I’m so glad 2020 is over, but I can’t believe we have to go through it again after 2021...
After all, it’s twenty twenty too
It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!
...That's capital punishment!
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
If the earth was flat and fish swam over the edge, where would they go?
Trouter space
I was pulled over with my son in the car for speeding. Got a ticket. Then the officer said I’m free to go.
I replied “actually it cost me about $80”
I wanted to go over to my German girlfriend's house at 8:51...
But she said "nein" to nine to nine.
My friend wanted to go over our act for the variety show...
He said, "let's revue."
Every time we go over a railroad crossing, I tell my kids...
“Hey, a train just went by!"
“How do you know daddy?”
“Because its tracks are still here!”
If I go bald, I'm going to get rabbits tattooed all over my head.
Because, from a distance, they'll look like hares.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Would glass coffins go over well?..
Remains to be seen.
We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. I proudly proclaimed ‘Urine luck! There are plenty of places to go at this exit!’ Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife.
This might go over the heads of some of the kids on here (x-post from /r/funny)
I tried to go on slimshady.com, but it turns out that the US government has taken it over.
They are citing Eminem Domain.
A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner. The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink. “Coffee” growls the wolf. “Water” says the fox...
And “Pop!” goes the weasel.
99% of the dad jokes I tell go straight over peoples heads...
I guess that's what comes with being a pilot.
A large bee hive can have over 10,000 bees. Where do all those bees go to use the bathroom?
The BP station.
Waitress comes over to see if we are ready to order by saying "Are we good to go here?"
"No, actually we'd like to stay and eat"
Why did the shopper have to go home after getting into a fight over clothes on Black Friday?
Because she got socked in the face.
If you're young, this might go over your head
When Hurricane Harvey hit I made a few jokes that didn't go over well. So for this hurricane, Irma not going to do that.
“Hey how far east did the bunny go? Like somewhere over here?”
“Nah man, easter”
I used to go over to my grandmother's house in the middle of the night and drink earl grey with her. It was our ritual. I called this evening out of habit, forgetting she had passed away, and her ghost answered.
I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.
Where did the dog go to get over his Milkbone addiction?
To the treat-ment center.
I'm going to design decorative sleeves that go over women's handbags and call them...
... Hot Purse Suits
Every time I go to the airport with my family, I am filled with fear over how my dad will respond to this sign
Italian Dad Joke doesn't go over well.
http://i.imgur.com/ISSGg9J.jpg
