guys with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall? Curt n Rod.

No arms and no legs in a bathtub? Dwayne.

No arms and no legs at your front door? Mat

No arms and no legs and playing in the leaves? Russell

At the city dump? Phil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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If Pretoria had a football team
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zrussell197
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Does the orbit between earth and mars of all teapots that do not contain themselves contain itself?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BossRediter87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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My dad asked if we wanted to see a picture of his pride and joy [x-post /r/funny]

He took this out of his wallet. Apparently he's been caring it around since the 80s: http://imgur.com/ri2NcWR. Making dad jokes before he was even a dad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cali_grown22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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If celebrities were types of wood

Spruce Willis (Bruce Willis)

Matthew Mahogany (Matthew Maconahay? Tell me how to spell it)

Mirk Russel (Kurt Russel)

Clint Oakwood (Clint Eastwood)

Benedict Lumberthatch (Benedict Cumberbatch)

Ashwood Kutcher (Ashton Kutcher)

Birch Reynolds (Bert Reynolds)

Russel Branch (Russel Brand)

Dwayne "The Log" Johnson (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeardyJunior2110
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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What do you call a mean philosopher?

A kant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3Ocelot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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What do you call a man who wears crisp packets as trousers?

Russell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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My kid loves to play with leaves

We called him Russell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckydragon88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

Edit: correct name spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlobbyChong
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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So... A fighter in the coliseum faced a strange challenge...

He was presented a beautiful lady and told he had to kill her with cannibalism. This fighter has a good heart and could never do this, but if he did not oblige than both would die. He beat her to death and fed on the remains. Afterwards, it was revealed that the lady was actually quite evil and murdered children.

The camera pans out, it's Russell Crowe, he is Glad-he-ate-her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddit_Rabit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Back in the nineties, the band Sparks had a Vietnamese booker who wanted them to play a Sinatra tribute show

and when Russell Mael heard of it he asked

"So, Nguyen, do I get to sing My Way?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onechordbassist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Son to Dad: I desperately need some pocket protectors

Dad to Son: Yeah, you and Russell Wilson both

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ideomattic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Walking around the lake with my friends.

Dave: Hold on I have to take a picture of the baby ducks or my wife will kill me.

Russell: Why not just steal a couple and take them home.

Me: That would be a crime most fowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stillbourne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
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What do you call a man hiding in a bush?

Russell

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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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What do you call a bird in a bush making noise?

Russell Crowe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndoredo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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What does Goldie Hawn call her husband when he’s being rudely brief?

Curt Russel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbjectEra
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
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What do you call a man with leaves in his pocket?

Russel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedispatcher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Who do you call a man with plastic bags in his pockets?

Russel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gotu_Jayle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
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Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan ... (xpost /r/vegetarian)

Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan:

Ron Acerous, Sal Amander, Herb Avore, Chic Adee, Al Bacore, Paul R Baer, Al Batros, Wally Bee, Lady Bugg, Jay Byrd, Ann Chovie, Anna Condra, Barry Cuda, Terry Dactyl, Ray N Deer, Flo N Der , Erma Dillo, Ann Enome, Terry Err, Liz Erd, Ann Fibian, Dale Finn, Redd Fox, Buddy Fly, Ken Garoo, Allie Gator, Billy Goat, Pan Guin, Ann Gus, Hal Ibut, Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Anne Kelosaurous, Don Key, Ann T. Lope, Moe Lusk, C. Lyon, Chip Monk, Flo Mingo, Sal Mon, Anna Mull, Barr Nicole, Kay Nine, Kyle Otee, Al Paca, Lia Pard, Millie Pede, Ellie Phant, Arthur Podd, Jack Rabbit, Gerry Raffe, Ty Ranaceourous, Mack Rell, Wally Rus, Jack Russel, Fez Sant, Dina Sauer, Drew Sophila, Chris Station, Hal Steen, Clyde Sudale, Ann Teeter, Pan Ther, Earl Thurfworm, Tara Ann Tula, Bea Tule, Ray Venn, Bea Ver, and Beau Vine.

I couldn't have done it without your support !!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStupidVegNoob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
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What do you call a guy with a paper bag on his head?

Russell.

Which was closely followed up by "What do you call a guy with a number plate on his forehead? - Reg".

Honestly Dad. Really?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neenoonee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Got my brother while walking to the library

My brother and I were walking to the library after I picked him up from school, and some bushes moved a little bit as we passed by them.

Bro: Did you hear that?

Me: Hear what?

Bro: The rustle in the bushes

Me: How did you know his name was Russell?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hex498
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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Was looking through the TV channels with my dad...

And he sees the film "Gladiator" with Russell Crowe is on and he looks at me and goes "Gladiator!! And so was she!!!" Hahahaha I just about fucking died.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsucksvagin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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Was walking my dogs the other day and some man asked me, β€œare those Jack Russells?”

I said, β€œNo, they’re mine”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ur-da
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie.

Gladiator?

No, I really miss her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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I was out walking the dogs this morning and someone asked me if they were jack Russels

And I said β€œNo they’re mine”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Was out walking the dogs and someone asked me if they were Jack Russels

Nah, they're mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natteulven
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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