Easy come, Easy go!
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︎ Apr 12 2021
My wife beamed at me and said, โI had no idea our son would go that far!โ Tearing up, I stammered, โI know!"
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I told my daughter, โGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.โ Puzzled, she asked, โWhatโs that got to do with anything?โ I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"Itโs pasture bedtime!โ
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︎ Mar 26 2021
I wanted to go to the local aquarium to see the new dolphin show, but when I got there I couldnโt get in.
It was closed for training porpoises.
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︎ May 02 2021
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Why did the picture go to jail
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︎ May 10 2021
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
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︎ Mar 30 2021
What pronouns did Michael Jackson go by?
๐︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 25 2021
I got let go from the dairy farm.
Apparently I don't work well with udders.
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︎ May 06 2021
Remember to go for more ohms
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Where did the hacker go?
๐︎ 195
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter
Then again, I get where heโs coming from.
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︎ May 10 2021
Pigeons Go-Coo.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
What concert costs only 45 cents to go to?
50 cent featuring Nickelback.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Did you hear Dave Grohl opened a to-go Greek restaurant?
Itโs called There Goes My Gyro
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︎ Apr 27 2021
Never go fishing with a dj
They keep dropping the bass
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︎ Mar 23 2021
My wife asked me to go get some milk
My wife: can you go out and get a gallon of milk, if they have oranges get 5
Me: *comes home with 5 gallons of milk"
My wife:???
Me: they had oranges...
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
๐︎ 29
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Why did Mr and Mrs Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because thier marriage was the rocks.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
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︎ Mar 06 2021
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
๐︎ 1k
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Where does a person whoโs having trouble breathing go to shop?
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︎ May 08 2021
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when they go to the bathroom?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Why did โ
go to the masseuse?
Because it was two-tenths
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︎ Apr 23 2021
My first pun here. Go easy
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Why did the mushroom go to the party
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︎ Apr 27 2021
What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Where do sheep go for a haircut?
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I always bring an extra pair of underwear when I go golfing
Just incase I get a hole in one.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
When I go grocery shopping, I always buy one pear
And then demand a second one, due to false advertising
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Where does a cardiologist go on holiday?
๐︎ 10
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︎ Apr 12 2021
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
โI play a little guitar!"
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Where do bad beavers go?
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︎ May 02 2021
When do Egyptians go mad?
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︎ May 03 2021
Why did the pig go to jail ?
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︎ May 06 2021
Shaking sphere go brrr
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Would you go out on a date with Thor?
I don't know whether Hemsworth it.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
What is a cow's favorite place to go to?
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︎ Apr 03 2021
Where do fruits go on vacation?
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Where do mollusks go to find lost luggage?
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Why can't Melinda go inside the house she got from her divorce?
Error 404: Gate not found
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︎ May 06 2021
Why did the bird go to the doctor?
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
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︎ Apr 27 2021
What happens when the CIA go to sleep?
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︎ May 03 2021
Why should you never go for a jog if it is raining cats and dogs outside?
You might step in a poodle!
(from my 70 year old uncle)
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︎ Mar 11 2021
So I go to cook dinner one night...
And the pan I need to be able to cook is dirty. The sink was filled with dishes. The dishwasher needed emptied. I emptied the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to make enough space to hand wash the pan. It was a cascade situation.
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︎ May 09 2021
Where do astronauts go to unwind after a hard day's work?
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︎ Apr 24 2021
I told my 7 year old daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
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︎ Apr 18 2021
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