I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what sheβs up to now.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
I received a break-up note from a quarter.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
Why did the girl break up with a guy who paid for everything with ten dollar bills?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
Why did the ice cream sundae break up?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, Iβm sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
π︎ 226
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
I used to date three coconuts but had to break up with them
They were a little shy for my liking
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
why did the magician's girlfriend break up with him?
Cause he never revealed any of his secrets.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Why did the fish break up with his shrimp gf?
He just thought she was a little shellfish.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend
Love meant nothing to her.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Oct 24 2019
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?
Because she took him for granite.
π︎ 135
π
︎ May 25 2020
How does mario break up with peach
Itβs not you, itβs a me mario
π︎ 32
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: βUgh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.β
βThat was pepper spray.β
Got me!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
Why did the Muslim girl break up with her boyfriend?
He gave her a French kiss.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
Why did she break up with the staunch republican?
Because he had to be always right.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
Her: I think we need to break up. Iβm sick of your addiction to Burger King.
Me: Fine. Have it your way.
π︎ 190
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?
Because he didnβt collar.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
I was racking up to play pool with my son, and he said, βDo you wanna break?β
I said, βWe havenβt even started. How lazy are you?β
π︎ 69
π
︎ May 14 2020
I hope she doesnt break up w me
π︎ 232
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
How do you break up a fight between two blind men?
Yell βMy moneyβs on the one with the knife!β
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 25 2017
Break-up Madlad
π︎ 35
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
There is a punk-metal band called Pangea what is it called when the band breaks up?
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 05 2020
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
They had no chemistry π₯Ί
π︎ 57
π
︎ Dec 16 2019
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
why did princess jasmine break up with aladdin?
Because the things he said werenβt aladdin up
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
A proton and neutron break up...
An electron walks up to the proton and says, βHey! Stay positive!β
π︎ 41
π
︎ Apr 26 2019
Why did the stars who had been together forever finally decide to break up?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 06 2019
Why did the dust pan break up with the broom?
Because it was sweeping around
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 14 2019
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jul 05 2019
Q: Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 05 2019
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 04 2019
"How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process"
Step 1: take off your glasses
Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 02 2019
Why did the garden tools break up?
Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.
π︎ 28
π
︎ May 08 2019
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 15 2019
I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident...
Because I'm lack-toes intolerant.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Dec 13 2018
Why did the boy telephone and the girl telephone break up?
There was just no connection...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 12 2019
I think my girlfriend might break up with me.
Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 13 2015
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because of my obsession over the Monkees. I thought she was kidding...
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 02 2019
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
[At the restaurant] Her: I want to break up. For starters, Iβm sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
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