I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it's terminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_dan17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge

But I just can’t quit cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister asked me to stop singing β€œWonderwall”

I said maybe

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing β€œDon’t stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

I think it may be terminal

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,

I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototype273
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the man stop buying birds?

They were going cheep

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy.

Either way, the silver bullets worked.

πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said "will you stop pretending to be a flamingo"

Sorry, but I had to put my foot down with that one.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stalnoypirat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Stop scrolling and paws to look at this pun.
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
This is NOT a repost stop saying it is
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oliv071b
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I can stop
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverBlueWolfey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said I need to stop taking things too literally

I asked her, "Who's Literally?"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XenonNade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height

I guess they were critter-sizing me

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine works on an oil field. I had to stop spending time with him..

Because his sense of humor was too crude

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gunsmith123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get a dog to stop

Hit the paws button

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodysdad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Sometimes, I stop and reflect on last year.

As they say, hindsight is 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmacatma
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me if I would ever stop singing Wonderwall

I said maybe

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessConsuela_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when the U.S. Mint stops producing currency?

I don’t know, it makes no sense.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samrf1202
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to stop all my bad habits for the new year

Then I remembered nobody likes a quitter.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scott3109
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?

By sheer will.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....

β€œOfficer, the sign clearly says to β€˜pet area.’”

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey dad, can we stop at the casino at the next exit?

Dad: Sure, why? Son: I need to go to the bathroom and the sign says they have the best craps in the state.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtdisfraction
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did I stop eating German sausages?

They are are the wΓΌrst

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaybeNotYourDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My New year's resolution is to stop binge eating Xmas leftovers...

I'm going to quit cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasthetanker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My New Year’s Resolution this year is to stop second guessing everything.

Wait, is that even a good enough resolution? Idk

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salvedavus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My family asked me to stop telling them Thanksgiving jokes

But I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Guys stop making jokes about bass

Seriously just drop it

im sorry u read this

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comsicwastaken
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop cross dressing.

So I packed her things and left.

πŸ‘︎ 597
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dm-me-potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who can't stop stealing kitchen supplies?

A whisk taker

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to stop singing "Wonderwall" to her

I said maybe.......

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/donkey_Dealer08
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: When will you stop procrastinating everything?

Re: Oh, just you wait...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Autistic_Spoon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Jesus stop selling items at auction?

He couldn’t make a Prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I couldn't stop making jokes about seaweed

. . . I couldn't Kelp myself

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilweasel72
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Stop calling it dressing, you don’t wear it. It’s stuffing.

Because you’re stuffing your face with it since you know you won’t see it again until next Thanksgiving.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Had the wife stop the movie to watch a quick clip. After she sat down I told her" You could cut the dogs feet off".

She said "I don't understand.....".

I said " UN-PAUSE".

I had to explain it to her...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJJoyce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who couldn’t stop making pony noises?

His voice is a little horse now.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Been meaning stop here for breakfast...everyone says I have to try their gloryholes.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bozo_dubbed_over
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean!

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatypusPajamas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
ZZ Stop
πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5_Frog_Margin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
When does a adult know it’s time to stop parting and drinking?

When it becomes a parent

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolme07
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
People keep telling me to stop putting up walls

So I got real defensive

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Found a way to stop my dog from barking in the front garden....

I put it in the back garden.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Stop talking in sleep
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomatosavergirl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo

I had to put my foot down

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfcoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to β€œDon’t stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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