Screw Netflix and chill

How about Hulu and do you? πŸ’€

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Premystic
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
How many people with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hey wanna go play catch?

(My dad's newest)

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thedarkplayr
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I got a screw in my car tire today...

...I had no idea my wife and I could even fit in there!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blochow2001
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I just installed a screw in my computer.

But I can’t find the driver for it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrumpyBottom_YT
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I guess you could say he’s a...... screw driver
πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ketchuponcereal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One! Because Germans do not have humor.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taroqi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Can one bird screw in a lightbulb?

No, but toucan!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vsoho
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Hulk screws Dark Knight
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Koooshal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
How many amoeba does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  1. No, 2. No wait 4! 8 16 32...
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/My_Name_Is_JoeJoe
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.

A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian.c..

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeskies307
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
How many lumberjacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

'Bout tree fellers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Six!...... One to hold the lightbulb and five to drink enough to make the room spin!

Zingo!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ratkiller47130
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 2. But the real question is, how did they get in there?

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToeKneeh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Are they gonna screw?
πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Son: Hey dad why won't this screw go in

Dad: Make sure you're screwing down into the wood

Son: Oh crap, I screwed up

πŸ‘︎ 166
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pandamonium2514
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How many spies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajjanialthor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Screw fast cooks
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Paerpie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I spent all day trying to balance a screw on it's tip.

All I ended up doing by the end was just screwing around.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Screw your β€œinteresting title”
πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fruitsnack1111
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but it’s kind of cramped.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NudlePockets
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Autocorrect screws up so much, I'm just fresh out of ducks to give.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robuttocks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Screw driver
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Pinetree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
seen a stop sign that was missing one of its screws and just hanging there upside down today..

It was a bad sign

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
So I dropped a ping pong table and all the screws came out.

I really screwed up

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shiatryx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
When I went to get my prescription, I gave the tech an empty bottle to recycle or whatever. She said, some people like to keep the bottles to put nails and screws in...

I said I don't have too many loose screws.

She smiled.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just 2, just don't ask how they got in there.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Markliebs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 or 2?

1 or 2?

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How many egomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, he holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, but how did they get in there?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MDCM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If you don’t get the joke, you might have a screw loose
πŸ‘︎ 236
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kupalurk-yt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me...

Screw me 3 times and we have a baby.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Screw it...
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElFrankoElTanko
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Hitlers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

NEIN NEIN NEIN!!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, I'm still not sure how they got in there though.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatOneWiccan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How many grammar nerds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Too

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They're quite efficient, and not very funny.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ehlodex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How many β€œsuh dudes” does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Doesn’t matter, it’s already lit brah.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xoXoxo58
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Whatever.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone once told me a story about screws, nuts and bolts.

It was Riveting.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSquirrel73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hey, wanna go ride bikes?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swillie04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two.But you got to get them in there first.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the athlete ask, when he lost a screw?

U sain my bolt?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sponska
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb

Hey. Lets go rid our bikes

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JAEAerbest
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just Juan

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idgaffatbsgtfo
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two... but how did they get in there?

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Norseman4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and another to give it a surprising twist at the end.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Germans do you need to screw a lightbulb?

Nein.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickael_Tarakona
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How many nihilists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NW_91
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How many sisters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

NUN

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/powerpass
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
How many tropical birds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two-can.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dagoldenalpaca
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 king’s day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.

This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.

Photos here:

https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3

Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sloanautomatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two.

One to screw in the light bulb, and the other to hold his dick... I mean my dad... I MEAN THE LADDER!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MDangerhole
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

(Friend told me this)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Liv_Kato
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Haven't been a dad very long, but here goes... How many incontinent people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Depends

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/btwrenn
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How many fruit flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. The trick is getting them in there.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djhorne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Screws are just nails with a twist. (Repost from r/showerthoughts)
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Curlamus_99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do NASA astronauts do when they screw up?

They Apollo-gize

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OakleyKnowsAll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Juan’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just Juan

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alt_what
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
How many birds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Preferably three, but toucan.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TonytheBeatPoet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Guess what my father calls his miscellaneous screw drawer.

All you can screw.

 

Actual dadjoke by my father.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PheenixKing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The original plan was to make two Yogi Bears, but there was a screw up.

They made a Boo Boo.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Well, screw you, fortune cookie!
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
How many forgetful people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I forget.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LetRBudge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They’re effective and not very funny.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stottynoble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Let's go play with our bikes.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babatomano
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
How many caravan migrants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Caravan migrants screw in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2, but I don't know how they got in there.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimreap3r
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Dad: Well I'm not sure son, but I'll bet you it's a lot less than it takes to screw in a heavybulb

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Ballyhoo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubleayey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
How many millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's already lit, fam.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C4NDL3J4CK666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 2, no idea how they got there

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shanegreen82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What does King T'Chaka say to T'challa when he screws up??

WAKANDA shit is this..!!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abhinav01gupta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
How many dads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they prefer Natural Light.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/G_ben_flowes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if there was an interesting alternative to using nails or screws as fasteners.

I told her yes... and it's riveting.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyRobot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
🚨︎ report
If a screwdriver is a tool that drives screws...

...is a hammer a tool that hams?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shiner_bock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, if they fit!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_E_Pants
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in most of the way and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It’s this really obscure number; you’ve probably never even heard of it before.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/standupok
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
How many objectophiliacs does it take to screw a lightbulb?

One, if he's horny enough.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MunchHiggins
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
How many rats Does it Take to Screw in a light bulb?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Mars screw up its piano recital?

It was a little rusty.

(Most of the rock on Mars has iron in it, and it's oxidized over the millenia, so it's rusty, which is why it's red.)

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrackedP0t
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
🚨︎ report
How many tropical birds does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One can't, but toucan.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Genekid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
🚨︎ report
How many jedi does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Obi Wan. -- My 13 year old son.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zettix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
How many lumberjacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

'Bout tree fellers.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samuel_Handwich
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slapshotscores
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Silveras918
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DOCTOR-MISTER
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DasBroccoli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cresendo77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report

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