People who run behind cars get exhausted.

But people who run in front of cars get tired.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book about these two melons that have a forbidden love. They’ve tried to run away together many times, but are caught every time.

It seems that no matter how hard they try, they just can’t-elope

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
I've run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead

The times are rough

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Alcoholics don’t run in my family

But sometimes they fall down the stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
Run
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
I run out of toilet paper...
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
Why did the alcohol run away?

It was tired of being drunk.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therankin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
Which superhero has the most home runs

Batman

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/khanzunair
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
What happens when a Karen runs into a Boomer?

Kaboom.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprmnstr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
A hydrogen atom runs into the police station...

... "Please help me! My electron has been stolen!" The desk officer looks up from his computer and asks: "Are you positive?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/miauguau44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. β€œA bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brainstormer77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
Whenever my sprinter friend runs a race, he leans over and pretends to vomit

It's a running gag

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joy3111
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
The world has run out of 9s...

...because seven ate nine (789).

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
What did the mustard say to the other sauce when they went for a run?

Ketch up

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
Name the smaller rivers that run into the Nile /r/Jokes/comments/hvbstw/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Serious_Up
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
Never run with bagpipes.

You could get kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Luchaluchalunch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
Runs on Marinara

My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
What kind of dog runs on electricity?

A plugeranian

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
A fish runs into a wall

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twostroke17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
Ever run out of water in the mountains?

Well urine luck

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Why did everyone run out of Burger King?

Because someone dropped a Whopper

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greeknicko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
Two psychics run into each other on the street.

One says to the other β€œyou’re doing fine but how am I?”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tugboattt
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, β€œyou will die in 10 days.” I replied, β€œwho are you??”

He said, β€œI hate to be the bear of bad news.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
What is it called when a fish runs into a wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/probaseball512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Step by step guide on how to run..
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ladyMariaOfKosm
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Henry the 8th liked his wives to be athletic, and that was her problem, she wouldn’t walk, she wouldn’t run

She would just Anne Boleyn.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
My car only runs every other day.

I think it might be the alternator.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
My cousin runs a thriving deer farm.

He’s really rolling in the doe.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
Went for a run around Jurassic park

Next day I was Dino-sore

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frederik_engberg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when a pedestrian is run over by a car?

Cars Against Humanity.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spjdm2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Did you know my drawings could run?

Go figure!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyrand
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
I just saw a ship builder hit a guy with a structure that runs along the center of a ship's bottom...

He keeled the other fellow just like that!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?

A drive bike shooting

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I'm so bored, i was about to run around the house naked. But then i drank a bottle of windex...

It stopped me from streaking.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manda00710
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
What does the creator of flex tape run in?

Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
I reset my computer so it would run better

Although I don’t remember the legs

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cartographer_TC
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
So I was driving when I see a woman run over a poor rabbit. I stopped immediately to render assistance.

I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days.
I think to myself "Can I render first aid ? "
Then it hits me, I can fix this.
I go to the boot of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as shit he jumps up and hops away.

As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us !
He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight.

The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?"

I look and it is hair restorer with a permanent wave.

I wish to add no Rabbits were harmed in the telling of this story

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the shellfish farmer go for a run?

He pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/telumindel
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
What did the watermelon say to his son, when he wanted to run off and get married to a honeydew?

You can't elope!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcmurch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

DAM!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superguy-222
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
How to run a marathon:

Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 Step 5 Step 6 Step 7 Step 8 Step 9 Step 10 ...

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Astikook
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
My sexual partner got run over by a road roller

Now she’s my flat-mate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Did you know that a pregnant horse can run twice as fast?

It has 2 horsepower

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vagabondsadhu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the investment broker that retired to run a celery farm?

It seems he made a killing on the stalk market.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
What is brown, and runs round the garden?

Fence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlaMenck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
Run out of toilet paper and having to use lettuce leaves

I'm really annoyed. And this is just the tip of the iceberg!

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I just saw a AAA battery-delivery truck run a red light. Hope he doesn't get charged.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Uncle: Is he old enough to send on beer runs yet?

Me: Nah. Can't even pub crawl.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Immelmaneuver
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short fortune teller who’s on the run?

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/millenialmami
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
A walnut can't run down your leg

But pecan

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
With the run that everyone's making on toilet paper...

you'd think it was a precious commode-ity.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djcauliflower
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
If we run out of toilet paper due to this crisis.

Using newspaper, might be the new headline.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tryingsomthingnew
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I’m doing a run of PokΓ©mon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TristAndShout
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Run for your life
πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
You cant run in a campground

You can only ran, because its past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDaddyRobG
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
My review for a hotel run by pigs:

Great hogspitality; 5 stars

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
If you see a man-eating cucumber, run away!

If you stick around, you could end up in a pickle.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hellige88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
You can’t run in a campsite.

You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_SquidYT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
A Teacher asked his student How many runs can a ball get you in cricket...?

He replied Six-Sir

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeonVodka
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
What kind of truck runs over your feet?

A toe truck

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What runs, sometimes falls but never walks

Water

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
He better run
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LinusCDE98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Dogs can't run an MRI machine...

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blackbart42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisenberg4269
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
You would think the Earth is best, but the moon runs rings around it
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Barktf2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the breath freshener turn red and run out of the room?

It had a large amount of embarrass-mint.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/airsabe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Had a lawn mowing run for a while but had to let it go...

...I just couldn’t cut it 🀨

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
When you run out of Ritz...
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingtiger79
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why won't the melons run away together?

Because they cantaloupe!

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...

That's pretty whiskey business.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
New electric trains will run...

...on conductors

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Indian restaurant that didn't run out of bread?

It was a naan issue

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mon0theist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Everyone has always told me, β€œyou can’t run from your problems!”

I just lost 14 lbs in a month from running so take that

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winny1316
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bull that runs away?

A cow-ard!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
When deer run from hunters

They are always running for deer life

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theCommonSlaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoreanTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the guy with amnesia go for a run?

He wanted to jog his memory.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rlchv70
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What runs and smells?

A runny nose.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GedT1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend β€œWhy I have to change my position every time?”

He replies β€œI know, this sub is full of reposts”

πŸ‘︎ 228
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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