How do you stop a fight between two blind people?
Say "I bet $10 on the one with the knife", and both will run away
I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
My wife got mad at me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I’m a Believer” by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to “Don’t Stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
My wife asked me to stop making so many Nazi jokes
Why did I stop and take a shot of vodka when I was running late to work?
That's what I do when I'm Russian
What do you call it when a 40 y/o woman wants to stop delivering babies for a living?
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads?
My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
Why did the fishes radio stop working?
My wife begged me to stop singing Wonderwall to her.
My friend has been going on and on at me to stop doing flamingo impressions.
In the end, I had to put my foot down.
I've been trying to lose weight lately. I spent the last hour running around the cemetery but I had to stop because my arm and chest were really hurting...
I'm feeling dead tired now, I really hope they have a good resting place.
My Wife said she would leave me if I didn’t stop singing songs by the Monkees, I thought she was joking
I can't stop climbing up through the garage to the roof...
I saw a cow today that wouldn’t stop smiling
I guess he was just in a good mood
A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.
"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"
"Why?" the boy replied.
"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"
The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."
What do you call a murderer that can't stop farting?
I saw a horror movie about people you could not stop sneezing until they died.
It's based on achoo story.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster that just got a boob job?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
What type of insect can't stop vomiting?
I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits
A person sees someone walking in the street without a mask. Frustrated, he goes up to him, stops at two meters away and angrily mutters through his mask,
"People like you make me sick!".
So apparently when you die, the last part of your body that stops working is your pupils..
It’s because they di-late
I can't stop singing Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin songs...
I think I've got the crooner virus.
My kids told me I've really got stop making bad dad jokes.
They always got to spoil my pun
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal.
I keep seeing the same joke that it takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh. Can we stop with the harassing of sea life and just...
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
A bee that won't stop eating...
.....Will become a little chub-bee.
How does a dog stop a TV show....
I Made this today i think it belongs here I couldn't stop laughing while making it 😂
When I was young I was a graffiti artist and had my name all over the city but as I got older I thought "This has to stop".
"The writing's on the wall."
I decided to stop walking under billboards after one collapsed on top of me.
I took it as a sign from above.
Wife: Dad, stop using the name Peter in the place of Penis. One day the kids will meet a kid named Peter.
Me (husband): I agree. This should be kept private.
Wife: groan...
How do you stop a mouse from squeaking ?
Like anything else, cover it in oil.
People tell me to stop already with the dad jokes
I had to stop a candy thief today.
He was getting back to his old Twix.
My wife and I got into a heated argument where she told me I had to stop pretending to be a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
How do you stop a fight between 2 blind people
just say i bet 20 dollars on the dude with a knife . both ran away ..
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo...
I had to put my foot down.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
My wife told me to stop singing “I’m a believer” because it’s annoying. At first I thought she was kidding...
My wife asked me to stop singing "Wonderwall" to her
I can't stop singing Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra songs.
I think I have croonervirus
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
