I'm so furious about my postmans route that I pull my hair out

I call it mail pattern baldness

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suolisyopa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
If police pull over a U-Haul van

did they bust a move?

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_m15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy

The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did they pull a lawsuit against the spa for their wax treatment?

It was a ripoff.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...

did he just bust a move?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?

Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Where is it most unsafe to play the β€œpull my finger” game?

At the leper colony.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...

And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yard.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calliecadillac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.

After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"

The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/domheffo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What time does the train pull into the station?

Choo-choo thirty, I'd say.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FairlyCharming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you gonna pull it all the way out?
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?

One. It's a trick question.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A Police Officer pulls over a Miner at a Traffic Stop

Officer: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?

Miner: "Mine."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IS3OO
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."

I think your supposed to use a razor.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GooseJumper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Pull the lever Gronk
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is speeding down the road, so a cop pulls him over...

The cop says "Why weren't you braking back there?"

And the man replies "I'm wearing clean underwear."

The cop says "Why is that relevant?"

And the man says "Well, I don't wanna get any skidmarks."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
*pulls candy bar out of thin air*

Kid: WOW are you a magician?

Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/renskappert
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Our couch pulls out and I gotta say it’s really nice

The last thing I need is a bunch of baby couches running around the place

πŸ‘︎ 179
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrightenedOstrich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Pull my finger!
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sailerryan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
It takes a lot of balls to pull this off
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Gamers_Guide
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Saw a cop pull over a U-Haul yesterday...

Guess he was trying to bust a move.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chizzle10
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you pull all the legs off an ant?

6 feet apart.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandapanda17
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Christopher Columbus pull a bunch of Swiss chard out of the ocean?

He wanted to be in uncharded waters.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gecko_echo
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.

That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I almost caught a fish today, but my fishing pole wouldn’t pull it in properly.

It was a reel bad situation.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When you pull up to two vegans fighting...

Is it still a beef

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coolman965
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Great Dad joke to pull on your Kroger cashier

Clerk: You want your milk in a bag?

Me: Nah, just leave it in the jug.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my personal trainer for another way to work my trapezius muscles besides doing pull downs...

He shrugged and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
People who pull forward into parking spots are living in the moment. Those who back up into the spot, are thinking about the future.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatMetalJesus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If your dentist pulls the wrong tooth

Is it acci-dental?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EternalMotivation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Gave me a pleasant chuckle while driving, I had to pull over and take a pic
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/colormecryptic
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a gangster the other day who pulls up people's underwear...

It was Wedgie Cray

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the bored man pull his money out of the bank?

It wasn’t interesting.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NintenDuel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Great Deku Tree tell Link when he couldn't pull out the master sword?

Triforce

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Averet101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say β€œTerry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.

You have died from dissin’ Terry

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sincons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
He-hey, hey you.. pull my finger.

Trust me it happened, we created this together.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashtehstampede
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the snowman pull his pants down?

Cause he heard a snowblower coming.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tml_4_ever
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Was unsure if I could pull off a mustache.

But then the idea started to grow on me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BASSLJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck...

Did he bust a move?

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anynamethatworks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report

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