I got fired from my job as a sports writer, they said all my articles were too short
I guess a pitcher is worth a thousand words.
Why did the author suffer writers block after rectal surgery?
He was left with only a semicolon.
What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?
Why was the writer comfortable in the army?
He was familiar with the magazines.
As an aspiring writer, I always make sure to proofread carefully
Otherwise, I might accidentally some words out
Have you heard about the mystery writer who was a Chubby Checker Fan?
All of his stories had Twist endings.
They should just have been paperback writers.
From The Simpsons S30E03, My Way Or the Highway to Heaven, in which Ned is a trampoline salesman. The Simpsons writers surely love their puns. This is even funnier given Net's straight-laced nature and what the sign unwittingly implies. A classic double entendre.
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.
He said she would be really good at stump speeches.
The headline writer for this article had waited years for this moment. Though it is rumoured his final idea came to him on the tube... bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england…
My son is a very persistent writer.
I have an author you can't refuse.
What can you hear whenever the writer of Futurama tells a dad joke?
Today I learned: The writer Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I’m not joking, but he is.
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to give it an unexpected twist at the end.
This writer had a field day
Why do writers have to tell the truth?
Because if not, they would be called wrongers.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
What do i have in common with movie script writers
99.9% of the things i try to do gets rejected by everyone.
An essay had a picture of a young sheep. Nowhere did the writer cite where he got it from.
Where's the lamb source!?
Why did the writer go into a restricted area?
Because she’s an authorized person
A condition that every writer fears
Why do writers wait for movie end-credits?
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and another to give it a surprising twist at the end.
A writer on The Good Place submitted the following list of restaurant name puns with the script for her episode. It includes gems like "Squab Goals" and "Pie Another Day." twitter.com/meganamram/st…
I went to high school with a Buzzfeed writer, and I remember him offering me $20 to hang out with him and his friends.
Turns out it was Clique bait.
My friend asked “How does it feel being a writer?”
The writer of Harry Potter tripped and fell...
She was J.K. Rowling on the Floor
An ancient Greek playwright was suffering writer’s block. Kept scribbling down lines and then tearing up the pages.
Picking up the torn pages, his friend asked, “Why Euripides?”
I was going through my twitter account, and remembered I write puns when I have writer’s block. Hopefully this counts.
Being a writer is enjoyable...
But the job of editor is more rewording.
What do you call a second-rate writer?
What did Jesus say to the gospel writer?
My dad gave me some advice on writer's block.
"Forcing creative work is like forcing a fart...it will probably come out much worse than you had hoped."
What's a writer's favorite thing to watch on TV?
A writer tells his friend, "I once got fifty dollars a word!"
"I talked back to the judge!"
One of CNN's headline writers is obviously a dad
I sea what you did there!
What do you call a letter that seems to be a submissive writer?
“A” likened sub-scribe
please kill me
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in most of the way and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
Why didn’t the play-writer write in cafe?
He didn’t want to make a scene.
Since writers always congregate at Starbucks,
that makes every street where Starbucks is located a "writers block".
So I went to a writer's contest..
The name of it was "The penultimate challenge".
What makes a great writer tick?
I'm going to hell for that one, huh?