A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Weird film trivia: I just found out that Thandie Newton's character from Mission: Impossible 2 was originally going to appear in Goldeneye, but her part was cut when they decided to film in Russia.
"Son, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."
"Was it something I said?"
"YES!!"
Why has Cinderella been cut from every team she tried out for?
She kept running away from the ball.
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
Cardboard cut out puns
Fathers day dinner tonight for my dad and my sister and family can't be there because of travel restrictions. I've organised life size cardboard cut outs of them and had my sister record a few dad jokes/puns. But I need help coming up with more ... the best, worst and cringiest are all welcome!
So far I have..
"I'm feeling a little flat"
"I'm board ... cardboard"
"You'd think my ears are painted on, You'll have to speak up"
"Can you believe someone told me I had the personality of cardboard"
I wasn't cut out to be a waiter....
I figured out the best way to cut carbs!
This jerk in an expensive vehicle cut me off and expected me to get out of his way.
Ambulances, I can't stand them.
I need to cut these nails, they are getting out of hand
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking
A customer ordered a foot long cold cut trio and I completely zoned out and accidentally made him a 6" meatball.
Girlfriend asked how I cut my chin as I walked out of the bathroom this morning. Come on.. what is the simplest explanation?
I cut myself shaving
With occam's razor!
A professional hole puncher has their work cut out for them.
My instructor doesn’t think I’m cut out to be a mime.
It must have been something I said.
Are those cut out lungs? Or did they fool us with stake?
On mobile the r/perfect loops suggestion showed a wheel of ck that rotated between o and i. It said ick ock ick ock…obviously the T was cut off from the top. But watching it with out the the T made me think of Wild Bill
The doctor told me that I would have to get my younger cut out if I wanted to live.
If I was cut in half and thrown out of a plane, You could say...
A hippy was working in a cake shop and decided he wanted to cut out the middle man
And so was invented the donut
Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."
The second doctor responds, "Suture self."
I took out a loan with a bank who cut off your limbs if you didn’t meet the payments
Cost me an arm and a leg to keep up with their interest rates
"Im just not cut out for this anymore"
Why did the neat-freak tree cry out when his friend got cut down?
Did you hear about the lumberjack who ran out of trees to cut?
My neighbors tree can't figure out why he is getting cut down.
Whenever I get poor service at restaurant I take the server out back and cut off the ends of their fingers.
A harsh thing to do, I know, but by the end of the night they don't have any tips.
"Son you're just not cut out to be a mime."
"Is it something I said?"
"Yes."
“Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime."
He replied, “Is it something I said?”
“Yes.”
I said to my son today, “Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime artist.”
He said, “Is it something I said?”
I said, “Yes.”
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
