Reviewers werenโt very kind to the new Surface Pro X.
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︎ Apr 20 2020
Tech reviewers are just waiting for Samsung to release a mediocre new Note device just to say "It's not noteworthy"
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︎ Dec 08 2019
My favourite film reviewer is John Williams.
He just loves to score movies
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︎ Feb 26 2020
A doctor is reviewing test results with his patient...
Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.
Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.
Doctor: Actually, it's viral.
Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.
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︎ Mar 16 2021
What do the French do after buying bread?
๐︎ 19
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︎ May 01 2021
Why havenโt aliens visited our Solar System yet?
They looked at the reviews... only 1 star
๐︎ 7k
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︎ Feb 09 2021
My broken down car is haunted by the ghost of a mechanic...
He told me he really wants a pay rise but his supervisor can't review his performance without a working car-boo-rator.
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︎ May 23 2021
Did you hear about Orion's belt?
It was such a big waist of space.
Sorry.. I know terrible joke. You can leave a 3 star review.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Book review: 1 star
I've just finished reading Great Expectations and I have to say I was a little disappointed.
๐︎ 6
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︎ Dec 24 2020
A disgruntled employee of an axe throwing establishment was leaving one-star Yelp reviews
Apparently it was a real hatchet job
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︎ Oct 27 2020
I was asked if I wanted to review my new drop saw.
๐︎ 6
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Bonnie Tyler's new range of biscuits have received good reviews
They're good dunkers, but every now and then they fall apart
๐︎ 5
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
๐︎ 43
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︎ Dec 11 2020
"Do you know what?"
My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...
"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."
"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."
"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"
"The tattoo guy?"
"Biblically."
"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."
"He was the best man at my wedding."
"I think I owe him $20."
"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"
"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"
"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"
๐︎ 10
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︎ Feb 26 2021
"We're here to offer support, not to grill you," they said at my review meeting.
"Like a bra, not a braai"
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Based on true events. I had to stop myself from blurting that out.
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Thanks to u/rumbustiousben for reminding me that not everyone knows what a braai is - it's a barbecue in Afrikaans and commonly used as part of English by South Africans
๐︎ 3
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︎ Sep 02 2020
Informative product review
๐︎ 7k
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︎ Aug 15 2018
Orions belt does not have the best reviews in the universe...
...cause it only has a three star rating!
๐︎ 13
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︎ Jun 04 2020
After getting a lot of negative reviews due to their rather poor string section, the LAPD Police Band decided to lose all the strings from their performances.
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
๐︎ 5
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︎ Aug 22 2020
Thereโs a new Apple service for leaving angry reviews.
๐︎ 324
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︎ Dec 14 2019
Roses are dead, Violets are dead...
๐︎ 23
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︎ Jan 06 2021
So I just got back from watching the new Christopher Nolan movie. Here's my short review..
๐︎ 2
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︎ Sep 02 2020
My gun and vacuum store doesnโt get really good reviews.
It seems to Suck and Blow.
๐︎ 28
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︎ May 04 2020
My dad lost his job at the sausage factory today. They told him at his performance review...
๐︎ 5
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︎ Apr 22 2020
A nuclear power plant put up a new sign outside that read, "Post your positive reviews of us on social media!"
They were just fission for compliments.
๐︎ 6
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︎ Jun 19 2020
i was reading Yelp reviews of local mortuaries
found one that was rated cad-average.
๐︎ 2
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Sitting around watching the birds crowd around the bird feeder,
My brother says, "Someone must have left a good Yelp review."
I said, "Yeah, somebody tweeted about it."
๐︎ 6
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︎ Jan 03 2021
The moment I learned that โphแปโ is actually pronounced โfuh,โ I knew the time was ripe to write a Google review for my all-time favourite phแป restaurant. (I guess this qualifies more as โracy wordplayโ than it does โpunnyโ?)
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︎ Jan 10 2020
I was reading a book on Helium
๐︎ 50
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
๐︎ 15
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︎ Dec 29 2020
I've been in the market for a new whiteboard, but I don't think I can trust the online reviews.
They all say the product is remarkable.
๐︎ 7
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︎ Apr 07 2020
An accountant was under review at his firm
He was asked the value of a dozen dozens, to which he promptly replied "132", instead of 144.
He was fired for gross misrepresentation.
๐︎ 181
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︎ Aug 17 2018
My review for a hotel run by pigs:
Great hogspitality; 5 stars
๐︎ 2
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︎ Feb 29 2020
I have a medical journal joke
But itโs still under review
๐︎ 9
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I think tech YouTubers should be reviewing new shovels when new ones come out.
The technology in those things are ground breaking.
๐︎ 12
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︎ Nov 03 2019
Bill Nye has a daughter who doesn't believe in science.
๐︎ 461
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︎ Nov 28 2019
after the dam failed, the engineer thought he'd lost his job for sure
but at the performance review he was consoled by his boss, "it's all just water under the bridge"
๐︎ 7
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Have you heard about the new movie, "Constipation"?
It's not coming out any time soon but early critics are giving it shit reviews.
๐︎ 23
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Just went to a restaraunt on the moon
Wouldn't go again no atmosphere
๐︎ 9
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︎ Jul 24 2020
What do you call a machine that can read books and make reviews about them, but sadly can only detect red font?
๐︎ 2
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︎ Nov 16 2019
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They looked at the reviews, but we only had one star
๐︎ 20
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star
๐︎ 104
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Why havenโt aliens visited our solar system yet?
They looked at the reviews first...... only 1 star
๐︎ 56
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︎ Sep 20 2020
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