People who run behind cars get exhausted.
But people who run in front of cars get tired.
I’m reading a book about these two melons that have a forbidden love. They’ve tried to run away together many times, but are caught every time.
It seems that no matter how hard they try, they just can’t-elope
I've run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead
Alcoholics don’t run in my family
But sometimes they fall down the stairs.
I run out of toilet paper...
Why did the alcohol run away?
It was tired of being drunk.
Which superhero has the most home runs
What happens when a Karen runs into a Boomer?
A hydrogen atom runs into the police station...
... "Please help me! My electron has been stolen!" The desk officer looks up from his computer and asks: "Are you positive?"
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
Whenever my sprinter friend runs a race, he leans over and pretends to vomit
The world has run out of 9s...
...because seven ate nine (789).
What did the mustard say to the other sauce when they went for a run?
Runs on Marinara
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
What kind of dog runs on electricity?
Ever run out of water in the mountains?
Why did everyone run out of Burger King?
Because someone dropped a Whopper
Two psychics run into each other on the street.
One says to the other “you’re doing fine but how am I?”
I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, “you will die in 10 days.” I replied, “who are you??”
He said, “I hate to be the bear of bad news.”
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
What is it called when a fish runs into a wall?
Step by step guide on how to run..
Henry the 8th liked his wives to be athletic, and that was her problem, she wouldn’t walk, she wouldn’t run
She would just Anne Boleyn.
My car only runs every other day.
I think it might be the alternator.
My cousin runs a thriving deer farm.
He’s really rolling in the doe.
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
Went for a run around Jurassic park
What’s it called when a pedestrian is run over by a car?
Did you know my drawings could run?
I just saw a ship builder hit a guy with a structure that runs along the center of a ship's bottom...
He keeled the other fellow just like that!
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
I'm so bored, i was about to run around the house naked. But then i drank a bottle of windex...
It stopped me from streaking.
What does the creator of flex tape run in?
Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!
I reset my computer so it would run better
Although I don’t remember the legs
So I was driving when I see a woman run over a poor rabbit. I stopped immediately to render assistance.
I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days.
I think to myself "Can I render first aid ? "
Then it hits me, I can fix this.
I go to the boot of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as shit he jumps up and hops away.
As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us !
He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight.
The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?"
I look and it is hair restorer with a permanent wave.
I wish to add no Rabbits were harmed in the telling of this story
Why couldn’t the shellfish farmer go for a run?
What did the watermelon say to his son, when he wanted to run off and get married to a honeydew?
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
How to run a marathon:
My sexual partner got run over by a road roller
Did you know that a pregnant horse can run twice as fast?
Did you guys hear about the investment broker that retired to run a celery farm?
It seems he made a killing on the stalk market.
What is brown, and runs round the garden?
Run out of toilet paper and having to use lettuce leaves
I'm really annoyed. And this is just the tip of the iceberg!
I just saw a AAA battery-delivery truck run a red light. Hope he doesn't get charged.
Uncle: Is he old enough to send on beer runs yet?
Me: Nah. Can't even pub crawl.
What do you call a short fortune teller who’s on the run?
A walnut can't run down your leg
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.
With the run that everyone's making on toilet paper...
you'd think it was a precious commode-ity.
If we run out of toilet paper due to this crisis.
Using newspaper, might be the new headline.
I’m doing a run of Pokémon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
You cant run in a campground
You can only ran, because its past tents.
My review for a hotel run by pigs:
Great hogspitality; 5 stars
If you see a man-eating cucumber, run away!
If you stick around, you could end up in a pickle.
You can’t run in a campsite.
You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
A Teacher asked his student How many runs can a ball get you in cricket...?
What kind of truck runs over your feet?
What runs, sometimes falls but never walks
Dogs can't run an MRI machine...
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
You would think the Earth is best, but the moon runs rings around it
Why did the breath freshener turn red and run out of the room?
It had a large amount of embarrass-mint.
Had a lawn mowing run for a while but had to let it go...
...I just couldn’t cut it 🤨
When you run out of Ritz...
Why won't the melons run away together?
My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...
That's pretty whiskey business.
New electric trains will run...
Did you hear about the Indian restaurant that didn't run out of bread?
Everyone has always told me, “you can’t run from your problems!”
I just lost 14 lbs in a month from running so take that
What do you call a bull that runs away?
When deer run from hunters
They are always running for deer life
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
Why did the guy with amnesia go for a run?
He wanted to jog his memory.
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend “Why I have to change my position every time?”
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”