[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Why did the fish break up with his shrimp gf?
He just thought she was a little shellfish.
Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?
He brought tension to the relationship
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?
Because she took him for granite.
Why did she break up with the staunch republican?
Because he had to be always right.
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?
Because he didn’t collar.
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
There is a punk-metal band called Pangea what is it called when the band breaks up?
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He just needed some space.
Why did the stars who had been together forever finally decide to break up?
Q: Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
Why did the dust pan break up with the broom?
Because it was sweeping around
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
Why did the boy telephone and the girl telephone break up?
There was just no connection...
Why did the garden tools break up?
Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because of my obsession over the Monkees. I thought she was kidding...
I was just racking up my first game of pool when the opponent said, "Do you wanna break?"
I said, "Not yet, we've only just started"
Why did the male giraffe break up with his girlfriend?
Because she was a cheetah.
What did the banker break up with his girlfriend after she demanded that he forgive her loan?...
He lost interest
Edit: *Why
Why did the spider break up with her partner?
She found a string that wasn't hers.
There was a prison break and saw a midget climb up the fence and give me a nasty look
And I thought to myself “that was a little condescending”
Why did the Spice Girls break up?
They couldn't find any Cumin, Ground.
Why did the girl ghost break up with her boyfriend?
He kept booooooootycalling her.
The cheesecake was picking on the cookies. The pie came over to break it up.
And said “Hey! Why don’t you Pecan someone your own size!”
Why did the Beaver break up with his gf?
Because he's in love with some otter girl
Why did the man break up with his Eskimo girlfriend?
Eh, he just wasn't that Inuit.
Why did the piece of wood break up with the hammer?
Because he was nailing other boards.
Yesterday, as I brought in the dogs from a potty break in our Minnesota backyard before we went to the grocery store, my wife asked me to reminder her to pick up some frozen peas. I told her..
..."The backyard is full of them, we don't need any more!"
How did the mustard begin her break up letter to her husband?
How did the Italian chef break up with his girlfriend?
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, "Well, that's a little condescending."
9gag.com/gag/aBQVAjQ
Why did the house break up with the chimney?
Because he smokes too much!
[At the restaurant] Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend?
He started losing interest
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me.
I thought, well that's a little condescending.
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