Why did the fish break up with his shrimp gf?

He just thought she was a little shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baronvb1123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me 5 years ago, and today I asked to break up...

When she left, she gave back the $100 exactly. I lost interest in that relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 505
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TitchBits0019
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?

Liam Malone

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?

He brought tension to the relationship

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AceMcSqueezy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
[At the restaurant] Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: β€œUgh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”

β€œThat was pepper spray.”

Got me!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gorescittmore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How does mario break up with peach

It’s not you, it’s a me mario

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucas_Kik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?

Because she took him for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saltyquill
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did she break up with the staunch republican?

Because he had to be always right.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Molsen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?

Because he didn’t collar.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noreason13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend

Love meant nothing to her.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/milkchaser
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?

He was taken for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I was racking up to play pool with my son, and he said, β€œDo you wanna break?”

I said, β€œWe haven’t even started. How lazy are you?”

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: I think we need to break up. I’m sick of your addiction to Burger King.

Me: Fine. Have it your way.

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I hope she doesnt break up w me
πŸ‘︎ 233
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chaosoneby
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a punk-metal band called Pangea what is it called when the band breaks up?

Continental Drift.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DudeWithRedditAcc
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you break up a fight between two blind men?

Yell β€œMy money’s on the one with the knife!”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grouchyjarhead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Break-up Madlad
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/White0101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?

They had no chemistry πŸ₯Ί

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/x_graveyard152
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...

I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/knoxollo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:

;

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

He just needed some space.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the stars who had been together forever finally decide to break up?

They needed their space.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
why did princess jasmine break up with aladdin?

Because the things he said weren’t aladdin up

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grimace1542
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Q: Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?

A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abhilegend
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the dust pan break up with the broom?

Because it was sweeping around

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacobt380
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.

Or worse, that it might not.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A proton and neutron break up...

An electron walks up to the proton and says, β€œHey! Stay positive!”

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Munk-the-Man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.

I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kalibabka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the boy telephone and the girl telephone break up?

There was just no connection...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaymantheLegend
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the garden tools break up?

Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mt105
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
"How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process"

Step 1: take off your glasses

Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GalaHunterX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident...

Because I'm lack-toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyto_tenebricosa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because of my obsession over the Monkees. I thought she was kidding...

And then I saw her face

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was just racking up my first game of pool when the opponent said, "Do you wanna break?"

I said, "Not yet, we've only just started"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the male giraffe break up with his girlfriend?

Because she was a cheetah.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Keychain33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the banker break up with his girlfriend after she demanded that he forgive her loan?...

He lost interest

Edit: *Why

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vladipus222
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If you break up with your girlfriend over her dental work, dies it mean you are bracist?

Posted this poorly this morning. It may be trash, but I think it is original.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ishkunfana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when Lithium tried to break up a fight between Sodium and Chloride?

They were charged with Assault and Battery.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my girlfriend might break up with me.

Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/koreanpopstarrain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
🚨︎ report
What happens when a group of musicians break up?

They disband.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TDowhan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the spider break up with her partner?

She found a string that wasn't hers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?

Liam Malone

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.