How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?

Take away its tiny brooms 🧹

πŸ‘︎ 325
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tthrivi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
I said to my mate, "I can't stop buying Beatles records..

He said "You need help."

"I've got that one." I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
No-drink can stop us now
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whyizitwet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
This guy almost made me stop hating Comcast (very, very briefly)
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Stop saying ''my tank is unable to fire''. Instead say: ''my tank is suffering from projectile dysfunction''.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tj0rv3n
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
Stop! You're under a rest!!
πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xhas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

Wife: "Whatever means necessary,"

Me: "No it doesn't”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
How did the Norse god know when it was time to stop lifting weights?

He was Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
You need to stop talking to me about vegetables.

I just don’t carrot all.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yurpy_Snog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
Can't stop The Doors unless?
πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kurotech
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
A Police Officer pulls over a Miner at a Traffic Stop

Officer: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?

Miner: "Mine."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IS3OO
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
Wow stop the racism
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lliH-knaH
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk I have a work station...

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2shoesnotfellows
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend told me she would to leave if I didn’t stop quoting Micheal Jackson songs.

I told her to beat it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vadersdrycleaner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
I’m sorry I can’t stop making jokes about denim

It’s in my jenes

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Paradigm_Shiftz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
How to stop a cringey youtuber from singing?

Antialiasing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alanotics2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making Shrek puns

So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSpicyBunghole
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
I can't stop thinking about that one Gnarls Barkley song...

Does that make me crazy?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
I told my kid to stop playing Russian roulette. But you know it is with kids,

in one ear, out the other!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo..

So I had to put my foot down

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatPaddyHaugen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
My roommate is getting annoyed because I won't stop my flamingo impression.

So I've had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
What kind of letter does a lawyer send a chemist he wants to stop doing something?

A cesium and desist letter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
I can't stop thinking about rocket engines.

They are so uplifting.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatGreenGobbo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x

She has obviously moved on already, and you should, too

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeyboi12345
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
This dog won't stop leaving me alone
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tristan_2032
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
I can't stop laughing about the NHL's newest franchise

It's Kraken me up

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Eat a garlic clove with every meal to stop the Coronavirus

It won't do anything to protect you from getting sick, but people will stay six feet away

πŸ‘︎ 166
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amnesiajune
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
How do you stop a runny nose?

You break it's legs

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
My wife said she wants me to stop listening to Wonderwall…

I SAID MAYBEEEE!!

πŸ‘︎ 164
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/this_onekid
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I seriously have to stop dropping things.

It’s really been getting out of hand.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
When you see a person person at the bus stop with no arms and legs don’t start a conversation with...

β€œHi, how are you getting on?”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
I've got a puppy that's quite smart, but won't stop chewing on everything

So I named him gnaw-it-all

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
I can’t even stop that pointy eared tree mouse from stealing my food

It’s safe to say I hate mice elf

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jcbrnld
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
Dad: Why did you stop eating mango?

Feminist daughter: It's mango not womango.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Couldn’t stop laughing!
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UltraVioletWon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Stop crying-sis
πŸ‘︎ 267
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prabeshdai13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed with a condition where I can't stop making airport jokes.

The doctor said it was terminal

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Popular333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
Why could the toilet paper not stop?

Because it was on a role...

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 3D video call that won’t stop screaming?

A hollergram

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexOfTheEarth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
My son comes up to me today and tells me he’s gay. My wife tried to stop me but I couldn’t stop myself shouting at him.

Hi gay I’m dad. I just get so excited at every oppertunity to say it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AWilfred11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to stop singing β€œWonderwall” to her.

I said maybe-

πŸ‘︎ 309
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
I was going to stop but I got carriaged away.
πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
What did the stop light say to the car?

Stop! Don't look, I'm changing!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phiarmage
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Can we stop circulating the same jokes over and over into the ground.

It's boring.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kellzone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
9/10 people addicted to breaker fluid can't stop.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScenicFlyer41
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad how he managed to stop a bad trip.

He said "Tums"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the rooster stop laying eggs?

Too many dad yolks

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SomethingOrigin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
How does a dog stop a video?

By hitting the paws button!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me

so I asked him to leave me a loan.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Oh dad stop it
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad stop a minute somethings in my shoe

Yeah your foot

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBeansCar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.

At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chiriboy
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I can’t stop thinking about monorails

I must have a one track mind

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CYBERSson
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
So there was a protest the other day. Someone told a joke, and nobody could stop laughing. It was a riot.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.

It was touch and go from there on.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
Why did the apple stop looking for his banana friend?

It was a fruit-less search

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Benams5211
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Hey everyone, thanks for keeping this community awesome, but due to several reasons, I've decided to stop making dad jokes, here's why

Why

πŸ‘︎ 391
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinayjrao
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
My friend told me to stop singing I’m a believer and I thought she was joking

But then I saw her face

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghastbuster95
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?

He had a coughing fit.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunytou
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me to stop singing Wonderwall

I said, "Maybe".

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/x_psyduck_x
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I knew a Korean guy who would never stop his car

His name was Noh Pahk Ing

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I can't stop looking up word definitions

I need some help with my addictionary

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uniformbreak320
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Stop you're under a rest!
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/micah_amerson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Why did Barty Crouch JR stop drinking? /r/harrypotter/comments/h…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarmoonEater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
My dad told me to stop making tree puns.

But he's not the balsa me.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Why did Amazon stop selling linguine?

It was pasta its Prime

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
My son has had enough of my jokes. He said, β€œDad, stop joking around!”

I said, β€œOkay son, I will joke within.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Stop it with the blind jokes...

I don’t see the point.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
I was wrestling with my 7 yr old just now and introduced him to "stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."

I feel that i have passed the tradition down yet another generation. Im going to live forever!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I used to be addicted to brake fluid and couldn't stop. It was a gateway, driving me to power steering fluid.

...I have to find a way to turn my life around before I start hitting the transmission fluid. That would shift my addiction into high gear.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils because they dilate...

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
A friend didn't want to stop telling me all about his philosophical ideas.

So I told him to stop being such a Kant!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elendS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Stop beaching around!
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arihant100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
My friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Legitimate-Hair
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing β€œI'm a Believer”..

Then I saw her face...

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the Average African Leopard can jump higher than a stop sign?

This is because as far as I know stop signs can’t jump.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Cyberostrich_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards had a huge falling out because Mick wouldn't stop speaking in broken Spanish?

When asked about it in an interview, Mick confirmed that "The Rolling Stones gather no mas"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_robototoro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't stop talking in clickbait.

What happened next will shock you!

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jradio610
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Stop!
πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Why did the man stop eating clocks?

Because it was too time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when your lizard stops working?

A reptile disfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDDDouble
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bumblebee tell the other bees to stop loitering around his store?

Because it was bad for buzzness...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpweidemoyer
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
How do you reprimand someone who won't stop making wordplay jokes?

You pun-ish them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asterisk49
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I told my friend to stop drinking beer.

I caught him drinking yesterday! I guess he was none the Budweiser...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kranchers
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
My wife wants me to stop making brats and do chicken parm or something

I told her if she can't handle me at my wurst she doesn't deserve me at my breast

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop singing Wonderwall

I said maybe.

πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFlammkuchen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
How do you tell a communist to stop being rude?

Cease the means.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trevpidation
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
I keep telling my wife to stop buying peeling masks

It’s just a rip off

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swetiger
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
I thought this was appropriate given our current circumstances. One of those jokes that makes you stop and chuckle.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winberry5253
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
People named Fred should really stop beeing selfish at their jobs. Just give fred an "I" and he might get fired...
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ek7a
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
One of my favourite dad jokes from the early 00’s: In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu

President Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop behaving like a flamingo.

That's when I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't stop looking up word definitions

I need some help with my addictionary

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uniformbreak320
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer"...

Then I saw her face!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edotri
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report

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