To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.

Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago

First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')

My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefishwhisperer1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Christler.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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What happens when you drive a Subaru in reverse?

Ur a bus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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You could say their drive is going swimmingly
πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realityiscanceled
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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My Honda Civic was banned from the drive-in movies

They say it contains a huge spoiler.

I made that up on the spot and told it to my kid. He told me it's not funny and it's a horrible joke. 😟

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?

A spores car!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lanifeibor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Why I don't drive muscle cars?

Because I'm not shellfish.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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What do you call a cow that has just learned to drive?

A steer.

...hehehe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eelbarrow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive

You know the drill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sictirul
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Travelling doesn't drive me crazy.

It's because I'm a nomad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaladinThunder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What car do missionaries drive ?

Convertibles.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.

This will eliminate 75% of America’s car bunny missions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Where is the worst place to drive when your wrist hurts?

Carpool tunnel.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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With the McRib re-released a couple of days ago, I did this at McDonalds drive-thru today:

Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.

Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.

Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.

(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Why couldn’t the Russian drive forward?

His car was Putin reverse.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Dad drives to the local high school and picks up his son.

Son: β€œDad, put me down, you’re embarrassing me.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.

The process is a little painstaking.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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How does a cow drive?

They have to Hoof it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoosterBurger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke

Already Reddit

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said β€œ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said

Bud-wei-ser?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exier--
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...

I told them, "You guys should take turns".

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I’m tired of spending money on highway booths during long drives.

It really takes its toll on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Why is Darth Vader not allowed to drive a taxi?

Because he is not a tax-evader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmugAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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probably a Ford siesta because i like napping while taking a drive
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'

She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?

The golf tee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanjosRuleDude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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What car does Yoda drive ?

A toy-yoda

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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What vehicle did German soldiers use to drive around during the second world war?

The Swasti-car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatokingXII
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I was pulled over by the police. The officer said "According to your license you should be wearing glasses when you drive"

I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyOfAus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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I overheard my USB drive plotting to do evil things to me ever since I unplugged it improperly from a computer.

It has become very corrupt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country

Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iniquitor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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A priest, a rabbit, and a minister go to a blood drive

The rabbit says β€œI’m pretty sure I’m a type-o”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drsfmd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?

It left it's tracks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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What do successful missionaries drive?

Conversion vans

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:

Speak now or forever hold your pee

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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What brand of car do young sheep prefer to drive?

Lamborghini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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I Guess the Steaks are High When You Drive Down This Road
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I taught my dog how to drive, but he had a crash

He forgot to put the car in bark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamieBoyd4real
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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What race did Sean Connery drive a Nash in?

Nashcar

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/palm_top
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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What kind of car does Scooby Doo drive?

A Rubaruuu

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsradford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Two Irishmen are sitting outside and a truck carrying turf drives past.

β€œI’d like to be that rich one day”. Says Billy.

β€œWhat, buy new turf?” Asks Shamus.

β€œNo, send my grass away to be mowed”. Replies Billy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HorrorANDComedy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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