My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"

1

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
How do you check if a sniper loves you?

He misses you.

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moonie-me
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Check this guys comics
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanCoil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
This morning, I told my Australian friend that the store was having a sale, and that he should check it out. He looked up at me, took out his earphones and said...

"Good I might"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
A gardener said, "I just finished producing some beets, who wants to check them out?"

The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lela_chan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stunner19
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Repluse
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote β€œAnt” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.

You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vtfb79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
Check out my
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SameNameAsBefore
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
It's always important to do an operational check of your tools.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buwaro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
I keep hearing Mission Control check in with Dragon Crew, asking "How do you read, over."

And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over." I wonder how many times before they airlock me.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Fact check
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A new zoo opened in town. I went to check it out, but the first and only thing that they had was a single dog in a cage.

It was a shit zoo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brooke_pollockkk
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is a farmer, I asked him what he spent his stimulus check on

He said he bought baby chickens with it. The farmer got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Divine_Squire
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Hey guys, check this one out

1

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brosthetic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Last night at the ATM, An old lady asked me to help check her balance

So i pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
When you work with computers, you should regularly check their storage management.

It's pretty easy and it won't hurt one bit.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinK15
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
My farmer friend used his stimulus check to buy new baby chickens.

He got his money for nothin, and his chicks for free

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey, check out my new Bosch dishwasher
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
Photon checks into a hotel. Bellhop asks, β€œDo you have any luggage?”

Photon replies, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to check the kale because it...

Looked a little iffy. She said "check it yourself, if its gross, dont use it." I said "i'd prefer you check it, I'm not a very good judge of kaleactor". She didnt even laugh or even snicker. Just an eye roll. This may have been my best pun in all of my fatherhood. Please tell me how awesome this pun was because, frankly, it's a killer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charlesunit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
A little old lady at the ATM asked me to help check her balance.

All it took was one good shove to tell it was terrible.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Why can't you sign a check outside?

Because you have to endorse.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Why do vultures never check their luggage?

They only own carrions

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cullenscottt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided that with my stimulus check I’m going to buy a hat, then a shirt, and lastly some pants.

Top down economic stimulation.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breaking_linus77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Check out the Chrome Wheels from Google.
πŸ‘︎ 330
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/link619
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
I had to check my pee if i was healthy

It was unclear.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notsafeforh0me
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
Check out my new dutch oven!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NnyBees
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
I had to go to a specialist to check out my bladder. The guy I saw was frickin jacked and kept warning me not to forget an umbrella.

I was like what are you some kinda meaty urologist?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WheelyMac
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Come check out my organic bakery

really dough

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oddular
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.

Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
*tap tap* Mic check
πŸ‘︎ 296
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BassheadGamer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walked into the bank and asked the teller to check his balance.

So she pushed him.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
A patient goes to the doctor for a check up

The doctor says " i think i know whats wrong here, your DNA is backwards."

The patient then replies "AND?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Check!
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trojanpun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman at the bank today asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hurrikayne53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
When I was training to be a teller, an old woman came in and asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/British-Mystery
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Gotta check the pokedex for that one damn.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gloomy_ZepCloud
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Ok...Milk..Check. Eggs...Check...! Tomatoes...Check!

Sir, can you please stop writing checks for every single item?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Check Out These Fly Kicks
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewzrrr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s international sound check day

1 2 1 2

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beefy_storms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Check out the battle scar on my arm. Made from scratch.
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Name checks out
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Check out my raw kicks
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rotten_tomato69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My kid just got fired from his coat check job.

He couldn’t get the hang of it.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided to check the ancestry of my retriever dog

I'm waiting on the lab results!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/telxonhacker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
[grocery store] Ok, milk...check, eggs...check, tomatoes...check.

β€œSir, please stop writing separate checks for every single item.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank an old lady asked me to help her check her balance

So i pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoNamesLeftPL
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I got stopped for routine check at the airport

turns out my daily routine is more productive than others

Edit: thanks cappuch for better punchline and constructive criticism

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ro-B0t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Check hairlines
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KillmongerXX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I decided to check my balance at the bank today.

Turns out I have an inner ear infection.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhodesrugger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Check the subreddit
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spidergoat9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, I fell down and hurt my knee. As I sat there crying, my father came over to check on me.

Dad pointed to a red area near the top of my knee that was obviously the injury and said β€œwhere does it hurt? Is it your high knee, (then he points much lower) or your low knee?”

I respond, β€œit’s my high knee.”

Dad says, β€œit’s your heinie??! I thought you hurt your knee!”

I remember being furious. I have now pulled this one on my five year old, and I can’t wait until my one year old is old enough to be on the receiving end of it as well.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikehocksbig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
R: "Batman, the batmobile is making a clicking sound and won't start." BM: "Check the battery."

R: "What's a tery?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A pod of porpoises moved into the harbor near my town. So, me and my friends decided to go camping on the beach to check it out. We brought beer for us and some raw fish to feed the pod. Everybody had a great time. You could say it was a party

for all in tents and porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a girl check me out yesterday!

She was hot but I didn't catch her signal until it was too late when she handed me my receipt and said "Have a nice day".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Check yourself out before you check out (credit to u/sptsd)
πŸ‘︎ 261
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XNbak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
At my funeral check my pockets.

I might still have your lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
An elderly woman at the bank today told me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GayBookBoy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at the bank the other day and this old lady told me to check her balance...

So I pushed her.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Organic_Bleach_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Check your self before you shreck your self (xpost /r/goodfaketexts)
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
An old woman at the ATM asked if I could help her check her balance.

I pushed her and she fell over.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why to vultures never check any bags before a flight?

They are carryon birds.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Walked up to the receptionist at the clinic today to check in for my appointment. She asked: Which Doctor?

I said, no - the normal doctor.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bassicallybob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. If you don't get it look up "panda" in the dictionary ...

"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."


Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:

"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/istrebitjel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a woman who said to check her balance, I paused and wondered why she asked that but I checked her balance with a push and she tumbled to the ground. I shruged, got my bank statement and left the bank.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/datboiJR
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Check
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BIgbluetootoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Australian chess players would have difficulty playing chess because it'd be very confusing to figure out if it's a check mate or a checkmate.

Posted this on Showerthoughts thought It'd be more appropriate here.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sangeemangee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at an ATM and an old lady asked if I could help check her balance..

So I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imakehamforalivin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Check out this handful of doe
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePaulHammer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
While working at the bank today, an old lady asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in Bangkok with my wife recently. I suggested we check out one of the many temples.

She said β€œwat pho?”

And I said β€œidk just to get a little culture?”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsnotnotme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend loves puns and I told her to come check out this page. She kept telling me she couldn’t find it....
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdiddy1026
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m postponing my vision check-up till next year. (I’m told it will be 2020 by then)
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vsshankar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
As a single Dad, I tried flirting with the check-in girl at the airport while loading my kids' suitcases.

But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditAndWept-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife Dadjoked My Son - May Need To Check Her For A Penis

Wife made son(14) breakfast today. He said, "Mom, my eggs are shaped like Australia." Wife responded, "It's a continental breakfast, son."

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imdickie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time the the waitress asks if we'd like the check.

"Sure, make it out to 'Dad'."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alex_Hurt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Darn spell check
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cparara1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A photon checks into a hotel...

The bellhop asks, "sir, do you have any luggage?" The photon respons, "No, I'm travelling light".

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1_h473_l337_5p34k
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
It checks out.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
An old lady in bank asked me if I can check her balance

so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superputindoge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smith_gt3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
[Grocery store] Ok. Milk..check! Eggs....Check! Tomatoes... Check!

Cashier: Sir, can you please stop writing checks for every single item?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobobu2004
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatsorcerer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.