I'm so furious about my postmans route that I pull my hair out
I call it mail pattern baldness
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
If police pull over a U-Haul van
π︎ 33
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
π︎ 92
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Why did they pull a lawsuit against the spa for their wax treatment?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, βGet out. We donβt serve rope in here.β So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, βHey! Arenβt you the rope that I just threw out?β
The rope replied, βNo. Iβm a frayed knot.β
π︎ 12k
π
︎ May 27 2020
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?
Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Where is it most unsafe to play the βpull my fingerβ game?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yard.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
π︎ 65
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, βGive me all your money or youβre geography!β
The teller replies, βDonβt you mean history?β
The robber says, βDonβt change the subject!"
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
What time does the train pull into the station?
Choo-choo thirty, I'd say.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
Are you gonna pull it all the way out?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 16 2020
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?
One. It's a trick question.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
A Police Officer pulls over a Miner at a Traffic Stop
Officer: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: "Mine."
π︎ 23
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 16 2020
Pull the lever Gronk
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jun 18 2020
A man is speeding down the road, so a cop pulls him over...
The cop says "Why weren't you braking back there?"
And the man replies "I'm wearing clean underwear."
The cop says "Why is that relevant?"
And the man says "Well, I don't wanna get any skidmarks."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
*pulls candy bar out of thin air*
Kid: WOW are you a magician?
Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve
π︎ 81
π
︎ Feb 01 2020
Our couch pulls out and I gotta say itβs really nice
The last thing I need is a bunch of baby couches running around the place
π︎ 179
π
︎ Dec 30 2019
Pull my finger!
π︎ 23
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
It takes a lot of balls to pull this off
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 08 2020
Saw a cop pull over a U-Haul yesterday...
Guess he was trying to bust a move.
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 06 2020
What do you get when you pull all the legs off an ant?
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 04 2020
Why did Christopher Columbus pull a bunch of Swiss chard out of the ocean?
He wanted to be in uncharded waters.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 28 2020
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.
Thatβs how excited I was to see my little brother.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 12 2018
I almost caught a fish today, but my fishing pole wouldnβt pull it in properly.
It was a reel bad situation.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 06 2020
When you pull up to two vegans fighting...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.
Doesnβt he know cow tipping is illegal?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
Great Dad joke to pull on your Kroger cashier
Clerk: You want your milk in a bag?
Me: Nah, just leave it in the jug.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
I asked my personal trainer for another way to work my trapezius muscles besides doing pull downs...
He shrugged and walked away.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
People who pull forward into parking spots are living in the moment. Those who back up into the spot, are thinking about the future.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
If your dentist pulls the wrong tooth
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 19 2019
Gave me a pleasant chuckle while driving, I had to pull over and take a pic
π︎ 29
π
︎ May 05 2019
I met a gangster the other day who pulls up people's underwear...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
Why did the bored man pull his money out of the bank?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
What did the Great Deku Tree tell Link when he couldn't pull out the master sword?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 22 2019
Youβre traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say βTerry? Thatβs a girls name!β He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissinβ Terry
π︎ 182
π
︎ Mar 23 2019
He-hey, hey you.. pull my finger.
Trust me it happened, we created this together.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 05 2020
Why did the snowman pull his pants down?
Cause he heard a snowblower coming.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
Was unsure if I could pull off a mustache.
But then the idea started to grow on me.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck...
π︎ 69
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, βGive me all your money or youβre geography!β
The teller replies, βDonβt you mean history?β
The robber says, βDonβt change the subject!"
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Jun 02 2018
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