π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 18 2017
Harris is in what?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11".
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
The campaign to elect Kamala Harris as Vice President
...was the most ex-pence-ive in history.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...
The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
Kamala Harris must be feeling blue
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 04 2019
Harris Teeter yβall
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 29 2019
Dolly Parton has just bought Harris Teeters and Piggly Wiggly, and is merging the two.
She will be renaming it to βBig Wiggly Teetersβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 20 2019
Dolly Parton just bought 3 companies: Big Lots, Piggly Wiggly, and Harris Teeter.
She's going to consolidate them into one company called "Big Wiggly Teeters."
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jun 10 2017
What happened after Harry Potter kissed a pig?
π︎ 41
π
︎ May 21 2021
How did Harry Potter get down the mountain?
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 23 2021
While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad βI wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would beβ as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.
Without skipping a beat he said βWhorelocks.β
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 20 2021
Harry Houdini. Escapegoat.
That's it, there's no more.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 27 2021
What if Harry Potter actually stabbed Voldemort in the end?
Would he be known as The Boy Who Shiv'ed?
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 31 2021
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.
They took one of their prized possessionsβThe Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamondsβto a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 12 2021
What is the best part in all the Harry Potter movies?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 29 2021
Why did Harry Potter get along well with Postmen?
It's because he spoke parcel-tongue.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
Harry Potter was kicked out of Hogwarts.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
Whatβs Harry Potterβs favourite way of coming down a hill? Walking...
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
Where does Harry Potter keep his Gym equipment?
Behind the Dumb-Bell door..
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
βSorry Harry, unfortunately we have to cancel your Vietnamese food deliveryβ
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pho Nix.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 30 2021
What's Harry Potter's favorite broomstick manoever?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 01 2021
What is Harry Potters favorite breakfast?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
I asked my friend to stop making Harry Potter puns and she got really mad
'Siriusly?' she said, 'what is Ron with you?'
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Berty Harry.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Why did Dumbledore almost suck Harry Potter's soul?
Because he was dementor (the mentor).
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
Just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend
Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Dirty Harry.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
What deodorant does Harry Potter wear?
Ex-smelly-arMpits
As inspired by a three year old who couldn't say Expelliarmus - the charm that makes whatever your opponents holding fly out of their hand - usually their wand.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
π︎ 459
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
What do you get when you watch ' you've got mail", " steel magnolias", and " when Harry met sally"?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Why canβt Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate?
π︎ 315
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
All the Harry Potter movies should have been rated R.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
This guy told me he was Harry Potterβs godfather. I thought he was messing with me.
He told me he was Sirius.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
My friend said a show that is about kids that fight fantastical monsters with another kid that has special abilities would never take off in popularity.
But I've seen stranger things.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 26 2021
Bought some discounted Harry Potter DVDs...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
What's Harry Potter's author's favorite way of getting down a hill? Walking.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
What does Harry Truman call cats?
Weapons of mouse destruction.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
π︎ 595
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
It wouldβve been really dark if, when Snape was dying, Harry had said βnow youβre really the half-blood princeβ.
Because he only had half his blood left
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
A harry potter joke.
Student: Ah Sh*t, I used the wrong ingredients...
Horace Slughorn: *gasp* do not use such vial language in this classroom!!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
Harry Potter
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
π︎ 65
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Harry Potter could be a great mafia boss
He always catches the snitch
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 09 2020
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 03 2021
Whatβs Harry Potters favourite way to get down a hill?
Walking? No⦠J.K. Rolling
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 01 2021
How does harry potter get down a hill?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
By walking!.... JK ROLLING!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
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