To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago
First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')
My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
What happens when you drive a Subaru in reverse?
A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...
...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right u
...
keep reading on reddit ➡
You could say their drive is going swimmingly
My Honda Civic was banned from the drive-in movies
They say it contains a huge spoiler.
I made that up on the spot and told it to my kid. He told me it's not funny and it's a horrible joke. 😟
What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.
What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?
Why I don't drive muscle cars?
Because I'm not shellfish.
What do you call a cow that has just learned to drive?
Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive
Travelling doesn't drive me crazy.
It's because I'm a nomad.
What car do missionaries drive ?
In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.
This will eliminate 75% of America’s car bunny missions.
Where is the worst place to drive when your wrist hurts?
With the McRib re-released a couple of days ago, I did this at McDonalds drive-thru today:
Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.
Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.
Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.
(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)
Why couldn’t the Russian drive forward?
His car was Putin reverse.
Dad drives to the local high school and picks up his son.
Son: “Dad, put me down, you’re embarrassing me.”
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...
I told them, "You guys should take turns".
I’m tired of spending money on highway booths during long drives.
It really takes its toll on me.
Why is Darth Vader not allowed to drive a taxi?
Because he is not a tax-evader.
probably a Ford siesta because i like napping while taking a drive
It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?
What car does Yoda drive ?
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.
What vehicle did German soldiers use to drive around during the second world war?
I was pulled over by the police. The officer said "According to your license you should be wearing glasses when you drive"
I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"
I overheard my USB drive plotting to do evil things to me ever since I unplugged it improperly from a computer.
It has become very corrupt.
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country
Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister go to a blood drive
The rabbit says “I’m pretty sure I’m a type-o”
Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?
What do successful missionaries drive?
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:
Speak now or forever hold your pee
What brand of car do young sheep prefer to drive?
I Guess the Steaks are High When You Drive Down This Road
I taught my dog how to drive, but he had a crash
He forgot to put the car in bark
What race did Sean Connery drive a Nash in?
What kind of car does Scooby Doo drive?
Two Irishmen are sitting outside and a truck carrying turf drives past.
“I’d like to be that rich one day”. Says Billy.
“What, buy new turf?” Asks Shamus.
“No, send my grass away to be mowed”. Replies Billy.
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