To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
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︎ Nov 02 2020
My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago
First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')
My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
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︎ Dec 02 2020
What happens when you drive a Subaru in reverse?
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︎ Dec 13 2020
A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...
...right in front of a house where thereβs a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. Thereβs a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldnβt mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesnβt budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy heβs ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right u
...
keep reading on reddit β‘
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︎ Oct 21 2020
You could say their drive is going swimmingly
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︎ Nov 24 2020
My Honda Civic was banned from the drive-in movies
They say it contains a huge spoiler.
I made that up on the spot and told it to my kid. He told me it's not funny and it's a horrible joke. π
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︎ Oct 18 2020
What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Why I don't drive muscle cars?
Because I'm not shellfish.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What do you call a cow that has just learned to drive?
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︎ Nov 21 2020
Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Travelling doesn't drive me crazy.
It's because I'm a nomad.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
What car do missionaries drive ?
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︎ Nov 21 2020
In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.
This will eliminate 75% of Americaβs car bunny missions.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Where is the worst place to drive when your wrist hurts?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
With the McRib re-released a couple of days ago, I did this at McDonalds drive-thru today:
Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.
Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.
Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.
(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Why couldnβt the Russian drive forward?
His car was Putin reverse.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Dad drives to the local high school and picks up his son.
Son: βDad, put me down, youβre embarrassing me.β
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︎ Nov 26 2020
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
How does a cow drive?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke
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︎ Oct 06 2020
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said β sir Iβm going to have to put you under arrest.β The guy then said
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︎ Nov 05 2020
My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...
I told them, "You guys should take turns".
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Iβm tired of spending money on highway booths during long drives.
It really takes its toll on me.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Why is Darth Vader not allowed to drive a taxi?
Because he is not a tax-evader.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
probably a Ford siesta because i like napping while taking a drive
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︎ Aug 31 2020
It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?
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︎ Sep 12 2020
What car does Yoda drive ?
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︎ Aug 18 2020
The Egyptian government has asked Cairoβs taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm βEm will last a week.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
What vehicle did German soldiers use to drive around during the second world war?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I was pulled over by the police. The officer said "According to your license you should be wearing glasses when you drive"
I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"
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︎ Jul 17 2020
I overheard my USB drive plotting to do evil things to me ever since I unplugged it improperly from a computer.
It has become very corrupt.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country
Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy
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︎ Sep 17 2020
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister go to a blood drive
The rabbit says βIβm pretty sure Iβm a type-oβ
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?
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︎ Sep 07 2020
What do successful missionaries drive?
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︎ Sep 02 2020
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:
Speak now or forever hold your pee
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︎ Aug 31 2020
What brand of car do young sheep prefer to drive?
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︎ Aug 26 2020
I Guess the Steaks are High When You Drive Down This Road
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︎ Jun 19 2020
I taught my dog how to drive, but he had a crash
He forgot to put the car in bark
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︎ Aug 27 2020
What race did Sean Connery drive a Nash in?
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︎ Jul 29 2020
What kind of car does Scooby Doo drive?
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Two Irishmen are sitting outside and a truck carrying turf drives past.
βIβd like to be that rich one dayβ. Says Billy.
βWhat, buy new turf?β Asks Shamus.
βNo, send my grass away to be mowedβ. Replies Billy.
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︎ Aug 21 2020
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