Don’t wanna be your mumble wrench 🀟🏻
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drift-would
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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My dad always asks me for the wrench

I gotta hand it to him, he knows how to fix a car

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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For a long time, I though I had a dog named Yule. When he died, I found out he was just a wrench.

He was a good copper spanner, Yule

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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What do you call a man covered in blue paint with a wrench taped to his hand?

Confused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/propervernacular
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Wrench
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bored-af-nerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Only wrench-turning, The Who fans will get this pun. It's an...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstroStrat89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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I was working in the shop with my dad and asked him to hand me the 1/2 inch wrench.

Here you go...have to say though son it's a lot longer than A half inch long.groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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What do you call a wrench that gets huge and turns green when angry?

Bruce Spanner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tabshiftescape
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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Why do socket wrenches make bad lovers?

All they do is nut and bolt

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chc36
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
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I was wondering, Why is that baseball getting bigger??

Then it hit me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kentencat
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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I can never have a good conversation about wrenches with anyone...

I guess there just isn’t that much to torque about.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I heard a heart wrenching story recently.

A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.

Edit: the lack of attention sure is disheartening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinuvian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Dr. Frankestein had a hard time creating his monster's stomach.

It was gut-wrenching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griphonium
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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A surgeon told me a story about how he dropped a tool into a patients stomach once.

It was gut wrenching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourlife602
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I'm sad today, I lost my favorite spanner.

It's a massive emotional wrench.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalle_022
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Consider the following

WD-40 is just wrench dressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I like to tell dad jokes.

Usually he tells me to shut up and to hand him a wrench to take apart a motor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I was telling jokes about nuts and bolts

But then I screwed up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hensfan85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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I once tried eating tools

It was a really gut-wrenching experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLonelyKerbal
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Meeting famous YouTube stars at PAX East calls for all the puns...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/renduh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
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I saw a film about a spanner made of a human stomach.

It was gut-wrenching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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He broke this one out when teaching me about tools.

"Okay, so this is the screwdriver, this is the wrench, and this, well, you know the drill."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T0BIASNESS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
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Wanna know what really grinds my gears?

Rust.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/angellego
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory, took out a lemon, cut it in half, took it back to the man and gave it to him, who looked back to the priest with gratitude. However, the priest was curious. He asked:

  • Son, why do you need this half of a lemon? - with a fright on his face, and before the priest could have said a thing, he rushed out of the churchyard gate and took off.

A week later, around the same time, when the priest was leaving the church, he found himself in front of the same man in the churchyard. The man said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was surprised by the appearance of the man and his strange request. Of course he was good, went back to the rectory, and brought the half lemon. Placed it in the stranger’s hand and immediately he asked:

  • Here it is, my dear son, but please tell me why do you need this half a lemon? - the man was obviously frightened and immediately ran away but the priest was not sluggish either and ran after him. He wasn’t in a very good condition, he has never run so much and so fast before so he was out of breath by the end of the village, almost fainted. He thought the strange man might appear again next week, and it would be nice if he could keep up with him, so he spent his week working on his cardio. It turned out to be a good idea, because as he thought, the stranger entered the churchyard on Sunday. The priest didn’t even wait for the request, he was good, and brought the half lemon. He received these words from the man:

  • Thank you

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doty152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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from YouTube comments "you know the drill......"
  • A : "You know the drill

But do you know the screwdriver? I nailed that joke.ο»Ώ"

  • B : "No, you screwed it up."

  • C : "I'm going to wrench this joke from you.ο»Ώ"

  • D : "Stop trying to hammer in your punsο»Ώ."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GunnerVee
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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Wouldn't be Christmas dinner without a terrible Dad joke.

My brother was talking about his new torque wrench, and my dad says "You should be careful with that", and, as we all glare at him, waiting for the punchline, he says, "Didn't Miley Cyrus get in trouble for torque-ing?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodgod-lemon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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How do fix a broken spider monkey?

A monkey wrench

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taggredd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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How do you fix a broken gorilla ?

Monkey wrench

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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