My wife and I crack each other's backs every morning

It's a joint effort

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NunYaBizzNas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
If plumbers have plumbers crack what do construction workers have?

Asphalt (My dads been telling this one since I was 12, never heard it anywhere else πŸ˜‚)

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterGriimm
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Really cracks me up
πŸ‘︎ 414
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NicholasP993
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Sounds like a joke my dad would crack at the dinner table. /r/3amjokes/comments/fzt6…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugglez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Let’s start this off by breaking the ice. It’s a slippery subject, but I know we can crack it!
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoFish484
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
I can’t bake a pun that’ll crack you up because they’re all scrambled in my head

I’m such a egghead

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashgallade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.

She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Thermite be another way to crack this safe.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supguyyo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My son has been throwing paper darts around and a big one got stuck in my butt crack

To be honest it’s a massive plane in the arse

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
I say this anytime someone says, β€œThat cracks me up!”

β€œGood thing you’re not an egg!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cactiscandy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I just fixed the cracks in the wall...

...it looks spack-tacular.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
This cracks me up
πŸ‘︎ 798
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/euanwmcgill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife swiped our debit card on my butt crack.

She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FletchLives1980
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
my cousin doesnt often think before she cracks a joke
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dykejoon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Nikki Minaj’s butt crack?

Silicon Valley.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingpron0t
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Slight crack in it
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1ZacNolan1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Crack house
πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anaximandra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Leftists crack the dark jokes.

Because it does not feel right.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ronniemondal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My drug dealer cracks me up.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Some people are addicted to crack and heroin. I was addicted to soap.

I’m clean now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guess-what-babe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a massive crack
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XGN_Carter1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I crack myself up sometimes. I went grocery shopping earlier today and when I got home the wife asked β€œwhere are the mushrooms?” ... without missing a beat, I said

β€œI couldn’t get them, there wasn’t β€˜mush room’ in the trolley. β€œ

She threw things at me

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Just for the crack
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyAGENT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Butt the screen has a crack on it?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ismoketears
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Butte Crack
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriskBlomster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I crack myself up sometimes [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.

I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComfyDaze
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Who would buy just to crack this pun?
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
6 years ago today on my birthday. The Baltimore Ravens have won two Super Bowls, both on February 3rd. All a Baltimore boy would like for his cake day is some purple fever! I believe #20 intercepted Colin's ball hence "Ed Reads". I crack myself up.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/717to321
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I have about a dozen egg jokes that'll crack you up.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xngamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGaming572
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Let’s start digging at the crack of dawn!
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh

and no pun in 10 did

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.

Now he's passed the mantle on to me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrBELDING69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
It's hard to crack a joke without this photo
πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StealthOTK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
🚨︎ report
A plumber crack

Why are plumbers scared of heights?

They are afraid they will plunge to their death.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever hear about the chinese restaurant owner that sold his establishment for crack?

they say he hit a new lo, mein.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/genocidechimp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to see a psychologist after I discovered cracks in the hearth of my fireplace.

I told him I was having a mantle breakdown.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notchase
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
🚨︎ report
I dropped my phone the other day and it didn’t crack

I told my friend and he said that couldn’t have been the case.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrGold14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a handful of dollar bills from a stripper's dirty ass crack?

Gross revenue.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what cracks me up?

Chiropractors

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zach_maverick
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Just discovered a crack forming on the bottom of my lower back.

Its my fault.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
"Can I borrow your butt? Mine has a crack in it."
πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Half-full-of-it
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Friend: I have a crack on my phone, but if you put on the case you can’t see it at all.

Me: If that’s the case, it’s like there’s no crack at all. (This is an actual exchange)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurtleLvr69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Last night my wife told me the dentist found a crack in her tooth

As I'm coming out of the shower and talking with my wife she tells me about the crack the dentist found and will need to be fixed. I remind her I've got one that they've been monitoring for a while too. I ask her "you wanna see my crack?"

Of course...I turn around and show her my bare ass....

She tried REALLY hard not to laugh at that.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtMac02
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a riddle that is easy to crack?

A brittle.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterqub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Made my dad crack up today

While we were working together, I passed some gas. This conversation immediately followed:

Dad: Did you say something?

Me: No, but there is an asshole behind me talking shit.

Apparently he had never heard this joke, and he couldn't stop laughing for a good minute. It's usually pretty hard to get him to laugh. But we both love lame jokes and it really surprised me he has never heard it.

I know it's probably not a dad joke per se, but Dad/Grandfather to my child was involved so it should still count.

TLDR: farted and said "there's an asshole behind me talking shit"

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7hr0wi74w4y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
🚨︎ report
There's this planet, where the pointy-haired natives never smile, never crack a joke,

except every seven years, when all they do is word play.

It's called Pun Farr.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad cracks this one every time he tells me about his diving lessons.

"Why do divers fall backwards off the boat?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."

I love you, dad, but Jesus...

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Draygn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
🚨︎ report
A mysterious gas started leaking from a crack in the pavement after a small earthquake.

Not wanting anyone to be in danger, the town called in two investigators to check and see if the gas would be a hazard to the people nearby. The investigators took all their equipment and began to check if the gas would react to anything. They tested for common gases after taking small samples but none of them had a major presence. Undaunted the investigators pushed on and tried for rarer and rarer gases but found nothing. After hours and hours of checking and turning up no reactions, one investigator turned to the other and said, β€œMaybe the gasses are gone.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaHumbug
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
🚨︎ report
My first crack at a dadjoke.

I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_of_Aioli
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Sometimes, I crack myself up.

...Said the clumsy egg.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reizo123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
🚨︎ report
IPAs are like a rabbit on crack

Way too fucking hoppy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BytesAndCoffee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Where is a crack head’s favorite place in the house?

The crack attic

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjohny33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Our car's windshield got a crack and was going to get repaired, enter dad

Sister: "Where will we get it (referring to the windshield) fixed"

Dad: "In the front of the car, ofcourse"

It's a very bad joke, but at least I now know my dad is 100% a father.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shizrah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
🚨︎ report
He got us. He cracks himself up.

So, I'm about to eat breakfast at my parents. I ask what kind of bread everyone wants. My mom says, "I like the dill rye bread." My dad replies, "that's because it's made of dill dough!" And they both start laughing hysterically. My parents, ladies and gentlemen. 37 years together and she still finds him funny.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternium_or_bust
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
🚨︎ report
How I let my daughter do the dad-joking for me...and I crack up every single time:

My 13 year old daughter's new boyfriend is named Brennan.

I keep calling him Brendon.

Every time, she replies "Dad, there is no D! It's BRENNAN. NO D! Got it?!?"

And I am just thinking to myself "Good, Good...let's keep it that way."

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drumlin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
🚨︎ report
I was playing Trivia Crack, and I (jokingly) asked out loud which state Philadelphia is in.

My dad said "decay."

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoherentBusyDucks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Still cracks me up when I think about it. Dads are the best!

Backstory: Many years ago I was living on my own about 45 minutes away from my parents. I had a stable job but didn't make much money and was broke most of the time. I had an old beat up car that was my only form of transportation. I would always have mechanical issues with the car and finally one morning it decided it wouldn't start no matter what.

I sheepishly had to call in to work and explain the situation and let them know that I would have to take a sick day but would figure some way to get to work the next day. I called my dad and he offered to come pick the car up on his trailer and take it back to his garage to work on it and get it in shape to trade it in.

He drives to my apartment, we get the car on the trailer and we are headed back to his house. The whole ride there I'm pretty pissed off and depressed about the whole situation. I'm worried about finding a new car and how I'm going to afford it and what I'm gonna do if I can't get it running again.

Dad senses m

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-Wing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call the first person to crack a bad joke?

The father of dad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Told my dad what I was having for dinner... he couldn't help but crack a dad joke.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caseyls
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
🚨︎ report
I work at a grocery store and a guy came through my line with his wife. He forgot to put his sweet potatoes on the belt and I make a crack about him stealing food. His wife then said,

"Ya know, if they put out a warrant for your arrest for stealing those potatoes you would be on the yam."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMortar93
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
🚨︎ report
My boss made me crack up.

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that escaped prison?

The headline read "small medium at large."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baemike2
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad just made me crack up.

My mom walked into the living room, exhaled, and said, "Well..." My dad quickly replied, "That's a deep subject."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad seeing for the first time since 1978 cracks the expected dad joke. youtube.com/watch?v=TXKlr…
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beardy_Will
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
🚨︎ report
At a restaurant on vacation, my dad cracks this joke

The waitress was taking orders and I asked for wings. I ask my dad if he wants any wings and what flavor. He says, "nah, I'm not much of a wingman... Get it? Wingman? hehehe" He looks at everyone expectedly. Everyone in my family, my mom, my brothers, my sister, and the waitress just stare at him in utter amazement.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cscott5288
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Thought I'd take a crack at sharing something...
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon_Cake
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad cracks himself up.

Mom (to my dad): You forgot to button the last button on your shirt.

Dad: But darling, I'm just displaying my.... 50 Shades of Gray.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnoopyLoves
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
🚨︎ report
He cracks himself up

One night when we were sitting around the table eating dinner my brother was showing off his beard talking about how he was doing "No Shave November". My Dad gets up, gets another beer, sits down and just goes, "What's next? No Dump December?" He was sitting there chuckling so hard to himself he couldn't eat another bite.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zwooop6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad cracks one at 1 AM

So we're at Dennys after New Years, and as we order the check my dad's asks for water, and this is how it goes.

Dad: "Can I have some water please?"

Waitress: "Sure, normal water?"

Dad: "No, diet water"

Waitress: "Oh, okay"

Waitress looked a bit confused when she walked away and we start laughing for about 10 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatKawaiiGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
🚨︎ report
a crack house (x-post from r/forwardsfromgrandma)

http://i.imgur.com/j9HiGrj.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdventurePee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad doesn't crack many of them. Lol

We were on our way home from the store and we came up to an intersection and stopped. I was looking around and he says "Hey look, they're selling Huges!" I looked around and asked him what he was talking about as he proceeded to poing to a store with a big sign that said, "HUGE SALE!". Groans were made.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jumojumo2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad cracks wise at a dinner party

Me: I don't like this fondue Dad: Don't ruin it, we're having such a fun-do! (Walks away chuckling...)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cestrain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
'Crack'ed a one about crisps..

My parents had just bought lots of pombears and this happened. Me: Aww man did you not get the brown ones? Mam: No, sorry they didn't have them in. Me: oh well they all taste nice, Dad: If you think about it, they all end up brown in the end!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imfuckingAMAzing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Crack

My Mom's Facebook status: "Ordered my new Mahjongg card for 2014, hope it has better dragon hands than last year!"

My Dad's comment: "My wife, the crack addict"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeGoldMedal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
🚨︎ report
While fixing a crack in my grandfather's wall

My mom: "George, you're just making it worse!"

Dad: "He's all cracked up."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qtacsb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad tells this to everyone, and he still cracks up - A mouse looking for his lenses.

My dad has been telling this goddamn joke for as long as I can remember -

It's night and completely dark, the only light that shines on the deserted street comes from a lightpost which stands over the sidewalk. A little mouse is frantically wandering around near the lightpost when he gets interrupted by a bear. The bear is curious and asks the mouse what he is doing. The mouse responds: I'm looking for my lense, it fell out and I can't find it. The bear asks if the mouse needs help and the mouse gladly accepts the offer. "Do you know where you were standing when you lost your lense?" asks the bear. The mouse casually points across the street into the black abyss and says "about there, I guess". The bear is surprised by this answer and asks why the mouse isn't looking over there. With a dumbfound look on his face the mouse looks at the bear and says: "Well yeah, but at least I have some light here."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brammelam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Cleopatra cracks a dad joke imgur.com/wOaqMa7
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MIBPJ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
🚨︎ report
My wife and I crack each other's backs every morning

It's a joint effort

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NunYaBizzNas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report

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