Iβm so glad 2020 is over, but I canβt believe we have to go through it again after 2021...
After all, itβs twenty twenty too
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︎ Dec 31 2020
It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!
...That's capital punishment!
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︎ Dec 14 2020
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: βsir, would you like to go out with the cart?β. To which I replied βoh, no thanks Iβm actually marriedβ. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
If the earth was flat and fish swam over the edge, where would they go?
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︎ Feb 11 2020
I was pulled over with my son in the car for speeding. Got a ticket. Then the officer said Iβm free to go.
I replied βactually it cost me about $80β
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︎ Jul 15 2020
I wanted to go over to my German girlfriend's house at 8:51...
But she said "nein" to nine to nine.
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︎ Jun 10 2020
My friend wanted to go over our act for the variety show...
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︎ Mar 20 2020
Every time we go over a railroad crossing, I tell my kids...
βHey, a train just went by!"
βHow do you know daddy?β
βBecause its tracks are still here!β
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︎ Jul 03 2017
If I go bald, I'm going to get rabbits tattooed all over my head.
Because, from a distance, they'll look like hares.
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︎ Nov 18 2017
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighborβs dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real βpara-docksβ
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︎ Nov 19 2019
Would glass coffins go over well?..
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︎ Nov 24 2019
We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. I proudly proclaimed βUrine luck! There are plenty of places to go at this exit!β Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife.
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︎ Jan 02 2019
This might go over the heads of some of the kids on here (x-post from /r/funny)
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︎ Nov 30 2013
I tried to go on slimshady.com, but it turns out that the US government has taken it over.
They are citing Eminem Domain.
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︎ Jul 11 2019
A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner. The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink. βCoffeeβ growls the wolf. βWaterβ says the fox...
And βPop!β goes the weasel.
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︎ Oct 19 2017
99% of the dad jokes I tell go straight over peoples heads...
I guess that's what comes with being a pilot.
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︎ Mar 09 2019
A large bee hive can have over 10,000 bees. Where do all those bees go to use the bathroom?
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︎ Mar 16 2019
Waitress comes over to see if we are ready to order by saying "Are we good to go here?"
"No, actually we'd like to stay and eat"
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︎ Mar 19 2017
Why did the shopper have to go home after getting into a fight over clothes on Black Friday?
Because she got socked in the face.
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︎ Nov 25 2018
If you're young, this might go over your head
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︎ Jan 17 2018
When Hurricane Harvey hit I made a few jokes that didn't go over well. So for this hurricane, Irma not going to do that.
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︎ Sep 11 2017
βHey how far east did the bunny go? Like somewhere over here?β
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︎ Apr 01 2018
I used to go over to my grandmother's house in the middle of the night and drink earl grey with her. It was our ritual. I called this evening out of habit, forgetting she had passed away, and her ghost answered.
I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.
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︎ Oct 31 2015
Where did the dog go to get over his Milkbone addiction?
To the treat-ment center.
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︎ Jan 17 2017
I'm going to design decorative sleeves that go over women's handbags and call them...
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︎ Nov 02 2014
Every time I go to the airport with my family, I am filled with fear over how my dad will respond to this sign
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︎ Nov 24 2013
Italian Dad Joke doesn't go over well.
http://i.imgur.com/ISSGg9J.jpg
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︎ Dec 29 2013
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