Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was. She replied β€œScrew you!”

So I'm pretty excited for the new year!

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?

They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magnebuda
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only 2. They'll fit.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A fish

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskyEchoTango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Let’s go play on our bikes.

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Otherwiseaaron
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If you can’t hammer screws

Screw screws

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joachim_s
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What has a 100 balls and screws old women

Bingo

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How many ravens does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It’s imPOEsible to tell

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a Karen screw in a light bulb?

She puts it in the socket and expects the world to revolve around her.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cedar_Nomad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I haven’t seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?

Wow! Those are some fine lookin’ threads, brotha!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, they are very efficient and have no sense of humor.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danspud69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.

He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.

The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? Β£50, that is all."

The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I guess you could say he’s a...... screw driver
πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ketchuponcereal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Screw Netflix and chill

How about Hulu and do you? πŸ’€

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Premystic
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does it feel so good to screw on a camping trip?

Cuz It's fucking intents

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rare_Breed721
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One! Because Germans do not have humor.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taroqi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How many people with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hey wanna go play catch?

(My dad's newest)

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thedarkplayr
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I just installed a screw in my computer.

But I can’t find the driver for it.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrumpyBottom_YT
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 2. But the real question is, how did they get in there?

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToeKneeh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Hulk screws Dark Knight
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Koooshal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a screw in my car tire today...

...I had no idea my wife and I could even fit in there!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blochow2001
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Are they gonna screw?
πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.

A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian.c..

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeskies307
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How many amoeba does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  1. No, 2. No wait 4! 8 16 32...
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/My_Name_Is_JoeJoe
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Screw your β€œinteresting title”
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fruitsnack1111
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How many lumberjacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

'Bout tree fellers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Screw fast cooks
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Paerpie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Six!...... One to hold the lightbulb and five to drink enough to make the room spin!

Zingo!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ratkiller47130
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How many spies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajjanialthor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If you don’t get the joke, you might have a screw loose
πŸ‘︎ 232
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kupalurk-yt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Screw driver
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Pinetree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Autocorrect screws up so much, I'm just fresh out of ducks to give.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robuttocks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but it’s kind of cramped.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NudlePockets
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 or 2?

1 or 2?

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I spent all day trying to balance a screw on it's tip.

All I ended up doing by the end was just screwing around.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How many egomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, he holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just 2, just don't ask how they got in there.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Markliebs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Screw it...
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElFrankoElTanko
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
seen a stop sign that was missing one of its screws and just hanging there upside down today..

It was a bad sign

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, I'm still not sure how they got in there though.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatOneWiccan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, but how did they get in there?

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MDCM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
When I went to get my prescription, I gave the tech an empty bottle to recycle or whatever. She said, some people like to keep the bottles to put nails and screws in...

I said I don't have too many loose screws.

She smiled.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.