I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
I received a break-up note from a quarter.
Why did the girl break up with a guy who paid for everything with ten dollar bills?
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Why did the ice cream sundae break up?
why did the magician's girlfriend break up with him?
Cause he never revealed any of his secrets.
Why did the fish break up with his shrimp gf?
He just thought she was a little shellfish.
I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend
Love meant nothing to her.
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?
Because she took him for granite.
How does mario break up with peach
It’s not you, it’s a me mario
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: “Ugh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”
“That was pepper spray.”
Got me!
Why did she break up with the staunch republican?
Because he had to be always right.
Her: I think we need to break up. I’m sick of your addiction to Burger King.
Me: Fine. Have it your way.
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?
Because he didn’t collar.
I was racking up to play pool with my son, and he said, “Do you wanna break?”
I said, “We haven’t even started. How lazy are you?”
I hope she doesnt break up w me
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
How do you break up a fight between two blind men?
Yell “My money’s on the one with the knife!”
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
There is a punk-metal band called Pangea what is it called when the band breaks up?
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
why did princess jasmine break up with aladdin?
Because the things he said weren’t aladdin up
A proton and neutron break up...
An electron walks up to the proton and says, “Hey! Stay positive!”
Why did the stars who had been together forever finally decide to break up?
Why did the dust pan break up with the broom?
Because it was sweeping around
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
Q: Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
"How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process"
Step 1: take off your glasses
Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'
Why did the garden tools break up?
Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident...
Because I'm lack-toes intolerant.
Why did the boy telephone and the girl telephone break up?
There was just no connection...
I think my girlfriend might break up with me.
Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because of my obsession over the Monkees. I thought she was kidding...
Why did the male giraffe break up with his girlfriend?
Because she was a cheetah.
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
[At the restaurant] Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
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